I think my 16 year old son has got his gf pregnant...

[Meltinthemiddle]

But I think her mum has already took him and her to get an a abortion. I can't be sure yet though. I feel sick. He's been going off the rails recently and this has just topped everything. I'm not ready to be a gran anymore then they are parents. And is she has had an abortion should her parents have told us? My son has mild learning difficulties and mental health issues it's alot for him to cope with alone.

Sunset peach. I couldn’t agree more. I am amazed the boy is still allowed to go to the house.

My parents weren’t particularly strict (in my view!) but I am certain at 16 my parents would not have allowed me to go to this house, and that is without added vulnerabilities.

This isn’t about hating men or blaming men. This is about controlling what you can, which in this case is the boy.

Have you really tried controlling a 16 year old boy???? This is why I have SS involved because I can't control his behaviour and he's vulnerable and engaging in risky behaviour. I'm still waiting for SS to come after he's been awol a few times, come home late and not turned up for school. When he bunked off school the other day I called the police. My dh found him and police arrived. He refused to go home and do you know what the police said to my dh neither of them had the power to force him to go home. So dh and police both let him go. But that's a totally different thread!! Advice is often easier said then done. I'm trying to get all the help and support I possibly can for my ds and unfortunately at the age of 16 they have to consent to everything!!

Well OP if you can't "control him" (parent him), then why on earth should this girl's parents do it or be expected to? Like I said today it's Julie, tomorrow it will be Becca. You surely can't expect the whole world to change around your son's needs because you/him can't/won't do what is responsible. Some 0arents are happy for teens to drink at their house and prefer it to them going out and sneaking around behind their backs. My parents never allowed me to visit those kids' houses because they didn't want me drinking, and if I had gone, I wouldn't have had a drink because I would have had consequences at home for violating their rules and not respecting their parenting choices. Your son should know there are consequences for actions you do not condone and if he cannot process those situations- he shouldn't be in them and you shouldn't allow him to be in those situations. You can't pick and house between him being 16 and having his own agency and doing his own thing, then cry he is vulnerable. If he is vulnerable you shouldn't be letting him out and allowing him to get into those situations in the first place.

You will run yourself haggard asking the parent's of all the girls in your area to be "put on the pill" because you can't/won't parent/teach your son the right thing and to take responsibility for his actions.

I was taught to protect myself by using two methods of protection and condoms were important to avoid pregnancy and something else like the pill to double up on avoiding an unwanted pregnancy. I was also taught despite this contraception still can fail and that if I cannot see myself parenting a child with said person then I had no business having sex with them.

I'm glad the young girl is not pregnant and you have some relief- but I don't think it will last if you don't get through to your son about his behaviour. If he is as vulnerable as you say- surely he has no business being in any of these situations and you are being more than a tad negligent.

Oh sunset put on your perfect mumsneter shoes and jog on! Be thankful you have no understanding of the situation you are obviously the perfect parent to perfect children 👋👋

No I'm the mum to 3 boys, two with LD in their teens who have the added disadvantage of beung non-white and being targeted for stop and search, and for me making sure they understand consequences and keeping them out of vulnerable situations is a life and death situation. They already have had their peers detained during the pandemic and denied access to their parents for half a day before realising they had LD. As, I'm sure you saw an unarmed gentle young man get killed in the US because police automatically assume every young black male is a threat, and shoot first, ask questions later.

When race is combined with a disability, it makes a lethal combination, as we are not often given the benefit if the doubt for erratic behaviour. So I absolutely understand my role as a parent and ensuring my teen boys are not in vulnerable situations where they can end up detained as they come across very NT and intelligent but are great at masking and parenting. Maybe if you understanding consequences was a life and death situation for your DS like it is for mine, you might take your responsibility as a parent more seriously.

Sunset I think you have lost the point of the thread and what mumsnet is or should be about. However I'm happy you take your parenting seriously and that your children have conformed and not pushed the boundaries or been lead by their peers. Maybe if we all followed your example mumsnet would be a very quiet place. Well done you and have a nice day 😊

@Ideasplease322

Sunset peach. I couldn’t agree more. I am amazed the boy is still allowed to go to the house.

My parents weren’t particularly strict (in my view!) but I am certain at 16 my parents would not have allowed me to go to this house, and that is without added vulnerabilities.

This isn’t about hating men or blaming men. This is about controlling what you can, which in this case is the boy.

Agreed

@meltinthemiddle, may I please offer a word of advice? Scroll past posts that aren't constructive. It will save you a lot of aggravation in the long-term.

@Meltinthemiddle

I didn't realise mumsnet was so anti men!! I have never blamed the girl or said my son was innocent so stop twisting my words.

@Meltinthemiddle I've read your responses and feel you've been treated unfairly by people on here who want to nit pick and get offended very easily.

You sound like a fantastic mum who's guiding their son. You've not once blamed the GF and you've stated facts about contraception.

Hope you're ok x

👆 what the fuck does that say?