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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I think my 16 year old son has got his gf pregnant...

337 replies

Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 15:41

But I think her mum has already took him and her to get an a abortion. I can't be sure yet though. I feel sick. He's been going off the rails recently and this has just topped everything. I'm not ready to be a gran anymore then they are parents. And is she has had an abortion should her parents have told us? My son has mild learning difficulties and mental health issues it's alot for him to cope with alone.

OP posts:
IndiaMay · 26/04/2021 17:06

It is a shock but you seem a bit...naive? Old fashioned? I'm not sure. You are annoyed her parents 'seemed okay with them having sex' but they are both 16, she was on the Pill, he had condoms. Obviously a mistake was made somewhere (or maybe not, someone has to be that one in every 100) and now there is a baby. I think you can speak to them both and explain the realities of young parenthood so they are armed with more knowledge before making the decision whether to have it or terminate but you cant force a termination. Are you sure her parents are "happy" or are they actually just keeping level headed and seeing how things play out/not wanting to scare daughter off or make her feel hurt. Its a delicate situation and they may feel the same as you internally but want to bide their time

Hellocatshome · 26/04/2021 17:10

I would contact the parents explain obviously this is a shock to everyone so in a few days once people have had a little time that you should all get together and work out the plan going forward.

Ideasplease322 · 26/04/2021 17:11

You absolutely do not have a right to this girls private medical information.

I understand this is stressful for you, but you can’t trample over other people’s privacy and rights like this.

Queenofbeebers · 26/04/2021 17:12

OP does the girlfriend also have learning difficulties?

I think you need to speak to the girls parents. Are they happy because your son is telling you they are happy? Or have you actually spoken to them?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 26/04/2021 17:13

the OP will be shouldering this financially along with the other set of parents so no idea why people are up in arms she wants to know what’s happening.

HST58 · 26/04/2021 17:14

OP does the girlfriend also have learning difficulties?

This is a very important question IMO.

PurBal · 26/04/2021 17:15

I know he's only 16 but 16 is the age of consent. You said he had condoms so he knows the consequences and how to practice safe sex. Support your son and the decisions he made, there's literally nothing else you can do.

PuffItsGone · 26/04/2021 17:16

I really feel for you OP. It doesn’t sound like he has really understood how big a responsibility having a child is and I’m sure you’ll end up having to pick up the pieces. It sounds like they’re going to go through with it so all you can do now is try to be supportive but I’d also be very realistic about how hard it will be.

Roundthewrekin · 26/04/2021 17:19

You definitely shouldn’t have known if she had an abortion, that her own private information. I think you need to have a conversation with everyone involved. This is a huge decision.

mam0918 · 26/04/2021 17:20

@Meltinthemiddle

I would never persuade that. But is it bad that I wish she had😭. He has development language disorder so dyslexia but with words. He's very immature. He's fucked his year up at school thinks he can get a job. Hes in love and has this picture of it all being perfect.
As a parent of a child with that condition and a sufferer of its sister condition myself I find you mentioning it bizaare, 2 children in every class of 30 on average have DLD its the most common condition and I have successfully raised my kid with a more complex version (and yes I was a good teen mom too).

It is not an illness that effects congnative thinking ability, inteligence, his ability to have sex or be a parent so has nothing to do with this at all its simply a delayed reaction to processing/finding words.

Also the school broke serious confidentiality rules by telling you this, the GF has a legal right to this being kept quite by caregivers even from her own parents nevermind from you.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 17:20

I've not asked for the girls medical information!! And no she wasn't on the pill she's not even 16 yet fgs. No she doesn't have learning difficulties. He does and I'm in the process of getting an EHCP after a year's battle. It's not about being old fashioned it's about being responsible and teaching them responsibility. He had condoms. If I had a daughter and knew they were active I would have put her on the pill. But yes I'm not her mum and its her choice/body and all that but if I was she certainly would have been on the pill. Mumsnetters know how to kick people when they are down can't post anything without blame on her !! If I'm rambling it's because I'm in shock. I've not asked for personal info or told her what to do, I've not told her to get an a abortion. I've told my son to be careful and I've made sure he was using condoms. Also told him she was under the age etc etc. Trying to be responsible parent!!!

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 26/04/2021 17:22

Well if he is 16 and she is under 16 that's a whole new problem on top of the pregnancy.

Somethingkindaoooo · 26/04/2021 17:25

@JiggedSpanner

Completely agree with Random about getting facts and the lay of the land.

Your son cannot get a full time job at 16. They have to be in training of some kind alongside a job until they are 18. I believe businesses can be prosecuted for hiring 16 year olds full time. They "need to complete at least 280 guided learning hours a year in education or training"

from Child Law Advice

I would point that out to your son and get online to look at what apprenticeships or jobs with training are out there. This is a very sad situation. Flowers

No. People do get jobs at 16. Most councils don't hunt students down.
babbaloushka · 26/04/2021 17:26

You need to speak to her parents and work out exactly what is going on.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 17:28

Do you know my son? No you don't. His inability to look after himself is quite clear. I will support them regardless but he's definitely not fully undertanding the impact of this. My main concern has been to keep him on the right path and ensure he is able to gain employment any job to be honest! His DLD has played a major fact on the fact hes unlikely to get any gcses! Anyone can get pregnant fgs and parent. But can you provide and look after your family!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 17:29

@Hellocatshome

Well if he is 16 and she is under 16 that's a whole new problem on top of the pregnancy.
Tell me about it!!
OP posts:
multivac · 26/04/2021 17:29

@GeorgiaGirl52

As the mother of a teenage son, I totally understand your feelings. She has him trapped now - and in a way, your whole family. If she has the baby, she can demand child support from him for the next 18 years. Whether or not you will have a relationship with your grandchild depends on whether she "allows" it or not. She will likely raise the child in ways you don't approve and neither you nor the baby's father will have any say in the matter. It is heartbreaking.
As the mother of two teenage sons I am bringing my boys up to find attitudes like yours utterly abhorrent. And to understand that when they have sex, they need to accept that no matter how careful they think they are being, it could result in a pregnancy, and they must consider the implications of that.
SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 26/04/2021 17:29

Social Services will be involved. Hopefully they can offer some helpful support. I wonder whether it would be useful to refer yourself, too?

HST58 · 26/04/2021 17:30

You need to speak to her parents ASAP, can you be totally sure that they're keeping the baby? I'm guessing it's early days and the girl could still be exploring her options.

I would be interested to know what her parents think about all of this, if it was my 15yr old daughter I would be devastated.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 17:30

@HST58

OP does the girlfriend also have learning difficulties?

This is a very important question IMO.

No
OP posts:
multivac · 26/04/2021 17:31

Sorry, OP - my previous post was no reflection on you. You have my genuine sympathy, as do both the children involved here x

GlitzAndGlamour26 · 26/04/2021 17:31

I feel for you OP.Speak to her parents.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 26/04/2021 17:32

It's a safeguarding issues hence why school told me about the test picture. She is 15.

OP posts:
Maggiesfarm · 26/04/2021 17:32

Her mother may have taken the girl to have an abortion - 'her' not 'him and her', he isn't pregnant. I don't think her parents should have told you if they'd made up their minds what to do; it's always possible that the other set of parents, in this case, you would not have agreed, there have been cases like that. It depends how well you know them, if at all.

Your son did not get his girlfriend pregnant, they are equal in this. However they both need to be more clued up about contraception from now on, silly idiots.

First off you need to find out from your son whether or not the girlfriend has had an abortion. I hope so but you need confirmation of that.

RandomMess · 26/04/2021 17:33

I so saddened by the posters that are clearly misreading the ops posts and having a go at her for being upset and concerned for her son.

As a Mum of girls I actually feel it's easier to deal with these circumstances than being the Mum of the boy.

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