I think my 16 year old son has got his gf pregnant...

[Meltinthemiddle]

But I think her mum has already took him and her to get an a abortion. I can't be sure yet though. I feel sick. He's been going off the rails recently and this has just topped everything. I'm not ready to be a gran anymore then they are parents. And is she has had an abortion should her parents have told us? My son has mild learning difficulties and mental health issues it's alot for him to cope with alone.

Oh OP you must be in shock. I have an almost 16 year old ds and I would be devastated. I feel he is still a child himself and as your son has learning difficulties you must feel very protective over him.

Sorry OP but I just can’t stop thinking about you Your poor family.

The girl’s mum sounds deluded. What good does she think will come of an unwanted pregnancy by all these actual adults? The girl is having a baby with no job, her parents give her alcohol, her mum is happy she’s pregnant, and your son has no GCSE’s and a learning disability. Great start

I would definitely be speaking to her parents. He has SEN & you need to be involved.

Your DS has a right to know what's happening going forward and in his situation that needs to be with your support.

It doesn't sound like her parents would be bothered about discussing it and I wouldn't take DS's word for them being happy about it, but they might be.

Sounds like a complete nightmare. -sorry 💐

Some people here seem to love kicking someone when they're down. Of course the OP has a right to be upset. Her son clearly isn't ready to be a parent. No wonder she's upset.

How can I get my head around it!! He came home and said I was going to be a nan with a smile. Obviously if she had an abortion then that would it have explained ds behaviour and I would have wanted to support them and ensure it didn't happen again. It's alot to take in. But I'm devastated. Talking to him just makes me realise hes not even aware of the situation. I'm a grandmother at 40 😥

I totally get how you feel and think it's all bollocks. If she gets to call all the shots because it is "her body" then she can deal with it herself. It is not fair that the woman always gets to dictate and have the man pay for her choices. He should have used a condom but men can be stupid when their sex life is in play.

I really feel for you, perhaps you can ask to go over and speak with DS, GF & her parents just to check the facts such as due date, initial plans for her continuing education, living arrangements, support etc.

I guess you don't give your opinion on any of it just be clear on what support you can offer and that your DS will mostly likely be doing resits unless by some miracle he gets a job.

Mainly I would want to have a "friendly" chat so you know the facts/truth from the horses mouth rather than your DS interpretation of what is going on.

Oh OP, that's so hard. And at 16 he can't just leave school and get a job, you're supposed to be in education or training until 18 now.

I guess all you can do is try to support them. I remember when I was a teacher being told that if any of our students told us they were pregnant we were not to congratulate them (one of mine did at 17) but it goes against all the natural reflexes.

As the mother of a teenage son, I totally understand your feelings. She has him trapped now - and in a way, your whole family. If she has the baby, she can demand child support from him for the next 18 years. Whether or not you will have a relationship with your grandchild depends on whether she "allows" it or not.
She will likely raise the child in ways you don't approve and neither you nor the baby's father will have any say in the matter. It is heartbreaking.

Really Sunshine Cake? Women ‘dictate’ whether or not men put a condom on their dicks and where they put it?

If she only had a positive test today how would she have had an abortion so quickly. How much does your sons LD affect his capacity? This is a potential safeguarding situation.

Ahhhhhhh.
The absolute scenes of misogyny on this thread blows my mind “not fair that the woman gets to dictate” “men can be stupid when their sex life is at play”
Jesus wept.
Op you honestly do seem to be more incensed by the girl and her family than your DS. He was involved, he didn’t use protection presumably and he sounds immature so maybe part of your anger is at yourself for not ensuring he was completely secure in how to use contraception before embarking on a sexual relationship.

I meant to add a virtual hug for OP. I’m so sorry, it’s such difficult situation

@crosspelican

Wait, so her Mum is HAPPY about this? What on earth does she picture for her child having a child with another child who has learning difficulties, who they've been giving alcohol to?

I'm so sorry, Melt. I suppose all you can do is love and support him. Has he any hope of getting enough GCSE's to get an apprenticeship? Maybe this will focus his mind a bit if you can sell it to him as being "for his child"?

He doesn’t need GCSEs to get an Apprenticeship. He can redo maths and English alongside his Apprenticeship. I would advise he looks at the local Council Apprenticeships as they actively recruit people who have LD and will have the best approach to help him to succeed. My son was and in this situation- 15 years later they are both in good jobs and married, with 2 happy well adjusted children. It can work.

Does your DSs school have a careers’ advisor? They would be the perfect person to help your DS come up with a realistic plan for his continuing education and job search bearing in mind his desire to start earning money to support his gf and potential baby. Could you get him a meeting organized? School know about the pregnancy test photo already so he might talk more openly within someone there.

@TheSockMonster

Really Sunshine Cake? Women ‘dictate’ whether or not men put a condom on their dicks and where they put it?

No. That's not what I said and you know it but for the sake of you. If a man is in bed and she says no, don't, it's better without then a lot of men won't bother. They aren't thinking about pregnancy. She does get to dictate whether she has the baby or not though.

Virtual hug. It's not ideal and not what you would have wanted but all you can do is support your son. GF will make her own decision about continuing with the pregnancy or not, but that is not within your control.

I would let the GF parents know that you are aware of the pregnancy and have concerns about your son's understanding of the magnitude of this information. But you can't control how they react or their response.

Good luck.

Completely agree with Random about getting facts and the lay of the land.

Your son cannot get a full time job at 16. They have to be in training of some kind alongside a job until they are 18. I believe businesses can be prosecuted for hiring 16 year olds full time. They "need to complete at least 280 guided learning hours a year in education or training"

from Child Law Advice

I would point that out to your son and get online to look at what apprenticeships or jobs with training are out there. This is a very sad situation.

This is very difficult.
If your son has SN/SEN then he is even less able to understand the realities of raising this baby if the girl continues with her pregnancy (a decision neither he nor you have any say in but will affect you hugely)
I'd be concerned that he is vulnerable and they were giving him booze which could have affected his ability to be responsible with condoms

My mind boggles that her Mother is 'pleased'. Her child having a child with a child with SEN. How hard for everyone involved that will be :(

If my 16yo son came home saying he got his GF pregnant, I wouldn’t be lovely, supportive and understanding like people suggest on here, no. Of course I’d reassure him that I love him and will be there for him ( for him, not for the dirty diapers and sleepless nights), but he’d get a good talk about irresponsibility, I wouldn’t hide how upset I was. I say that as someone who would never consider an abortion or encourage someone else to have it, but come on, I’m not going to look happy about two teenagers having a baby.

I’m sorry OP, what a tough situation to be in. I’d definitely give him a stern talking to and let him know how disappointed and upset I was. He doesn’t seem to understand this is not happy news. The GF’s parents don’t sound too helpful either.

@GoodbyePorpoiseSpit

Ahhhhhhh. The absolute scenes of misogyny on this thread blows my mind “not fair that the woman gets to dictate” “men can be stupid when their sex life is at play” Jesus wept. Op you honestly do seem to be more incensed by the girl and her family than your DS. He was involved, he didn’t use protection presumably and he sounds immature so maybe part of your anger is at yourself for not ensuring he was completely secure in how to use contraception before embarking on a sexual relationship.

If you mean me I am not a misogynist. I'm just sick of woman dictating whether the father of the child sees the baby or not and withholding access for stupid reasons. This is a general point. Clearly not related to this couple but seen enough posts on here.

@Joeblack066 good advice and more positive than mine !

Does the girlfriend have learning difficulties too?

What a shock. I'm sorry OP.

OP take a breath and see if you can have a chat to someone in real life - the year head at school might be a good start.

You shouldn’t have been told about her medical appointments any more than she should have access to your medical history. It sounds like your son’s SEN don’t impact on his capacity so he is the person you need to get the info from. It may well be that now is the time to gently let go what you hoped and to think strategically. You want a relationship with him and your grandchild then you act supportive albeit realistic. I have seen may babies born to young parents and actually what is remarkable is how often it works out ok. All new parents to be are naive - your son has no chance of being overly realistic. It’s just not something you can make happen easily.

Poor you terrible situation