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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Erm, did I approach this correctly?

204 replies

Champagneforeveryone · 27/02/2021 12:03

Because none of the parenting books mention how to deal with situations like this Confused

I came down to leave for work early this morning and found a small drawstring bag on the worktop. I looked in it and found a rather large, shiny item. Which was not what I expected over my cornflakes.

There's only me, DH and DS (nearly 17) in the house. It's not mine or DH's so I messaged DS and asked if he was missing anything. He's basically admitted it is his and the conversation was very light and non-committal, but I was somewhat at a loss for what to say. I have no desire to know the ins and outs (excuse the pun) of it but simply requested it didn't live on the worktop. He said he thought that was best and we agreed to forget the conversation had ever happened.

I imagine he's mortified (thank god for WhatsApp) but should I be doing or saying anything else?

FWIW, I hid the bag so DH didn't find it so it's only me and him who know. I'm not convinced this is a conversation DH and I really need to have if I'm honest Grin

OP posts:
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 27/02/2021 12:05

What was in the bag? What was the item?

Kollin · 27/02/2021 12:06

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat

What was in the bag? What was the item?

A massive dildo?

CoastAlong · 27/02/2021 12:06

I have no idea what the item is but sound like it's something embarrasing from what you have written. If so I think you dealt with it perfectly.

Muskox · 27/02/2021 12:07

What's the item??

ChonkyChook · 27/02/2021 12:07

Shiny item? Was it a Pokémon card?

AllMyPrettyOnes · 27/02/2021 12:08

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat

What was in the bag? What was the item?
This
Original poster
Champagneforeveryone · 27/02/2021 12:09

I deliberately avoided posting what its a bit too much information and I was concerned about sounding like a troll.

But yes coastalong, the phrase "embarrassing" pretty much covers it Confused

OP posts:
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 27/02/2021 12:09

A massive dildo?

Why didn’t she just write that? Why the cryptic clues?

EggysMom · 27/02/2021 12:17

I'm guessing butt-plug.
And no, DH does not need to know. This is a situation and conversation best forgotten.

starfishmummy · 27/02/2021 12:25

If you havent mentioned it to your DH, how do you know it isnt his?

Your DS could be mortified because it is not his and he is keeping quiet about that rather than dropping his Dad in it.

Original poster
Champagneforeveryone · 27/02/2021 12:31

starfish I would bet my life it's not DH's, he is extremely straight laced with regard to things like that.

Plus we went to bed at the same time and I was first downstairs at 05.30am. The only person who would have been downstairs is DS, and he said he "probably took it out of his pocket and forgot to pick it back up"

OP posts:
CassiaLime · 27/02/2021 12:44

He's still 16 , yes?

I think I'd like to know just a little more about this. If you'd found it in his bedroom in a drawer then yes, I'd consider that private and probably wouldn't say much, if anything

Oh the kitchen table ? I'd want to know where it was being taken to and if everything was OK. I'd like to know my son wasn't being exploited in any way or was in any sort of trouble

What was it anyway? Just say as that can have a bearing on advice

MistakenAgain · 27/02/2021 12:47

I would be saying I just want to make sure you are safe and using protection, not putting himself at risk. Risk of STIs, HIV. There is not enough from what you post online but if there was a possibility of it being multiple partners met online I would talk about risks of meeting someone they don't know.

FourteenthDoctor · 27/02/2021 12:49

I agree with @CassiaLime

Zippy1510 · 27/02/2021 12:51

Really depends what the item is/ is it for personal use or for use with a partner?

UhtredRagnarson · 27/02/2021 12:52

Odd that you needed to hide it from your DH.

GertiMJN · 27/02/2021 12:53

should I be doing or saying anything else?

I genuinely don't know what you are asking. Could you clarify what your concerns are? Is it his use of the "item", sex in general, relationships, his untidiness...?

Original poster
Champagneforeveryone · 27/02/2021 12:54

Thank you cassia.

I don't believe it was going anywhere, we are (obviously) in lockdown and DS hasn't left the house for weeks. We live in a village and there's nowhere for him to go and no public transport.

OP posts:
Oblomov21 · 27/02/2021 12:54

Blimey. It's young to be using that so early in a relationship isn't it? Or is that the done thing in a relationship these days? Is it his first boyfriend or had he had many?

HoppingPavlova · 27/02/2021 12:56

I really have no idea what the item is. From the OP, I thought it was a dildo but then the son said he took it out of his pocket so it can’t be a dildo. No idea what a large shiny item that fits in a pocket and seems to be mortifying all round us. I guess I live a sheltered life.

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 27/02/2021 12:58

How do you know it's not your husbands?

derryrose1980 · 27/02/2021 13:00

Large shiny item in a small drawstring bag...I am confused on size now lol

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 27/02/2021 13:01

Aww cross post, nothing to be ashamed about unless you make it that way.

FenceSplinters · 27/02/2021 13:01

What was the item?

RocketHog · 27/02/2021 13:02

Don’t those laughing gas things look like silver bullet vibrators? I believe those are popular with teenagers. The gas that is, maybe vibrators too, who knows. I’m middle aged with no kids but I’ve learnt a lot on MN!

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