Erm, did I approach this correctly?

[Champagneforeveryone]

Because none of the parenting books mention how to deal with situations like this

I came down to leave for work early this morning and found a small drawstring bag on the worktop. I looked in it and found a rather large, shiny item. Which was not what I expected over my cornflakes.

There's only me, DH and DS (nearly 17) in the house. It's not mine or DH's so I messaged DS and asked if he was missing anything. He's basically admitted it is his and the conversation was very light and non-committal, but I was somewhat at a loss for what to say. I have no desire to know the ins and outs (excuse the pun) of it but simply requested it didn't live on the worktop. He said he thought that was best and we agreed to forget the conversation had ever happened.

I imagine he's mortified (thank god for WhatsApp) but should I be doing or saying anything else?

FWIW, I hid the bag so DH didn't find it so it's only me and him who know. I'm not convinced this is a conversation DH and I really need to have if I'm honest

What surprises me is that a 16 year old boy voluntarily did any washing up...

Omg was he washing it in the dishwasher!

Sorry haven’t read the full thread so might have mentioned this but did it possibly arrive in the post that’s why it was in the kitchen? I can’t think of any other reason why it would be out of his bedroom.

@Champagneforeveryone

Sorry all, I did post an update but I was at work and it seems not to have posted.

I didn't mention initially as it seemed a bit hairy handed, but yes it was a butt plug. I'm certain, not least because it had a jewelled end (handle?)

He's a bit bashful and we haven't spoken of it, we still have that to look forward to

Oh, I was going with vibrator but didn't know butt plugs came with shiny bits.

I think you er, handled it, just fine

A grim find for the kitchen though.

@NotSeenBulling

I went to a party once where all the balloons were weighted to the middle of the tables by stainless steel butt plugs.

It was a fun party.

I would have thought “what clever little balloon weights” , or assumed they were for wine bottles or something. I have no idea what such an item looks like . .

Now I just want to buy one as an ornament and leave it on the sideboard to see if anyone comments 😂

Yeah, this happened.

Why are you all so uptight about it? Yes, your sexually mature son has a sex toy. Big deal.

Now I want to know how he acquired it over lockdown. Any recent Amazon deliveries?

I would just laugh to be honest, and tell him to keep things like that in his room.

A buttplug on the dining room table? Fucking hell, I can almost feel his stomach lurching as he read the text 😂😂😂

rwalker The word is "prostate" not "prostrate".

Whatever it is, it sounds revolting!

Oh no! OP has spoilt her Mother’s Day surprise gift. How disappointing for her DS 🤣

I hope he didn’t run it through the dish washer for a clean 😬

I wouldn’t mention it to him...ever again, he’s probably rather embarrassed.

You're sure it's not a wine stopper ? 😂

I hadn't checked this thread for a couple days and didn't realise it was still rumbling on. For the sake of clarity and in answer to all the questions,

• I have no particular issue with butt plugs when they're not on my worktop but it just seemed like the sort of thing I would be accused of trolling over, hence my reticence.
• DS has no boy / girlfriend, but a small group of good friends (mostly male) I would be surprised if he was gay as there has never been any indication, but DH and I would not be bothered and he knows this.
• DS hasn't broken lockdown at all. He cannot go out without getting a lift and there is no public transport.
• Following on from above, there has been a steady stream of deliveries for all of us over lockdown. Unless it arrived in an envelope with "Buttplugs R Us" on it, I would be clueless. There are no sex shops in our naice county town
• The WhatsApp exchange was light and as jokey as it is possible to be in the circumstances. I am not a "cool" mum, but equally I don't have it in me to lose my head over something like this. I imagine he was mortified and we decided it would never be spoken of again.

Lol. Sounds as if you handled it all very sensibly Awks though...

we haven't spoken of it, we still have that to look forward to

@Champagneforeveryone Why does it need to be discussed further? I don't think I would've mentioned it at all.

@DIshedUp

If he was cleaning his butt plug in the sink a conversation is definitely needed!

Exactly! Maybe he waited til the coast was clear for a good wash with washing up liquid! Time to disinfect everything and put those tea towels in the wash! It maybe necessary to give him some helpful advice about the appropriate care (washing and hygiene) of sex toys.

Just tell him to be careful, those jewelled ones have been known to get lost inside.

@SirenSays I think I have a very similar one, not that I use it. It won't get lost inside as it's wider at the base. www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/butt-plugs/jewelled-butt-plugs/p/lovehoney-jewelled-metal-beginners-butt-plug-2.5-inch/a41225g75119.html

Can I just applaud you for how you've handled it. You say your not a cool mum but your reaction says otherwise.
I'm sure he is stupidly embarrassed but agree with poster in regards to the chat about washing and hygiene of sex toys.

I imagine he was mortified and we decided it would never be spoken of again.

I imagine if this did happen, that he’ll be even more mortified if he knew his mum was posting about it on Mumsnet. Let’s hope it doesn’t end up in the DM like so many threads on here do.

I think if I was OP I would be spring cleaning the kitchen and feeling violated about now. OP you've taken this very well.

@SoulofanAggron Have a quick hunt around Google, there are countless stories of the jewelled ones getting lost inside. I personally had to escort a lovely but mortified young woman up to theatres to have hers removed. I'm sure they're fine for some, but I wouldn't use one.