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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Erm, did I approach this correctly?

204 replies

Champagneforeveryone · 27/02/2021 12:03

Because none of the parenting books mention how to deal with situations like this Confused

I came down to leave for work early this morning and found a small drawstring bag on the worktop. I looked in it and found a rather large, shiny item. Which was not what I expected over my cornflakes.

There's only me, DH and DS (nearly 17) in the house. It's not mine or DH's so I messaged DS and asked if he was missing anything. He's basically admitted it is his and the conversation was very light and non-committal, but I was somewhat at a loss for what to say. I have no desire to know the ins and outs (excuse the pun) of it but simply requested it didn't live on the worktop. He said he thought that was best and we agreed to forget the conversation had ever happened.

I imagine he's mortified (thank god for WhatsApp) but should I be doing or saying anything else?

FWIW, I hid the bag so DH didn't find it so it's only me and him who know. I'm not convinced this is a conversation DH and I really need to have if I'm honest Grin

OP posts:
TellerTuesday4EVA · 27/02/2021 13:02

@HoppingPavlova

I really have no idea what the item is. From the OP, I thought it was a dildo but then the son said he took it out of his pocket so it can’t be a dildo. No idea what a large shiny item that fits in a pocket and seems to be mortifying all round us. I guess I live a sheltered life.
Not just you, I'm totally baffled 🙈
Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 27/02/2021 13:05

Grin at concern over his untidiness .

SoupDragon · 27/02/2021 13:05

The "item" is obviously a sex toy. There's surely no need to know beyond that really!

SoupDragon · 27/02/2021 13:06

@HoppingPavlova

I really have no idea what the item is. From the OP, I thought it was a dildo but then the son said he took it out of his pocket so it can’t be a dildo. No idea what a large shiny item that fits in a pocket and seems to be mortifying all round us. I guess I live a sheltered life.
I'm quite straight laced but, thanks to MN, I have a couple of ideas as to what it might be 😂
morninglive · 27/02/2021 13:07

Fake vagina?

Brunt0n · 27/02/2021 13:09

It’ll be a butt plug.
And i’m not sure why on earth that would be in the kitchen 😳

Kollin · 27/02/2021 13:10

Why are you being so coy about what it is? Literally no one gives a right royal fuck about what the thing is. I find threads like this so infuriating, why post!?

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 27/02/2021 13:12

I'm so confused. I thought sex toy until he took it out of his pocket.
Come on OP stop being coy and tell us all what it was?

HoppingPavlova · 27/02/2021 13:14

The "item" is obviously a sex toy. There's surely no need to know beyond that really!

Well, now many of us are wondering though. It’s like a riddle. What’s large and shiny, fits in a pocket and is a sex toy. I guess it’s the ‘large’ and ‘pocket’ are the bits that have people including myself stumped as they seem counterintuitive. If something is large it normally doesn’t fit into a pocket. Unless it’s some odd massive pocket?

PhilCornwall1 · 27/02/2021 13:20

I'd want to know where it was being taken to and if everything was OK.

If it's a butt plug as a PP said, we know where it's being taken and god I wouldn't be ok after!! 😭😭

ragged · 27/02/2021 13:26

The only thing more disgusting than learning about your parents' sex life is learning about your children's. Well handled, OP.

partyatthepalace · 27/02/2021 13:34

Well handled, but I would probably have a safe sex chat with him. I know you say he couldn’t be meeting anyone but if so why isn’t it just in his bedroom? It’s Possible to find a partner in a village. I wouldn’t ask him either way but would talk safety.

Stopcollaborateandlisten77 · 27/02/2021 13:42

I don’t understand this 🙈

CassiaLime · 27/02/2021 14:02

But it isn't particularly well handled is it? He's 16. He's a child, not an adult. And yep, he's entitled to a private life but come on.... he's left a butt plug/ dildo / flesh light / who the hell knows what, out on the table. In the kitchen.

The overwhelming majority of parents would like to know a little more about this. Is he gay? Meeting people online? Watching explicit porn? I would be approaching it differently. I'd probably say ' I don't particularly care to delve into your private stuff but I wouldn't be doing my job properly as your parent if I didn't ask you about this. So I need to know that you're not getting into something that you perhaps shouldn't be.'

I'd then reiterate that I was always here to talk to, that there was nothing he couldn't tell me and that - crucially - there could be nothing he'd done that we couldn't put right if that was the case.

I've had/ had a couple of teenagers. They need keeping an eye on.

But errr ... we still need to know what the item is 😂

Hermanfromguesswho · 27/02/2021 14:11

Agree with all of this. He’s still very young. Leaving it in the kitchen could be his way of trying to start a conversation with you about something he’s not feeling quite right about.

Lollypop701 · 27/02/2021 14:19

If it’s a butt plug, I’d be happy it was in a bag and not just left on the kitchen surface (boak)

DIshedUp · 27/02/2021 14:22

Is it a butt plug?
Why on earth was it in the kitchen? Why was it in his pocket?

I guess it depends what exactly the toy was/how big etc - as in is their any risk from using it, but honestly I'd probably want more of a chat, he's quite young

shavenraven · 27/02/2021 14:39

OP, next time you make a post can you include the most important piece of information Hmm

You want opinions but we don't know what was in the bag so how can we give opinions?

Are you a prude?

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 27/02/2021 15:05

Could it be a vibrator and he was only using it to put some froth on his hot chocolate (not an euphemism) last night?

HalzTangz · 27/02/2021 15:07

@Muskox

What's the item??
My guess it was a butt plug
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 27/02/2021 15:08

You what, TwoLeftSocksWithHoles?! Shock

Bunnybigears · 27/02/2021 15:11

Leaving it in the kitchen is not normal behaviour for a 16 year old who doesnt want to have to have an embarrassing discussion with his parents. Either he is trying to start a conversation or he had someone over/went out last night.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 27/02/2021 15:13

Are but plugs shiny? I’m voting a vibrator.

justanotherneighinparadise · 27/02/2021 15:16

I didn’t think butt plugs were shiny either. Also why would he have it in his pocket in a drawstring bag? I’m going for a massive shiny rock of crack cocaine.

usedandabusedx1000 · 27/02/2021 15:21

This thread is going well 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’d be more concerned as to why he is feeling the need to use whatever item it is in any room but his bedroom! Better to have found it on the kitchen side than witnessing it being used I suppose 🤷🏻‍♀️

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