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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Erm, did I approach this correctly?

204 replies

Champagneforeveryone · 27/02/2021 12:03

Because none of the parenting books mention how to deal with situations like this Confused

I came down to leave for work early this morning and found a small drawstring bag on the worktop. I looked in it and found a rather large, shiny item. Which was not what I expected over my cornflakes.

There's only me, DH and DS (nearly 17) in the house. It's not mine or DH's so I messaged DS and asked if he was missing anything. He's basically admitted it is his and the conversation was very light and non-committal, but I was somewhat at a loss for what to say. I have no desire to know the ins and outs (excuse the pun) of it but simply requested it didn't live on the worktop. He said he thought that was best and we agreed to forget the conversation had ever happened.

I imagine he's mortified (thank god for WhatsApp) but should I be doing or saying anything else?

FWIW, I hid the bag so DH didn't find it so it's only me and him who know. I'm not convinced this is a conversation DH and I really need to have if I'm honest Grin

OP posts:
Dontsayfuckorbugger · 27/02/2021 18:25

Seriously OP support your child whatever

SirenSays · 27/02/2021 18:26

Earplugs? No haha. You'd be giving Dumbo a run for her money if you can fit buttplugs in your ears.

CassiaLime · 27/02/2021 18:27

Fucking hell, there's some cool parenting going on here! Are people missing that he's 16? He'd have some explaining to do to me that's for sure. He's not an adult! That's the only circumstance in which I'd have coyly whatsapped and agreed to ultimately turn a blind eye providing I didn't have to ever see it next to my coffee again

Although it seems kinda ... strange. A 16 year old leaving a butt plug in the kitchen? No wonder you thought it sounded a bit hairy handed ..

InFiveMins · 27/02/2021 18:33

Why did he leave it in a place you'd find it? Confused

He can do what he likes in his own bedroom, but bit weird to leave it around the house where it can just be picked up and handled by anyone.

I'd be telling him he can do what he likes in the privacy of his own bedroom but not to leave anything like that in the main areas of the house again.

Something else that crossed my mind - do you know that he's gay? Is this an odd way of him trying to come out to you?

LittleMimi · 27/02/2021 18:41

Is he normally absentminded? I really think some of the posts are missing the mark. I can’t believe any boy leaving a sex toy on purpose to start up a conversation about sex or sexuality.

I think you handled it well. I’m not sure what the right way is. It is creepy to find it in the kitchen but hopefully like others say it was brought down to clean it.

Octane · 27/02/2021 18:46

Fucking hell, there's some cool parenting going on here! Are people missing that he's 16? He'd have some explaining to do to me that's for sure

But... Explain what? That he puts it in his bum? What more is there to say?

Cheator · 27/02/2021 18:54

I would guess he was cleaning it in the sink and forgot it. Kids have so much access to all kinds of things via the internet so it's no surprise they are experimenting earlier.

Leah2005 · 27/02/2021 19:18

Are you sure it wasn't a wine stopper? Grin

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 27/02/2021 19:26

I'm still rather confused, we have water butts and the 'plug' is not shiny at all, it is black and tap-like. You can apparently attach a hose if need be.
I wouldn't be at all happy if garden implements were being washed in the kitchen, fortunately I believe that Bodkin, the under-gardener, scrubs our external equipment using the outside tap.

BertieBotts · 27/02/2021 19:54

It's not "cool parenting", it's more what benefit is it to discuss with a 16yo?

What do you think you could say that would possibly make a difference?

What is the concern? They are having sex and/or masturbating - just like every other 16 year old in the world!

Sarcobaleno · 27/02/2021 20:02

C'mon. It's not just masturbating or having sex. He left a butt plug in the kitchen.

haggisandmarsbar · 27/02/2021 20:03

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

I'm still rather confused, we have water butts and the 'plug' is not shiny at all, it is black and tap-like. You can apparently attach a hose if need be. I wouldn't be at all happy if garden implements were being washed in the kitchen, fortunately I believe that Bodkin, the under-gardener, scrubs our external equipment using the outside tap.
Have you ever stopped to consider what he might be doing with your vacuum cleaner?
BertieBotts · 27/02/2021 20:08

Presumably by accident, though.

DIshedUp · 27/02/2021 20:13

If he was cleaning his butt plug in the sink a conversation is definitely needed!

GertiMJN · 27/02/2021 20:14

It's not just masturbating or having sex. He left a butt plug in the kitchen.

What do you mean? What is the significance of the location of where he (presumably accidentally) left the butt plug (which was hygienically encased in a bag).

Koolandorthegang · 27/02/2021 20:28

How’s it going OP, did you have a chat with bashful butt plug boy then?

Sarcobaleno · 27/02/2021 20:36

@GertiMJN

It's not just masturbating or having sex. He left a butt plug in the kitchen.

What do you mean? What is the significance of the location of where he (presumably accidentally) left the butt plug (which was hygienically encased in a bag).

I mean, as I said in my previous post, it indicates an either conscious or subconscious want for discussion; or a pretty relaxed attitude towards it and since he's only 16 that would make me have a few questions (how I would verbalise those I'm not sure).
UnsolicitedDickPic · 27/02/2021 20:56

A friend of mine used to run his butt plugs through the dishwasher. Just a thought, OP.

karenxx · 27/02/2021 21:00

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Sarcobaleno · 27/02/2021 21:06

I also let my sons watch anything freely

I'm definitely learning I'm a prude of a mum. Porn on the family tv, no... butt plugs in the kitchen, no...

whatisthislifesofullofcare · 27/02/2021 21:18

maybe he took it downstairs to watch some late night porn on tv once the oldies were in bed, then went to the kitchen to wash it & get a glass of water to take to bed and forgot to pick it again.

Voice0fReason · 27/02/2021 21:29

The overwhelming majority of parents would like to know a little more about this. Is he gay? Meeting people online? Watching explicit porn?

I don't understand how the owning of a butt plug would lead to any of those questions.
Sounds like he is masturbating - like every 16 year old boy does.

karenxx · 27/02/2021 21:31

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DidYouTouchMyDrumKit · 27/02/2021 21:42

@karenxx you're a bit of an idiot then aren't you? Talk about totally absolving yourself of any parenting responsibilities whatsoever

BertieBotts · 27/02/2021 21:50

It's not like he whacked it out on the table in the middle of Sunday dinner :o

Sorry but I think it's bonkers/way overthinking to say that he "subconsciously wants a discussion".

Butt plugs don't mean someone is gay if that's what you mean. I expect he is mortified and quite rightly!

Relaxed attitude is more likely, but I'm not sure why a "relaxed attitude" towards sex toys/masturbation is worthy of concern? Have you met any teenage boys? Confused

TBH I think it's naive in the extreme if you think teenagers (not all of them but a significant proportion) are not experimenting with putting various items in orifices. Rather a device bought and designed for the purpose than some random household item that unsuspecting people will go on to use