Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Those times when you've just utterly, utterly sick of teenagers and their apathy

220 replies

DoinItForTheKids · 04/06/2018 18:12

Mine are driving me NUTS.

We've got a chores list - it's literally like pulling teeth. Have just had to repeat the instruction for the third time in 2 days for DS to empty the kitchen bin. So, he finally empties it. He puts a clean bin bag in. All going good so far. He then leaves the full bag tied up in the kitchen. I then have to ask him to come downstairs, take the bag out through the piece of architecture known as the 'front door', and place it into the wheelie bin. Done, but with much huffing and throwing of the front door keys on the hallway floor afterwards. DS never washes, he stinks, his room reeks (frankly, can't wait until he goes to Uni in September but have no idea how I'll fumigate the room and return it to a normal aroma because Febreeze ain't gonna cut it, how effective would napalm be...?).

DD 'feeling sick' so 'can't come down for dinner' and will 'eat later' and 'oh do you mind if I have the living room from 9pm as |I want to watch Love Island' - not too sick for that then... I've told her I'm sick of her 'eating later' and how can anyone feel that sick that often that they can't manage a bit of tea?!? You then can't clear up the kitchen and she goes down later, makes a massive mess whilst heating it up and then I have to sort that out the following morning. SICK of going into DDs room and not being able to open the effing door fully to get in there!!!!! Floordrobe in full swing, crap everywhere, glasses of festering milk from three days ago, rubbish bin full to overflowing - and this is at the same time as she's requesting a substantial makeover of her room including a new bed, new wardrobes and new flooring - who in their right mind would install the white laminate floor she wants when she spills things, grinds in eyeshadow and mascara, lets candle wax pool on the floor, periods all over her sheets and duvet, and just generally leaves a trail of utter devastation in her wake?

The problem is whilst I'm doing what I'm supposed to which is making them do this stuff because they damn well should do it, I'm bloody exhausted from having to drive them forward to do it all the time. The first week I did keep turning the WiFi router off until they appeared and did the chores but that affects me negatively as well as I can't then come on MN!! Angry

It's the sheer levels of energy it's taking and I'm starting to feel highly, highly aggrieved at their bloody attitude.

Oh and today, DS (18) was in all day, it's a non college day. We have a Ring doorbell. Both him and his DS have been told to get the app that goes with it, she has, I don't know if he has. So I'm at work, doorbell rings. I can't do anything about it as I know he needs a signature. So I Hangouts DS. No answer. Doorbell rings again - that'll be the other parcel due today me thinks. I message him again please answer the door. He doesn't. Both parcels taken back. When he finally responds to my Hangouts message about 30 minutes later he says "Oh I only just turned my wifi back on" - BULLSHIT!!! What teen turns their WiFi off, ever?! I said to him tonight this is just normal stuff that families do for each other you know, to help each other out, you are expected to take part in these kinds of helpful acts.

I mean, can't you just be helpful already??

Any brainwaves on ways to achieve submission cos I'm literally at the point where I'm so tired but also so fed up, that I could end up throwing the Sky hub out in the trash until they actively comply without me even having to say anything (and then I'm really stuffed!).

OP posts:
DoinItForTheKids · 21/06/2018 20:22

Oh Ledkr! Ha ha!

The other week I asked DD if she wanted to pop into town (it's only 5 mins drive away, literally) and it was probably to look at something to do with nail polish purchasing or some such fripperies and as I walked out and starting going past my car she was like"What are you doing?!!!?" - I said we're walking into town (I can't be bothered to take the car and then have to circle round and round to get a parking space etc) - we spent about 2 minutes on this with her saying we couldn't possibly walk (I hate walking at the best of times but it takes no more than 8 minutes to walk into our local town) and I said well, I'm going now and she stomped back in the house and I went to town on my own!! Knickers to it.

Well, my new friend Sky hub had a lovely trip on a variety of trains today, tucked safely into my bag. He attended a specialist management course and supported me through a multi choice exam. You can see Sky hub enjoying himself on the final train back to my home town.

DS tried to claim that he had vacced but in the space of a few hours all this dust had settled and it wasn't his lack of vacuuming (my arse) and DD was outraged telling me she'd had to stare at the ceiling for an hour because there was NOTHING else she could do. I just ignored all of this twaddle, switched off my phone and got on with my course quite happily Grin.

So, they've got broadband back and we'll see if it's had any effect. I've told them today that rides, WiFi, laundry, ironing etc are a privilege NOT a right and can be withdrawn at any time. That families help each other to do the bare basics around the house and they're expected to muck in.

Let's hope for their sakes that the message has gone home. I'm actually not sure it has tbh but we shall see.

Those times when you've just utterly, utterly sick of teenagers and their apathy
OP posts:
Ledkr · 21/06/2018 22:56

I wonder if this thread is helping us all stand firmer.
Dd needs a lift to college early tomorrow and wants her boyfriend to stay.
I told her she needs to take her washing down and clear up the bathroom or I'm not doing it. I mean it too.

Earlier I asked her to strip the spare bed which she uses more than her own!
She managed to bring down the bottom sheet, one pillow case and the cover less duvet Confused what goes through their minds???

DoinItForTheKids · 22/06/2018 05:13

Who knows, who knows.

OP posts:
thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 22/06/2018 05:24

I am 37 and read your post thinking how like me your children sounded when I was their age.

My room was awful, I never lifted a finger at home and was very rude to my parents. I don't even know why.

I really struggled at uni and was so disorganised. However by the end I had become the person I am today - a total neat freak, very organised and efficient and the total opposite to how I was at 19. So hang in there!

DoinItForTheKids · 22/06/2018 05:37

I'm praying for that day thatmustbe!! Hope is out there then.

OP posts:
Sophionaliv · 22/06/2018 09:04

The thread has definitely helped me. One to know it’s not just me so therefore not the crap mother I thought I must be and two to start standing my ground and not being so hurt by their reactions 😊

DraughtyWindow · 22/06/2018 12:16

None of us are crap parents. All of us want the best for our teens. All of us are trying our best.

I think this is a great thread for supporting us through those horrendously difficult times when we probably feel so exhausted and frustrated that you’re just going round in circles. Flowers to all of you amazing Mums. One day they will thank us. One day. Hmm

whattheactualbleep · 24/06/2018 09:55

Well it's settled down here at last.
After the eldest having a strop for two days about us saying he can stay three nights and him trying it on via message on mon eve he finally got the message.
He stomped out of ours tues eve after coming back to get a few days worth of stuff saying see you Friday.
We were polite and chatty and didn't show a reaction. Normally I'd message every day just saying have a good day etc or reminding him of things he needs to do but I didn't and come Thursday afternoon he suddenly messaged a jokey thing.

Got home from work Friday and he was here and hanging his washing out Smile(finally after three weeks of leaving it even though I said I wouldn't do it ) he was chatting away and sorted food for him and gf.
They were quiet when we went to bed and although they came down and cooked later the kitchen was spotless when I got up so maybe it's finally sunk in who knows.
He was much happier though and chatted for ages before they went off again.

We stood firm so hopefully it shows we are not tolerating it all.

DoinItForTheKids · 24/06/2018 11:19

Bloody hell whatthe - RESULT!

Absolutely fabulous.

I'm currently back and forth messaging with DD about the state of her room. She doesn't realise that if she leaves hay and sawdust all over the floor (no, we're not doing a stable type bedroom scenario, she has small furry pets!!) that it will get on her clothes and eventually either by that method or just tracking it on her feet, it spreads then across the landing then down the stairs, then into the lounge, then the hallway, then the kitchen - they can only see as far as the immediate problem (and they don't even seem to see that half the time!). I'd bought her a coat last week off eBay but blimey it's a lovely coat and she was made up with it. Found it scrunched in amongst her duvet/bed and went mad at her then today found it on the floor but that was ok apparently because 'she'd spread it out nicely' ?!??!???!!! I went nuts and I've told her the next time I walk in there and see it she'll have her tech taken away for a week - meaning, the only place that coat should ever be is hung up in her wardrobe. Honestly, it's doing my head in.

I'm glad your approach and doggedness has worked. I've just decided mine can do their laundry this week and the rest of the summer, themselves. I've just washed my stuff having waited all of Sat for DD to bring her laundry down - she hasn't, so it's not getting washed.

Isn't it interesting, it's much like dealing with toddlers isn't it. Big up the good behaviour, ignore the silliness, be firm, clear boundaries, lots of love.

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 24/06/2018 11:47

Oh I feel your pain!!!!!
DD (13) will generally do the bare minimum that I ask but that comes with the threat of her losing her tech after the hundredth reminder.
DS (18) is an absolute nightmare. Lazy beyond belief, dirty, smelly, disorganised etc. It got to the point where I could barely even open his bedroom door - let alone stand in his bedroom.
He was given the ultimatum on Friday - you either tidy up and change your bed etc or zero lifts until further notice.
I got called all manner of names but today I can actually enter his room and stand in there!!!!
It's bloody draining though I agree

wouldyoujudgeme · 24/06/2018 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoinItForTheKids · 24/06/2018 12:13

rainbow when my DS also 18 goes to Uni in Sept I'm literally going to have to fumigate his room. Or napalm it, one of the two. How can they bear to be smelly??

OP posts:
captainoftheshipwreck · 24/06/2018 13:46

New levels of laziness/entitlement this morning, had to walk away and go for a long walk. . . Glad I'm not alone!

rainbowstardrops · 24/06/2018 16:05

Doin I honestly don't know how they can tolerate the level of grossness that they do.
My DS goes to his girlfriend on a Sunday night and stays over.
He plays a sport on Saturday and works a few hours during the day on Sunday but I have to TELL him to shower before he gets given a lift to his girlfriend's house!
It's like having a stroppy toddler again

DoinItForTheKids · 24/06/2018 16:49

Yup. My DS mutters something about the lighting in the family bathroom as a reason for never showering. Fair enough, he does get migraines and finds bright lights can bring them on (his room is like a bat cave, total darkness at all times) but what does he expect me to do, rewire the entire bathroom lighting so it doesn't hurt his eyes?! He could take in a portable lantern type light which I'd happily buy him, turn off the bright lights and shower in a weak light but apparently he's not thought of any solutions like this yes - other than just not showering.

Whilst I hate it, it's one of those things that comes onto my list of 'too much effort required' (from me) and that may sound awful but I work bloody hard f/t and I don't need on top of chasing them to do chores etc, to also be chasing him to shower every day/every other day. I haven't got the energy for it.

Your son's girlfriend probably doesn't realise how grateful she should be to you that he's not smelly when he gets there and him that she's willing to countenance being even remotely physically close to him! You are enabling romance and love to blossom rainbow, you should be proud :-).

OP posts:
BigSandyBalls2015 · 25/06/2018 09:41

DD text me at work on fri to ask if I had changed the Netflix password. It was mid day, she had just got up.

I asked her to do some revision, Hoover the lounge and tidy the god awful 'tupperware' cupboard as things keep falling on my head when I open it, making me more ragey than I normally am!

Well she replied as if I'd asked her to completely spring clean the entire house! "Muum I need that password to watch love island" . I said send me a photo of tidy cupboard and hoovered floor and I'll give it to you. "OMG don't you even trust me .. blah blah'.

I get home and she's still loafing about and hadn't lifted a finger Angry

BigSandyBalls2015 · 25/06/2018 09:42

I only changed the password as it turned out she'd given out log in details to a mate in Spain Hmm

DoinItForTheKids · 25/06/2018 09:53

OMG BigSandy - the bloody tupperware (drawer in our case!). It gives me the RAGE that they can't put things back such that when I open the drawer half the lids/containers don't shoot out down the back and then I have to jackknife my body in order to reach in and get them out again. I mean, can they not figure out "this container's round and bigger than this other round container, I'll put the smaller round one in the larger round one"? No! Apparently not. Honestly, does your head in.

Did she miss Love Island then (heh heh...) Grin.

OP posts:
whattheactualbleep · 25/06/2018 10:58

All still calm on the western front.
Ds appeared home yesterday morning to shower and eat and game before heading to work.
Still jolly and chatty so fingers crossed all is ok so far.
Thank god as a reprieve from the atmosphere is very needed.
Figuring it's sank in now abit

Titsywoo · 25/06/2018 11:05

My DD (13) has finally become a "proper" teenager this year. Moody face all the sodding time, never leaves her room, eating a lot more than she used to and never doing any exercise, living in a shit tip.

She broke her phone last week and we refused to repair it until she did jobs to earn the money. She was a much nicer person without her phone - chatty, hung out with us more, slept better and didn't need to be dragged out of bed in the morning. The moment she got it back she reverted to type. We are seriously thinking about having periods of phone-free time throughout the week!

PhilODox · 25/06/2018 11:26

OMG! Wtf Bigsandy? Shock
I have been reading this thread, and only have pre-teens... who will be undergoing household boot camp in the next 12 months so we don't have any of this. I will seriously never moan about messy rooms again...
(We have no food upstairs whatsoever, all dirty laundry in basket every day, chores before screen time, etc, shower if you had games/pe/are sweaty. These rules have to stay!)

DraughtyWindow · 25/06/2018 14:00

DoinIt DD got thrown out of a WH class yesterday. She called the pony a bastard right in front of the judge. I disowned her and walked off with my head in my hands. BlushHmmShe’s been told that was the last show she’d be going to and she will not be re-joining PC in January. Angry

Ledkr · 25/06/2018 15:59

draughty is it really bad that I chuckled at that?
Dd still does ballet and transforms from a mouthy teen to a fairy in seconds but I wonder how she's managed all these years!

rainbowstardrops · 25/06/2018 16:37

Your son's girlfriend probably doesn't realise how grateful she should be to you that he's not smelly when he gets there and him that she's willing to countenance being even remotely physically close to him! You are enabling romance and love to blossom rainbow, you should be proud :-).

Thank you!!!! My DS says that if we had a better shower then he'd shower more often bullshit
We have a perfectly fine electric shower over the bath.

DoinItForTheKids · 25/06/2018 19:04

Oh draughty that must have been SOOO embarrassing. Was she puce with embarrassment - even just a little bit? Mortifying! Did PPo (poor pony) err badly that he was called a bastard (ponies can be little shits right at the worst moment)?! However, even if when the judge isn't looking the pony bucks across the ring, you STAY QUIET don't you.

rainbow - I cannot believe you are failing to provide the 20 multi jet with steam options and deep tissue massage luxury frameless wet room 6 ft rainfall shower that your son expects, tut tut Grin! Scarred for life, by a shower, who knew.

OP posts: