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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Those times when you've just utterly, utterly sick of teenagers and their apathy

220 replies

DoinItForTheKids · 04/06/2018 18:12

Mine are driving me NUTS.

We've got a chores list - it's literally like pulling teeth. Have just had to repeat the instruction for the third time in 2 days for DS to empty the kitchen bin. So, he finally empties it. He puts a clean bin bag in. All going good so far. He then leaves the full bag tied up in the kitchen. I then have to ask him to come downstairs, take the bag out through the piece of architecture known as the 'front door', and place it into the wheelie bin. Done, but with much huffing and throwing of the front door keys on the hallway floor afterwards. DS never washes, he stinks, his room reeks (frankly, can't wait until he goes to Uni in September but have no idea how I'll fumigate the room and return it to a normal aroma because Febreeze ain't gonna cut it, how effective would napalm be...?).

DD 'feeling sick' so 'can't come down for dinner' and will 'eat later' and 'oh do you mind if I have the living room from 9pm as |I want to watch Love Island' - not too sick for that then... I've told her I'm sick of her 'eating later' and how can anyone feel that sick that often that they can't manage a bit of tea?!? You then can't clear up the kitchen and she goes down later, makes a massive mess whilst heating it up and then I have to sort that out the following morning. SICK of going into DDs room and not being able to open the effing door fully to get in there!!!!! Floordrobe in full swing, crap everywhere, glasses of festering milk from three days ago, rubbish bin full to overflowing - and this is at the same time as she's requesting a substantial makeover of her room including a new bed, new wardrobes and new flooring - who in their right mind would install the white laminate floor she wants when she spills things, grinds in eyeshadow and mascara, lets candle wax pool on the floor, periods all over her sheets and duvet, and just generally leaves a trail of utter devastation in her wake?

The problem is whilst I'm doing what I'm supposed to which is making them do this stuff because they damn well should do it, I'm bloody exhausted from having to drive them forward to do it all the time. The first week I did keep turning the WiFi router off until they appeared and did the chores but that affects me negatively as well as I can't then come on MN!! Angry

It's the sheer levels of energy it's taking and I'm starting to feel highly, highly aggrieved at their bloody attitude.

Oh and today, DS (18) was in all day, it's a non college day. We have a Ring doorbell. Both him and his DS have been told to get the app that goes with it, she has, I don't know if he has. So I'm at work, doorbell rings. I can't do anything about it as I know he needs a signature. So I Hangouts DS. No answer. Doorbell rings again - that'll be the other parcel due today me thinks. I message him again please answer the door. He doesn't. Both parcels taken back. When he finally responds to my Hangouts message about 30 minutes later he says "Oh I only just turned my wifi back on" - BULLSHIT!!! What teen turns their WiFi off, ever?! I said to him tonight this is just normal stuff that families do for each other you know, to help each other out, you are expected to take part in these kinds of helpful acts.

I mean, can't you just be helpful already??

Any brainwaves on ways to achieve submission cos I'm literally at the point where I'm so tired but also so fed up, that I could end up throwing the Sky hub out in the trash until they actively comply without me even having to say anything (and then I'm really stuffed!).

OP posts:
Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 14/06/2018 10:18

Thats a favourite one from mine mum..
You had all last night to ask me/tell me...and you decide to do it 5 mins before you walk out the door? AARRGGHHH

whattheactualbleep · 14/06/2018 11:26

How apt that this post appeared on my mn this morning.
Having a real mare with my ds 20 his gf who seems to have spent every single night at ours for the last four weeks and ds 13 Hmm

I can honestly say everything posted here is the same in my house.
My mum even printed and laminated signs yesterday and left them all over my house for me as I'm sick to death of them all not only not doing a thing to help at home but also single hamdedly creating constant mess dishes washing on floors crumbs and shite everywhere.
Bread left unsealed. Ham left to dry out in fridge.
The list is endless.
At the end of my rope and me and dh have been sniping at each other the last cpl of days due to a both working mad hours at the moment and b having the constant atmosphere while the kids pootle around creating a shithole oblivious.
Feeling v disrespected and like my home that we've worked so hard to renovate and make a home is being treated like a fucking hotel at the moment.

I've tried being nice I've also tried the sarcastic but funny messages tot em all route.
Yesterday I did the lose my shit via message route and yet this morning the gf had left dishes in sink instead of dishwasher and ds followed suit but also left bread open and butter out. Oh and nobody seems to be able to wipe the sides down when they've finished.
Aaarrrrgggghhhjh
Someone help me before I totally lose the plot here Shock

lisaorris99 · 14/06/2018 11:31

Teenagers are a nightmare. I’m a secondary school teacher - and It’s reading posts like this that make me realise that saying ‘you wouldn’t do that at home would you?’ When they leave their food wrappers / left overs on the bench they were sat on, or just chuck wrappers on the floor where they were sat ... that it seems they would.

Glad I haven’t got teenagers at home yet and not sure when we do how I’ll cope at home and at school 😩

DraughtyWindow · 14/06/2018 14:05

To all of you - I’m glad I’m not on my own, however I think it’s appalling that none of these kids demonstrate any respect for a) the home they live in, b) their caregivers and c) themselves.
My DD is on her final warning. If I ever find shit (literally) in her room again because she’s on the phone to a mate and can’t be bothered to go to the toilet and deposit it in there, the phone contract will be cancelled without further notice to her. And by God I mean it. I’m at the end of my tether. Filthy, disgusting and entitled little mare. 😡

DoinItForTheKids · 14/06/2018 15:57

Sympathies Draughty. My DD leaves used sanitary towels inside her knickers then chucks them on the floor or in the laundry basket.

OP posts:
whattheactualbleep · 14/06/2018 16:05

Have to say I'm lucky not to have had the used towels yet from dd however ds leaves dishes of skanky food and most recently a cereal bowl with a few days old cereal and milk in it that had curdled in the heat Hmm

NorthernSpirit · 14/06/2018 16:25

Oh god.... I have this all to come and I just wanted to say I feel for you.

Have a 13 year old DSD (as well as a DSS). Boy is great, but OMG the girl can’t do anything for herself (or i’m woundering if it’s a case if can’t be arsed). I dread getting yo some of this stuff you are going through.

whattheactualbleep · 14/06/2018 17:01

My ds did more at 13 than his ds does but now he does nothing apart from empty the dishwasher in the mornings and then he just chucks the dishes in the cupboards. He doesn't even put them in properly Hmm

shadypines · 14/06/2018 17:20

mumontherun14 oh yes to that classic old chestnut. I remember DS doing cookery lessons and no doubt had plenty of warning re what ingredients to get but did that stop him asking me 2 mins before we were due out of the door? Sure I can magic up some tomatoes, celery, chicken, fresh herbs out of thin air, regular Dynamo me Confused

Glad to hear it whywonttheyletme Another classic today...just got in from my day's work, visited terminally ill MIL on the way home (by bus)...realise World Cup is due to start in few min so put TV on. Cue DS 19 comes flying down the stairs, sprawls on the settee and gives me the 'What's for tea mum?' line Shock

If I didn't laugh I'd cry.

whattheactualbleep · 14/06/2018 18:25

My ds did more at 13 than his ds does but now he does nothing apart from empty the dishwasher in the mornings and then he just chucks the dishes in the cupboards. He doesn't even put them in properly Hmm

I'm at work til 8.30 pm where I've been since 8.30 am whereby ds started his shift at 1.30 and will be finished at 9pm. Hel venture back at home half ten with friend in tow loud and oblivious to the fact me and dh are sat quietly trying to catch up on the day or trying to watch a whole episode of something without pausing the tv at least five times while they all dither and clatter around loudly totally oblivious of our quiet time.
I've said I'm going to start wondering into their rooms at random times of the night turn the lights on sit on their beds and start chatting about shit while they're gaming or watching something or trying to have a private conversation.
Il do it to both of them over the course of a few nights about 10 times like they all do to us and see if they get the message then Hmm

whattheactualbleep · 14/06/2018 18:25

My ds did more at 13 than his ds does but now he does nothing apart from empty the dishwasher in the mornings and then he just chucks the dishes in the cupboards. He doesn't even put them in properly Hmm

I'm at work til 8.30 pm where I've been since 8.30 am whereby ds started his shift at 1.30 and will be finished at 9pm. Hel venture back at home half ten with friend in tow loud and oblivious to the fact me and dh are sat quietly trying to catch up on the day or trying to watch a whole episode of something without pausing the tv at least five times while they all dither and clatter around loudly totally oblivious of our quiet time.
I've said I'm going to start wondering into their rooms at random times of the night turn the lights on sit on their beds and start chatting about shit while they're gaming or watching something or trying to have a private conversation.
Il do it to both of them over the course of a few nights about 10 times like they all do to us and see if they get the message then Hmm

DoinItForTheKids · 14/06/2018 18:56

I'm liking your planned disturbing behaviour retaliation whatthe!! Do it, do it, do it! And tell us how it goes down.

Problem is, it all takes bloody energy doesn't it!

OP posts:
Ledkr · 14/06/2018 21:02

Draughty are you seriously saying she shit in her room? Oh omy god you win hands down! Jesus

marjorie25 · 14/06/2018 21:12

Whose house it is you and theirs.
After I have told them three times about their room, I would have gotten a black bag and put everything that in on the floor and bed in the bag and out the door it goes.
Then both of them would have to get a job to replace what was thrown out.
WiFi - as someone said changed the password do not give in until they learn a lesson - you are not doing them any favours.
The son in university, will have to find a job because mummy bank is now closed.
Daughter you are to sick to come down and help, that means TV is off viewing and food upstairs whatsoever.
Start putting your food down, you are running yourself ragged whilst they are along for the ride.

AJPTaylor · 14/06/2018 21:14

Well, i put up with this with dds 1 and 2.
I thoroughly recommend selling the house as soon as the youngest finishes A levels. and moving to the arse end of nowhere with bedrooms big enough to come and stay but too small to live in. that has solved it for us for now.dd3 is 10 though.

DoinItForTheKids · 14/06/2018 21:36

Your suggestion sounds like bliss AJP.

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shadypines · 14/06/2018 22:04

moving to the arse end of nowhere love it, yes pleeeese!
I regularly say I can't wait when they've got their own houses and DH and I can come and wreck them with spilt juice, milk, crumbs, butter smears, dirty undies and other shite.

DS's post today Grin a letter from prospective Uni telling him not to overdo it with work and it contained a piece of bubble wrap ( I kid you not) so he could destress Confused

Fuck that, I need a whole bubble wrap factory.

DraughtyWindow · 14/06/2018 23:14

ledkr yes, all true. Unbelievable I know. You all must think I’m a scutty mother that lives in a tip. Blush
I assure you I’m not. I work from home so am lucky that I can use my lunch hour to keep up with chores. DD thinks I have OCD. I think I’m just normal in wanting (and maintaining) a clean and tidy place to live. I can’t wait until she leaves which is a really sad thing to say. I’ve done my best to provide a safe, loving and clean home for her, together with consistent boundaries and respect. I’ve obviously failed somewhere along the way. Sad (And that’s not a stealth boast).

user1457017537 · 15/06/2018 05:44

I’m truly speechless. Seriously shit in her room cos she was on the phone, I would have thrown her out. Why should you be expected to live with someone who’s standards are so low and unhygienic. You do all realise that things won’t get better don’t you, they won’t magically improve and you will carry on being abused. If a girlfriend is staying at mine she can keep my home clean and tidy it’s not a hovel and if she is used to that they can both go back there. Get a grip would you let a DP or DH get away with this. Kick them into touch. You will thank me.

mrsjackrussell · 15/06/2018 06:08

My Ds 16 wouldn't do anything at all at one point so it was hard for me but I just stopped giving him lifts everywhere to clubs etc that he enjoyed. He now does a lot more with no moaning but I do have to wait until he's finished whatever game on the PlayStation.
DD before uni was a nightmare but since being home is a changed person literally. Still doing all her own washing even though she's home. Does things without me even asking.

Things will change I think when your son goes to uni and has to cope on his own.

snewname · 15/06/2018 06:42

Blimy I thought I had it bad with shoes everywhere, coats that are never hung up and mess left out in the kitchen, but I couldn't cope with some of these disgusting sanitary towel and filth stories.

I keep getting accused of nagging, but "I wouldn't have to nag if you did it the first, or even second or third time, I asked politely and reasonably."

Metoodear · 15/06/2018 07:13

They have to learn and nows a good time I don’t cook for mine anymore it’s not let me know if he’s eating with us by lunch time then it goes in the oven and sits their if changes his mind I won’t even wrap it

Mine has only just got internet he was having to pay for a dongle his attitude was so bad we had ask him to put £50 a
Month a way in saving in exchange for the WiFi’s code he refused so went and got internet from bT open for £53 per month Confused

Metoodear · 15/06/2018 07:17

I feel like this hopping ds 18 gets an job he interviewed for
And dh has said if he gets bad to save 5k and year from his 13k wage because it will mean by the time he finishes the traineeship he can get the feck out

I have a lodger I didn’t ask for and don’t want it’s awful

Ledkr · 15/06/2018 09:00

I love on these threads you always get a few who know it all and who would "kick them out" or "wouldn't put up with it etc.
I'd bet my life these posters do not have teens themselves.

Has anyone seen what happens to youngsters who are kicked out at a young age?

Most of the kids on this thread are working hard at school and who will one day be functioning members of society.

Most of the parents on this thread know that it's not right and are trying to manage it, even by posting on a support thread like this.
Important to also remember that we still love and are attached to our teenagers just like when they we babies. You wouldn't chuck out a baby for being annoying!

I am on my 4th teenager and the other 3 are now gorgeous young men who are clean and well able to keep a house in order.

Had I kicked them out at 16 I'm pretty sure it would be a different story. Homelessness is a recipe for a life of destitution.
imagine if we all kicked out our teens when they were messy and rude, the cost to society would be immense.

It's really hard and we are all trying so maybe reserve your self righteousness for when your much loved child is behaving like a twat.

DoinItForTheKids · 15/06/2018 09:26

Well said @Ledkr, well said.

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