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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS spent all his loan at Freshers

166 replies

Howlongtilldinner · 25/10/2016 10:46

As the title says..he has £30 (personally I think it's less) to last him till his next instalment in Jan. He assures me he's paid his accommodation, I've bought (and will continue buying) his food.

He has the max loan amount because I'm a LP on a low wage, spent around a £1000 on a PS4 and going out.

He obviously can't manage on what's left (he's applying for jobs) but I'm loathe to just give him cash to buy alcohol and have fun, when he's not budgeted at all!

Can anyone please give me some sound adviceConfused

OP posts:
Ineverpromisedyouarosegarden · 25/10/2016 10:47

I would suggest he sells the PS4

Costacoffeeplease · 25/10/2016 10:48

Yep, sell the PS4

Heirhelp · 25/10/2016 10:49

I am so shocked. This is ridiculous behaviour from him.

When you say you buy him food, how do you do it?

whogrewoutoftheterribletwos · 25/10/2016 10:49

'Be cruel to be kind' I think is the best thing here. He has food, has something to do in his spare time (the ps4) and has his accommodation paid for. It's a hard lesson, but if he wants more he'll have to get a job. He's an adult now and has to learn to deal with the consequences. I doubt he'll make the same mistake again.

TwoLeftSocks · 25/10/2016 10:49

Buy him baked beans and basics bread only. He has to learn how to budget and won't be able to if you sub him for nice things.

Gileswithachainsaw · 25/10/2016 10:49

Sell the ps4

Heirhelp · 25/10/2016 10:49

How much has he spent? I would certainty be buying him absolutely nothing for Christmas.

PollyCazaletWannabe · 25/10/2016 10:49

I suggest you lend him money but make him pay it back with a proper payment plan. What a daft thing for him to do :(

MigGril · 25/10/2016 10:50

Yes just don't give him any money, as long as he's paid his rent and has food he'll be fine and have to be an ingenious student like the rest of us did at university. If you bail him out he'll never learn.

milkjetmum · 25/10/2016 10:50

Tell him to sell the ps4! He probably has a student overdraft he can use (assuming he hasn't already dipped onto that). If rent and food are covered not be inclined telto offer anything more, he can get a job and consider it lesson learned.

Wishforsnow · 25/10/2016 10:50

Oh dear poor kid. Bet he had a great time at freshers week though. I guess the PS4 will have to go. Can you give him some money to tide him over until Xmas?

mouldycheesefan · 25/10/2016 10:50

Sell the PS4
Get a job
Don't lend him any money

NuggetofPurestGreen · 25/10/2016 10:50

Does he need money for bills transport etc? What a gobshite.

NameChanger5000 · 25/10/2016 10:51

The PS4 has to go. I'd sit him down and explain your financial circumstances, and set out his responsibilities very clearly. To the extent that you need to support him, it's very much in beans on toast territory.

Bubblebloodypop · 25/10/2016 10:51

Sell the PS4, is there a way you can buy his food without actually giving him the money? So he doesn't live on 11p noodles and spend the rest on drink.

ImperialBlether · 25/10/2016 10:52

Sell the PS4. Someone will have to work harder to raise more cash - it's either going to be you or him. Who do you think it should be?

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 25/10/2016 10:53

Yup he returns the PS4 or sells it. Don't give him cash for food. Do click and collect shop for free of cheap essentials. He's not going to starve - are there any other expenses he'll need to pay for? You said he's paid his accommodation so he won't be homeless.

He needs to get a job asap like everyone else who needs to live.

I know you're probably disappointed but what he's done is not unheard of and leaving him to deal with the fallout is character building.

WaxingNinja · 25/10/2016 10:54

This is your chance to sort out his attitude to finances.

If you bail him out now you'll be bailing him out for ever.

Personally I wouldn't give him a single penny.

I'd be physically buying his food myself or doing an online shop and having him collect it/get it delivered.

He's got accommodation, he's got food and quite frankly he needs to get a job and sell some stuff if he wants anything more than that. Stupid boy.

SpaceDinosaur · 25/10/2016 10:54

Sorry but this made me laugh!!! I know someone who did this at uni. (Not a PS4 but something equally as bloody stupid)

He worked out he could afford value porridge oats and milk and that's what the idiot lived on for 3 meals a day GrinGrinGrin

Parents wouldn't bail him out whilst he had his ridiculous expensive item so he had to sell it, learn a VERY hard lesson as he was shocked he couldn't sell it for what he bought it for.

He needs to learn OP.

RubyGoat · 25/10/2016 10:54

Don't let him starve. Beyond that, he made his bed, he lays in it. I bet he'll never do it again. I know people who live their lives like this as their friends & family continually bail them out. You will do him no favours in the long run, by rescuing him from the consequences of his actions here.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 25/10/2016 10:58

I interview a lot of students. There's always at least one every week or so who uses the tale of how they blew their loan in the first week and had to grow up as an example of personal development.

MigGril · 25/10/2016 11:02

Movingonup great idea about click and collect food order. We used to get supermarket vouchers but at least with click and collect he can't spent it on alcohol.

To be honest if he's in university accommodation. Then he's still in a fairly safe place to learn this lesson. So now is a good time, bailing him out won't help or giving him a loan. He can even seek help from university services if he's really desperate. They can advise him, it's a great learning experience for him while still in a relatively safe place.

Blu · 25/10/2016 11:03

Does he realise how badly he has managed this?

I would not be incurring debt or going without yourself to bail him out - he knows you are a LP on low wage.

I would sit down and budget the weeks until the next payment with him. And let him work out whether or not he needs to sell the PS4.

Either way getting a job would be a good thing - he will be a darn sight more responsible with his money if he has to work for it, presumably, and he will then have less need of a pS4, in between job and studying.

Were you paying for his food before this debacle? Can food purchase be done as a Tesco delivery to him?

I would be uncompromisingly matter of fact - no point going on at him about what an idiot he has been - let the facts speak for themselves and he can take some form of responsibility for them. But he might need help with HOW to budget. Did he give any thought to financial planning before he rushed out and spent £1k on a PS4? Or think how much he could afford for Freshers?

Blu · 25/10/2016 11:05

Can the Click and Collect be done as a budgeted shop by him and authorised by you? So that he learns that weekly shopping has to be budgeted, and what it costs?

1wokeuplikethis · 25/10/2016 11:10

Have to say, I was a little cow when i went to uni and spent my entire loan for the first term in the first couple of weeks on clothes and going out. It was exhilarating having so much money all at once as I had never seen so much in my account.

I say I was a cow because i was very greedy and entitled and thought that I could get away with doing it once and make out it was a lesson to learn and believed my parents would fund me for the rest of my partying for that term. They were not impressed to say the least. Had a very strong word with me, told me how disappointed they were and that they didn't simply have another £1000 to give to me. I think they gave me about £200 and told me to make it last. It was a sharp shock and taught me a valuable lesson. I hated not being able to go out with my friends.

Think this is the approach you need. Definitely tell him to sell his ps4. If you can afford to, get him one for Christmas as a reward for selling his and being more responsible (hopefully).

18/19 year old uni brats are the worst! I was the biggest brat going.