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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DS spent all his loan at Freshers

166 replies

Howlongtilldinner · 25/10/2016 10:46

As the title says..he has £30 (personally I think it's less) to last him till his next instalment in Jan. He assures me he's paid his accommodation, I've bought (and will continue buying) his food.

He has the max loan amount because I'm a LP on a low wage, spent around a £1000 on a PS4 and going out.

He obviously can't manage on what's left (he's applying for jobs) but I'm loathe to just give him cash to buy alcohol and have fun, when he's not budgeted at all!

Can anyone please give me some sound adviceConfused

OP posts:
19Hannah · 26/10/2016 09:48

And? So will a lot of his friends, maybe help him with food until he gets a job, and get him to pay you back with his jan instalment. Student loan will not have stretched far after accommodation costs! PS4 okay maybe a bit too much but he's got something to do now in his accommodation, maybe he won't spend all his Jan loan on going out he can play on his PS4.. As others have suggested- yeah I'd likely buy him only beans and bread to make him budget better next time, but most people I know have spent up their loan within a week or two!

EllenDegenerate · 26/10/2016 10:02

I did exactly the same as your son whilst at uni in Birmingham in 2003/4.
Parents sent me one hundred pounds and told me to get a job.

So I did, as a lapdancer Grin

Kr1stina · 26/10/2016 10:12

I am bemused by this idea that a teenager in halls with loads of other teenagers, with a laptop and wifi, and studying on a full time course needs " something to do ". All universities are awash with clubs and societies that are free / very low cost- there's something to do 7 nights a week.

That's on top of their part time job, meals to cook, washing to do . Oh and what was that other thing .... yes I remember ....coursework and revision .

Also that their " self esteem with suffer " if they see that some other kids have more money than them . Well, if they have reached the age of 18 and haven't worked out that there will always be someone who is richer / cleverer / better looking than them, they might as well learn now. Or they are going to have a very unhappy life .

I know lots of adults who work full time and don't spend the £50 a week "socialising " that I've seen quoted elsewhere on MN as " essential " . Yes, if the Op son is broke through his own stupidity , he won't be able to go out to get pissed in the union / clubbing every night. But maybe that will force him to find better ways of spending his time TBH.

MackerelOfFact · 26/10/2016 10:15

When I was a student about 15 years ago, there was a certain amount of kudos in managing to spend your loan in the first couple of weeks, with bonus respect if it was mostly on alcohol. Those who were living on own brand potato waffles for weeks on end were lauded as heroes. Pretty stupid, really.

My advice would be to buy him only very basic food. Pasta, bread, eggs, beans, things like that, just so he doesn't go hungry. There's no reason why he should be enjoying delicious meals when he's wasted so much money.

StartledByHisFurryShorts · 26/10/2016 10:35

I agree that he shouldn't sell the ps4. That's his entertainment and social life sorted. Plus he'll only get a fraction of what he paid for it. Which isn't good financial sense. But obviously it's his decision.

I'm surprised you were buying his food. That's what maintenance loans are supposed to pay for.

He'll get a job soon enough. And it won't affect his studies as much as drinking will. He'll have a very sober rest of term so his studies should benefit!

19Hannah · 26/10/2016 10:35

Kr1stina, he's a teenager FFS, being irresponsible, stupid with money and partying is surely a part of that, before having to be boring, adult and responsible?

FinallyHere · 26/10/2016 10:48

Glad to hear he sees the loan etc as 'his' money , to do what he likes with.

Fair enough, leave him to it. I'm speaking as someone who did something similar, though in the academic year after my 'year out'. I earned good money in that year, got used to a higher standard of living, then over the summer ran up an overdraft. My grant paid it off with just enough left to pay my accommodation, including not very exciting meals. I survived. It never occurred to me to tell my parents. It was a great lesson, early enough to be useful.

Every time a parent bails out a child, or even tries to 'help' them budget, you are telling them that there is a safety net. Much better to hold your nerve and let them learn by doing. Its what this phase of their life is about.

Flingmoo · 26/10/2016 10:57

I agree Finally. I took out a second overdraft to get me through financial difficulties and I paid it off after graduating. It's important for young people to learn these things and if they struggle, that's fine, one day they will probably have more money and appreciate what they have more.

HermioneWeasley · 26/10/2016 11:00

I don't see the problem. He's got accommodation and you're very generously buying food. He'll be fine

And getting a job is good for him, not a problem at all.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/10/2016 12:15

Two of my dses are currently at university, and the eldest has graduated, so we have done the whole 'first time away from home with money burning a hole in the pocket' thing three times, and only ds1 managed without going over budget.

Ds3 miscalculated last year - he thought he had one more SARS payment (the Scottish body that awards student loans), than he actually had coming - which threw his finances completely out, at the end of his first year, so he was pretty broke over this summer. We had given him a bit of cash at the end of term, so he could feed himself, but that was it - we didn't give him money for entertainment over the summer.

Instead he got work with friends of mine, labouring for them - and had to work damned hard for his money - and that was a good lesson for him. He won't make the same mistake next year.

Ds2 went overdrawn during his first year - and left a mini bank statement detailing the overdraft on the kitchen table, which is how we found out. We were able to give him one of his parental contributions a bit early, which sorted him out - but dh sat him down and gave him a stern lesson on budgeting.

Dh did give them all the budgeting talk, before they each started at university, and we did our best to give them the tools they needed to be able to budget their money properly - but two of them made mistakes - and frankly I wasn't entirely surprised at that - it isn't easy, being away from home for the first time, with more money than you have ever had before, and far more freedom too - as well as a thriving social life, and lots of people the same age as you to share that social life with.

When I was a student nurse, back in the '80s, I wasn't on a grant - I was paid - but I still cocked up my budget from time to time - we all did, to a certain extent. In fact, we used to get paid on the last Wednesday of the month, and we all knew that, if we wrote cheques the preceding weekend, they wouldn't be cashed until we'd been paid, so we wouldn't go overdrawn. That weekend was commonly known as Cheque Bouncing Weekend!

The OP's son has cocked up - but it sounds as if she has a plan to help him get through until his next payment comes through. Hopefully he will have learned his lesson, and will not make this mistake again.

I would advise the OP to sit down with her son and go over his budget again - look at income and any fixed costs, and work out how he divides up the rest of his money to cover essentials (food, books, transport etc) and luxuries (entertainment, parties etc). I always used to struggle with budgeting until I learned to divide up the money that was left after the fixed bills went out so there were separate, smaller budgets for all the other things, and I could see easily if I was overspending on food, or books or whatever - maybe that would help the OP's son.

Kr1stina · 26/10/2016 12:31

Kr1stina, he's a teenager FFS, being irresponsible, stupid with money and partying is surely a part of that, before having to be boring, adult and responsible?

If you read the first post you will see that he's already been irresponsible , stupid and partied. That was his choice. No one is saying it's abnormal , lots of kids do this. It doesn't make it a smart choice , just a common one .

One of the things about being an adult with choices ( as he insists he is ) is that you realise that choices have consequences and often you have to live with them . The only consequence he has to deal with is to not be able to go partying for the next 2months. It's not a death sentence, he's not got cancer, he's not being thrown in jail, he's not under house arrest . He can still have a good time, just on a tight budget.

Stop trying to guilt trip his mother into rescuing him from the consequences of his own choices .

And your statement tthat all adults are "boring " is just a teeny tiny bit judgemental . If it wasn't for his boring mother , working to raise him alone, he wouldn't be here .

This lad is very fortunate to have been lent this money by the tax payer for his education. Lots of teens don't ever get the chance to do post school education. Some are out there earning at his age, caring for a family member or even their own kids. Lost of kids didn't get the grades to go to uni because they go to crap schools, or have no family support , live chaotic lives or have learning difficulties .

The universe doesn't owe him anything just because he's under 20.

girlinacoma · 26/10/2016 13:03

I agree with Kr1stina

Everyone makes mistakes. Even boring sensible adults.

It's how you face and deal with the consequences of that mistake that is important and will determine whether you grow up to be a balanced well-adjusted adult or a delinquent arse with an entitlement issue.

expatinscotland · 26/10/2016 13:11

Applauds Kr1stina. Well put.

Coconutty · 26/10/2016 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Liiinoo · 26/10/2016 20:10

I think OP is being very reasonable. He has been young and dumb and hopefully going short for the next few weeks will make sure this doesn't happen again.

Dizzybintess · 26/10/2016 20:20

Make sure he stays away from store cards I was stupid enough to rack up a few in uni once I realised that the marks store card meant I could buy vodka on it!
I'm still paying it off age 38!!!

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