DS spent all his loan at Freshers

[Howlongtilldinner]

As the title says..he has £30 (personally I think it's less) to last him till his next instalment in Jan. He assures me he's paid his accommodation, I've bought (and will continue buying) his food.

He has the max loan amount because I'm a LP on a low wage, spent around a £1000 on a PS4 and going out.

He obviously can't manage on what's left (he's applying for jobs) but I'm loathe to just give him cash to buy alcohol and have fun, when he's not budgeted at all!

Can anyone please give me some sound advice

If he's in 1950 he should get a stonking price for the PS4, and then it won't matter when (hopefully) the 1950s female undergrads tell him to do one

Fred - - if this lad is studying so hard he doesn't have any time work work, he won't need that PS will he ?

I know Frazzled. I was . I went for a quite rare night out with work and everywhere was rammed with extremely overdressed well dressed young people, that were almost certainly new students.

I still have a bit of an old style studenty mindset myself (we used to go to a pub that sold a bottle of wine for £5) and I now spend a lot of time chuntering 'how bloody much' when buying drinks etc in the city centre.

Then someone posted a comment on FB about not being able to get near Dominos for all the students. I don't buy from Dominos because it's shite and insanely overpriced even with a voucher - in my city we have dozens on independent pizza places that do a perfectly nice large pizza for £5/6.

OP, seriously the most sound advice is to check whether your son, from a low income family, has actually received or is going to receive all the money he is entitled to.

It is very easy to miss out on bursary payments if you did not check the information sharing box on the student loans form.

DS is in a similar position that he has about £100 left, but his bursary will be paid via student loans in 5 weeks.

Some of this advice, like a student from a low income family will be able to buy stuff from Christmas money, is delusional.

I don't believe any student 'doesn't have time to work' (except maybe nursing students etc who have to do placements?).

I went to university part time, which meant I had 10-12 contact hours a week in one very long day (5 year degree instead of 3) and worked 30 hours a week for my employer at the same time.

Science degree, and I'm not particulary bright, and I didn't work particularly hard, still had time for a social life and run my own house. I got a first.

Even students with the maximum contact time of what, 20-25 hours a week have plenty of time do work maybe 12-16 hours a week too. So 2 or 3 shifts a week.

don't believe any student 'doesn't have time to work' (except maybe nursing students etc who have to do placements?).

Or other courses with placements.
Or courses with long lab hours.
Or Oxbridge.
Or students with Dyslexia or other SEN.

I think the issue here is also why did he let himself get to the stage where he only had £30 left? Wouldn't you look at your dwindling funds and think 'shit, I've only got £200 left'? Why let it get to less than £100? If he's been so daft as to carry on spending regardless then he definitely needs to learn a hard lesson, otherwise he stands to get into a lot of bother with credit and store card debt in the future.

He's clearly been as daft as a brush.

He'll either learn fast and swim, or he'll sink. His Mum can't fix it for him.

OP hasn't been back anyway.

DH did this during his second year at uni - spent his loan on going out and more going out. Unfortunately for him, he hadn't paid his accommodation up front either. I think reality really kicked in when he went to the bank to ask for an overdraft extension and they cut up his Switch card in front of him!

His housemates were none too impressed with him not having paid his rent, so I subbed him, while he went out, applied for a supplementary hardship loan of about £500 (your DS can check with the student support office - they should be able to help). When he got the loan, DH paid me back, and in the meantime had managed to get a call centre job that he did 2 evenings a week and all day Saturday, which helped him earn enough to pay his bills and food for the rest of the term. He ended up failing his 2nd year because of all the stress of it though (and from having to work and not concentrate on his studies). He then moved home and resat.

It all taught him a biiiiigg lesson (especially having to move home and see what his life would be like if he didn't pull his finger out and start doing some bloody studying!) and ever since then he has been very reliable with money.

Barbara - one of my neighbours is a student nurse on placement. She cannot work outside of her degree because there aren't enough hours for her to do so.

There are also degrees where the University prefers that you don't work if possible. I did Law and was told by my DoS that they wouldn't allow a PT job of more than 12 hours per week as otherwise you wouldn't have enough time to study properly. I squeezed in 20 but it was a struggle - and that was back in the days when you didn't have to flog a kidney to go to Uni.

Dsis was a bit like that at uni. Dm used to give her a small amount of cash on mondays - for food - it meant if she ever overspent she only had a few days to go. A friend buys their dc's food shopping online. Dc does an order then dm checks it & pays. She puts back any booze etc & keeps a close eye on what's ordered. It's not foolproof but it means dc doesn't starve x

'Hopefully he lives with nice girls who will help to feed him (my DD and her friends fed the 2 in her house regularly)'

He's a man, not a dog. I'd feel a failure if my DD grew up to believe it was her role in life to cater to an irresponsible man, how is that something to be proud of?

I would let him learn from his stupidity.

He will find a job or not go out.

I'd pay his train fair home for Christmas but you can't just bail him out, it's a life lesson.

Hopefully he lives with nice girls who will help to feed him

For the love of God.

I sometimes wonder how all the useless men I read about on here got to be that way.

This goes some way to explaining it.

FFS I mentioned nurses. Sorry I forgot to mention parents, but the OP hasn't mentioned any household responsibilities or SNs for her DS, so there is no reason why most students shouldn't work.

Paul, even your law degree allowing 12 hours work was within what I said about most students being able to work part time.

Are you sure he's paid his accommodation, even in halls it isn't cheap. As others have said, tell him to sell the PS4. Hard as it is, do not bail him out.

No first hand experience as my dc are younger, but if my nieces and nephews and their friends are anything to go by, students these days seem to expect a much more affluent lifestyle than we did? My dn's friends all look and act as though they were employed in fairly well paid jobs, I do struggle to see how they manage it. Again, just my experience so this may be the exception rather than the rule

Hopefully he lives with nice girls who will help to feed him

The sad thing is, he probably will, whether we like it or not.

If you help him when he's in trouble, he will remember you next time he's in trouble!

Insist he sells the PS4, buy him only the absolute bear essentials, and give him a very stern warning that if he repeats this, there will be no help forthcoming.

That's insane!! Sell his PS4, for sure. He is old enough to know/learn how to manage his finances better than that. Let him live on plain pasta for a few weeks and he will see how boring it gets.

Btw, I just finished my studies and there was plenty of people living on plain pasta, or pasta with cheese on. Some didn't even know how to do the dishes!

I cba to scroll back to see who made the comment about girls feeding them but WTF!!!!!

pathetic all round.

In the end it's money and time management.

PS4 needs to go.
He must get a job.
Keep track of what he borrows.

Students have time for jobs and this helps their professional and personal development, looks good on CVs (due to time management kudos).

Hopefully he'll have bought whatever materials he needs to study (recommended reading lists). If not, then refer to borrowing/lending rules.

Hopefully he'll learn his lesson.

Students have been doing this since time immemorial. My aunt had to be bailed out by my grandparents because she had run up a huge book bill at Blackwells book shop, in Oxford (this was back in the days when students could get an account there).

They bailed her out, but I imagine she got an almighty telling-off - she certainly never did it again!

The lad needs to sell the PS4, and get a job, ASAP. If, and only if, she can afford it, then the OP could order some basic groceries for him online - so he can't spend the money on booze - enough to keep the wolf from the door. But if he wants to have any money for fun - he needs to earn it.

It isn't the end of the world - and I can understand how it happened - being away from home, surrounded by parties, partying, and new friends, it is easy to get carried away - and budgeting is a skill that everyone has to learn - he is going to learn it the hard way.

As his mum, the OP needs to let him suffer enough that he will learn his lesson, and won't do this again, but not so much that it affects his studies or his health.

Sounds like he needs more help with budgeting.

I was good with money but my mum paid my accommodation in advance (which included bills) so all I had to manage was my money for everything else. I think you probably need to buy basic food (most students really don't live on what you might call normal food so it is all beans, supernoodles, pasta) and help him work out a realistic budget for all the other things (toiletries, course books, travel, washing, going out etc).

I am all for tough love but at the same time if he can blow his loan in a week he might have a propensity to "fast fixes" and get himself in more financial trouble (credit cards, etc). I think you should try to give him more tough guidance rather than just tough words.