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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS spent all his loan at Freshers

166 replies

Howlongtilldinner · 25/10/2016 10:46

As the title says..he has £30 (personally I think it's less) to last him till his next instalment in Jan. He assures me he's paid his accommodation, I've bought (and will continue buying) his food.

He has the max loan amount because I'm a LP on a low wage, spent around a £1000 on a PS4 and going out.

He obviously can't manage on what's left (he's applying for jobs) but I'm loathe to just give him cash to buy alcohol and have fun, when he's not budgeted at all!

Can anyone please give me some sound adviceConfused

OP posts:
Lollipopgirls · 25/10/2016 13:31

(I mean that my mum arranged the payment of accommodation so it was done rather than just leaving it up to me as I doubt very much I would have always done it... I would check your DS has!)

LadyAEIOU · 25/10/2016 13:33

My brother did this. Drank his money and O/D away and borrowed money off relatives to cover costs saying he would pay back when on the top up course. He didn't tell us he failed the foundation and therefore had been rejected from the top up. I had lent him £980 which I worked hard for in uni to save. That was all I had, I couldn't afford to top up food such as milk and he was buying takeaways. My parents paid me back and said they would chase the money up from him. That trust is still broken.

Get something in writing that your son is to pay back the money you spent on food bu a certain date and certain amount of money when he gets paid eg £200 when Jan installment comes in then £250 when May comes in.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/10/2016 13:36

When I was at university, there was a joke that did the rounds:

Q - What is green and takes a week to drink?

A - A grant cheque!

Dh and I did work out you could do it much quicker, though - if you bought a train ticket to London (I was at Keele), and bought some very expensive wine and cheese, then had a really nice picnic on the train going home - grant cheque all gone in one day!

I hasten to add that this was purely theoretical - I was very careful with my money.

sohackedoff · 25/10/2016 13:37

Well I certainly wouldn't leave my DS with £30 to last him til January, even if he has been daft. He's a teenager, what were you expecting?

Nor would I expect him to sell his PS4 for the pittance he would get. So you'd have him spend the rest of term on his own in his flat with no entertainment?

Obviously people on money have never fucked up financially. Sanctimonious lot.

Yes I'd be talking to him. Yes I'd be encouraging him to get a job (ideally somewhere where he might get a meal when he's on call). I'd be showing him how to budget and I'd be bunging him £20 a week til he'd got a job.

But then I've fucked up myself, been bailed out and can still remember what it's like to be young.

WhyRude · 25/10/2016 13:40

My DC's tell me tales of students that have done this. Some from wealthy backgrounds and some from skint backgrounds. I don't think it's about not knowing how to budget. It's not exactly complicated and if you have managed to get to Uni then you should be able to cope with budgeting if you actually want to. I think it's more to do with not giving a shit and being immature and selfish.

It depends on the child but at least two of my DC would struggle to work during term time, they are doing STEM subjects at RG Unis. The reason that that would struggle to work is because they work extremely hard doing their course work and revision. The work load varies so there can be weeks where they are working flat out especially coming up to exams. Fortuanately the summer holidays are extremely long and they get jobs and build up there funds then.

DD2 BF gets no financial help from his parents at all even though they are meant to contribute and he still manages to earn enough over the summer to last the academic year. He does 48 hour weeks plus extra garden work and ad hoc work. He lives frugally during term time but he still manages and prefers to do it that way than working during term time and it effecting his studies.

clerquin · 25/10/2016 13:41

I ran out of money before the end of my first year at uni (back in the day) due to too much partying & drinking! I didn't even buy any expensive gadgets to show for it - just went out too much! I already did waitressing/bar work in the holidays but I still managed to overspend.

As a relatively sensible 18yr old, I was mortified at having to confess to my parents. My Dad quite rightly gave me a massive bollocking before bailing me out enough to survive to the end of the year.

Lesson learnt, I never did it again - I am, if I do say so myself, extremely good with personal finances.Smile

Most people will only need the lesson once.

expatinscotland · 25/10/2016 13:42

'I'd be showing him how to budget and I'd be bunging him £20 a week til he'd got a job.'

That's nice that you can afford that. Not all people can.

specialsubject · 25/10/2016 13:53

He wont have no entertainment just because he has to sell the game console. He can read, watch tv, talk to his friends, do some sport - dull stuff like that..

He could even do his coursework.

Or he can even get a job.

ImperialBlether · 25/10/2016 13:54

I'd be worried about him getting payday loans if he's as daft as that, OP. You'll need to drum it into him that he mustn't go down that route. So many are using them now.

Kr1stina · 25/10/2016 14:00

I love the suggestion that the OP would be mean to make him sell his PS because then he would have no entertainment. There are some very entitled people on this thread .

Original poster
Howlongtilldinner · 25/10/2016 15:30

Wow so many replies! Thank you all so much.

He did say he would sell the PS4, I was reluctant due to what he would get for it, nothing to do with his entertainment I hasten to add! I also agree with practically all of you that he has been incredibly stupid (I know he's a teen) and I'm not about to indulge him with any more cash.

I bought his food when he went, and topped up a week ago. I told him I would not give him any 'hard' cash. I will do online shopping. My mindset is, he has a roof over his head/clothes on his back and food in his cupboard, however £30 till
Jan is not realistic. I will pay for his fare to interviews and home but not drinking/partying.

I dont think I should 'look after' his next instalment either, he really will never learn will he? Part of the uni experience is to 'manage'.

Thank you once again for all your responses, I was doubting myself thinking I'm being too hard on himHmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Howlongtilldinner · 25/10/2016 15:31

And to those who suggested payday loans etc..I'm very afraid of that route because...he IS stupid!

OP posts:
schbittery · 25/10/2016 16:40

I don't think you're being too hard, you're being very reasonable and restrained. I'd probably do exactly the same if -when- my children do similar. I'd also let him keep the PS4 purely because he'd lose so much on resale, it would annoy me, but I'd only be giving him a small Christmas present! Can you make him budget for food as well next term? weve all been here and got through it, why pot noodles were invented?

JoffreyBaratheon · 25/10/2016 16:49

Yes, must admit I think it would make sense to keep the PS4 or he may be tempted to blow a future term's loan on another one... Also, as I say, my feckless son who'd buy expensive stuff then have to sell it by mid-term... then had to watch his better off friends with what had been his stuff - not great for your self esteem, either. Plus, every time he uses the PS4 he may get a twinge of guilt....

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/10/2016 17:09

How's this for a compromise on the PS4 - he gets to keep it, but he doesn't get to use it any more - not until he has earned enough to pay for it. Until then, it lives in the OP's house.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/10/2016 17:10

By 'pay for it', I mean he needs to earn enough money to cover the money he blew from his loan to buy it.

cheesymac · 25/10/2016 17:22

Think what you said sounds sensible OP.

LadyAEIOU · 25/10/2016 20:10

He could even do his coursework.

Grin

Agree resale value of PS4 not worth selling and just buy a little less at xmas.

Original poster
Howlongtilldinner · 25/10/2016 23:53

I have told him not to sell the PS4, but whether he will take my advice is debatable, he sees his loan as HIS money to do what he likes with. I fear that it will go as soon as there is an 'event' on the horizon, which he doesn't want to miss out on!

As a PP said up thread, it's more about his immaturity and selfishness. This 'entitlement' he feels he has. I am hugely disappointed (bloody fuming) but not in the least surprised. He has a lot of growing up to do.

Thank you all for reassuring me that I'm not this evil witch trying to 'cramp his style'

OP posts:
Original poster
Howlongtilldinner · 25/10/2016 23:56

Apologies for not answering personally, there are just so many messages Thanks

OP posts:
LadyAEIOU · 26/10/2016 08:25

OP my brother kept going because my parents always bailed him out. They weren't working because I have two disabled siblings and I told my brother he is taking money away from our siblings (we are the two oldest and only ones who had moved out).

Get a contract for any money spent/ given with how much he pays a month and when it ends.

Kr1stina · 26/10/2016 08:36

You are NOT an evil witch, you sounds very sensible and balanced to me .

And if you are a LP on a low wage then he's had plenty examples of how to manage money well at home ( despite the poster above who suggested it was your fault because you had not taught him to budget ) .

I would be very angry and disappinted too , I'd be fighting the urge to slap him round the head a bit and knock some sense into him ( I mean metaphorically before anyone gets upset ) .

But I fear you are right and he will not learn from what you tell him, only from his own mistakes . So maybe it will be good when he sells the £500 PS for £200, even he can do the maths . This is the best time for him to learn , as he has a safe roof over his head .

And is his money is his to spend as he likes, then so is yours. He can't expect you to bail him out .

muminmanchester · 26/10/2016 08:48

Sell the PS4 & get a job. I had so much fun working in bars at uni.

Can you do an online grocery order for him? My flat mates mum used to do that, that way she had food and decent food at that - no supanoodles for her!

Boisderose · 26/10/2016 09:02

Yes, it's his ps4, if he wants to sell it, let him. Perhaps he should organise a fifa night for a fiver a head Grin

expatinscotland · 26/10/2016 09:13

I wouldn't give him a penny in cash. Food shops, yes, but no cash. It's the only way he'll learn.