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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DS spent all his loan at Freshers

166 replies

Howlongtilldinner · 25/10/2016 10:46

As the title says..he has £30 (personally I think it's less) to last him till his next instalment in Jan. He assures me he's paid his accommodation, I've bought (and will continue buying) his food.

He has the max loan amount because I'm a LP on a low wage, spent around a £1000 on a PS4 and going out.

He obviously can't manage on what's left (he's applying for jobs) but I'm loathe to just give him cash to buy alcohol and have fun, when he's not budgeted at all!

Can anyone please give me some sound advice

OP posts:

GeorgiePeachie · 25/10/2016 11:35

One of my housemates had this in his first year. In Our third year, it was pitiful, if I didn't feed him he would eat nothing and made a box of fudge last for three days and that's ALL he ate. I was livid when I found out. He bought three guitars in his first term and the bad debt followed him ALL the way through uni.

Sell the PS4. Get a Sainsburies card for his food and only update it ONCE a week.

BumWad · 25/10/2016 11:40

I did this at uni. Kept doing it too. Spent it all on nights out and clothes. Pretty much lived on my overdraft and kept getting top up loans. Didn't ever tell my parents, they wouldn't have been able to afford bailing me out anyway.

However 3 years later I got my first graduate job and had paid my student loan off within a few years. I am so very good with money now.

1wokeuplikethis · 25/10/2016 11:40

Yes, thank you KirstyinNorway, that's exactly what I was saying; the ones who act like brats are the worst.

Heaven forbid I judged everyone by my own standards

Manumission · 25/10/2016 11:41

He obviously can't manage on what's left (he's applying for jobs) but I'm loathe to just give him cash to buy alcohol and have fun, when he's not budgeted at all!

No, I think you're right.

He has food and shelter covered, so those are the main things.

Is he in halls with bills etc included in the rent?

The only other two immediate worries for me would be textbooks and travel. (Presumably he has free ways to communicate with you if needed? SO comms aren't an issue.)

Then you have the second half of the problem, which is quite how he'll survive three years if he's this financially daft. Has he never had budgeting practice of any kind? I'd be looking at a course and/or book to send him about student budgeting, for a start.

Chinlo · 25/10/2016 11:43

In my third or fourth week at uni me and a flatmate went around the city giving CVs to every bar and shop we walked past. And we hadn't even spent all of our money on drink and games consoles! We just didn't have parents willing to buy all of our food for us, so we needed part-time jobs.

Never did us any harm.

SoupDragon · 25/10/2016 11:43

A ps4 doesnt cost 1000

He spent £1000 on a PS4 and going out

Stormtreader · 25/10/2016 11:45

A lot of students do this I think! I was certainly in lean times until my second loan installment :)
In a way its better for him to have learned this "budgeting isnt just for other people" lesson early before he starts in on credit cards, uni teaches more than just in the lectures :)

EverySongbirdSays · 25/10/2016 11:46

The new Playstation is £350 the VR one so the PS4 will be less. I imagine the rest went on Freshers partying.

The best thing for it beyond ensuring he has the basics (and also his course materials o there's no point being there) is for him TO GET A JOB.

I know no one who didn't have one, various jobs included:

Disabled Student Support (helping in the library etc)
Supermarkets
Fast Food Outlets
Retail
Care work
Telesales

If he had a Maccys job before he went or similar, he could just have transferred to his nearest one.

kath6144 · 25/10/2016 11:47

Why the hell are you buying his food if he is on full loan? Are you aware that that is supposed to cover accomodation, food and social life. NOT a PS4!! Did he really think his loan was for buying gaming consoles?? I can understand you giving him extra if he is in an expensive city and a lot of his loan has gone on accommodation, but not when he has blown it!!

My son is on min loan, we gave him the 'top-up' needed to pay his halls fees, then are giving him a monthly amount for food, living etc - in total he is getting less than max loan and says it is more than enough for him to live on. But then he hasn't bought a PS4.

If it was my son he wouldn't get another penny off me until the PS4 was sold. Tell him to get a second hand one with xmas money. Has he worked pre-uni? DS did and also managed to save a lot, which he can use for hols etc, or any treats (but he still wouldnt blow a grand on a console!!)

MycatsaPirate · 25/10/2016 11:47

I'd throttle DD if she did this.

She's off to Uni in February. Her course does not allow working alongside studying and placements so she will literally have her loan to live off.

She has already sat down with me and worked out what she will have to live on (not very much!) after she's paid accommodation (which we still haven't sorted as Halls are full). She has a car to run, food to buy as well as any social life she has time for.

I have promised that I will do a monthly food shop for her online and get it delivered but I certainly would not be funding a social life.

Manumission · 25/10/2016 11:48

Definitely tell him to sell his ps4. If you can afford to, get him one for Christmas as a reward for selling his and being more responsible (hopefully).

DO NOT buy him another one FGS

toptoe · 25/10/2016 11:49

Then he's just learnt a lesson in life. He's buffered because you pay his food bill, he has accomodation paid for. So he'll have to work out how to stretch 30 quid for socialising. Tough shit really but pretty standard for a fresher I should think.

Manumission · 25/10/2016 11:50

Are you still there OP?

liquidrevolution · 25/10/2016 11:52

What an idiot. I started a new job during freshers week as I knew I wouldnt be able to eat without one (no parent contribution at all).

I spent three years washing up dishes in a care home.

whattodowiththepoo · 25/10/2016 11:53

What was agreed before hand? You should continue as normal you as possible, if you agreed to buy him food or pay any other expenses you should continue to do that.
But absolutely nothing else, it's his money and now his PlayStation what he does with it should be his decision.

PlumsGalore · 25/10/2016 11:54

If he has paid his rent and you buy his food he doesn't need anything else, end of. When my DC was at uni I refused to pay for his social life, he was there in the middle of the recession in one of the poorest parts of the country with the highest unemployment. To fund his social life he got a job near home and commuted back every weekend to work. The money he earned paid for his social life and return train ticket.

He isn't going to starve, he isn't on the street, he won't be able to go out until after Christmas, but hey! he has a PS to keep him occupied.

Unlucky, a lesson learnt.

Chinlo · 25/10/2016 11:54

Another thing worth noting (although too late for OP) is that this is why it's a good idea for kids to work in the summers once they're over 16. I worked full time in a bar after sixth form - from July to September - and not only did I love it (a summer working with other young people in a lively bar was so great at that age), but it meant I had a bit of money saved up before I went to uni too.

Flingmoo · 25/10/2016 11:56

The only way he'll learn to be more careful in future is if he has to face the repercussions himself.

TheCompanyOfCats · 25/10/2016 11:58

Agree with other people. He's got food and a roof over his head. If you give him money, he'll only buy takeaway pizzas and go out on the piss etc.

He needs to figure out that adulthood isn't one long party. And really, he only has a month and a half left and he'll be back home for the Christmas break. That's not too long and there's plenty of employment opportunities in the run up to Christmas if he gets desperate.

Spudlet · 25/10/2016 11:59

Order his food for him, basic stuff. Beyond that, he's a big boy now, he's going to have to sort it out himself. Silly boy! But he's not the first and he won't be the last either.

Frazzled2207 · 25/10/2016 12:00

Wow. He needs to learn a lesson. How are you buying food without knowing he's spending it on something else? Don't bail him out!

OnionKnight · 25/10/2016 12:00

Don't buy him another PS4 as a reward for selling the one he bought FFS.

PS4's cost £250, he must have had one hell of a hangover.

SapphireStrange · 25/10/2016 12:03

Agree, sit him down and go through his/your finances. Help him to find a solution like getting a job.

I wouldn't pay for food.

specialsubject · 25/10/2016 12:04

do nothing until the PS4 has been sold or returned, along with other possessions. He has access to public libraries where they have, shock horror, BOOKS TO READ so he won't be bored. He can socialise without swilling.

Then work out a weekly food budget with him and buy him that online for delivery. Give him no more money. No xmas or birthday presents. Continue until January, with a warning that if he does this again you might actually let him starve. Food isn't free.

same advice would apply if you were loaded. Big mess-ups mean big consequences.

BarbaraofSeville · 25/10/2016 12:04

He probably spent the money on food, takeaways, clothes and gadgets too.

Even the full student loan isn't always enough for rent and basic living costs, so he might have had to work anyway.

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