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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DS spent all his loan at Freshers

166 replies

Howlongtilldinner · 25/10/2016 10:46

As the title says..he has £30 (personally I think it's less) to last him till his next instalment in Jan. He assures me he's paid his accommodation, I've bought (and will continue buying) his food.

He has the max loan amount because I'm a LP on a low wage, spent around a £1000 on a PS4 and going out.

He obviously can't manage on what's left (he's applying for jobs) but I'm loathe to just give him cash to buy alcohol and have fun, when he's not budgeted at all!

Can anyone please give me some sound advice

OP posts:

ThatGingerOne · 25/10/2016 12:07

Im uni now doong a science degree while workong two jobs. Its what you have to do. Get him to sell the ps4, get a job and use prepaid student/parent cards like those in Asda or order him a basic, smart priced food shop. He'll soon lesrn.

Liiinoo · 25/10/2016 12:10

He has food and shelter. That is more than an awful lot of people. If he can't go out for two months he might get more work done!!! Or get a job. There will always be bar/cleaning/retail work in uni towns particularly over Christmas.

What ever you do, do not bail him out. He has to learn to budget and better he learns in now in a relatively soft way than he learns in 10 years time. A short sharp shock now will do him no harm. You being a martyr and going without yourself is not the answer, that will not help him mature.

JoJoSM2 · 25/10/2016 12:12

I've only read your post.

He's been astoundingly irresponsible. However, he's applying for jobs so he'll sort himself out. If you've agreed to pay for his food, then carry on sending whatever the amount is (£20 a week or whatever). If his accommodation is paid for then you haven't got much to worry about - he'll have a roof over his head and won't starve...
It's a bit of a steep learning curve. In the future, you could also offer to help him budget so that he doesn't screw up in January.

slenderisthenight · 25/10/2016 12:19

sell the PS4

stop buying all his food

schbittery · 25/10/2016 12:20

I agree with others saying leave him to it - good life lesson. he has food, accommodation and entertainment. He can walk to lectures. Get a bar job for anything else.

abeandhalo · 25/10/2016 12:20

I thought initially you were saying he spent £1000 on a PS4, I wondered whether he'd bought a gold-plated one! To be honest, even with going out expenses included, that's a lot of money! Even factoring in games, he must have spent at least £500 on going out. At student events, which are cheap as chips. I can't even imagine where that money has gone!

I don't see he has much choice but to sell his PS4, or if you are willing and able to lend him money for the next 2 months, ensure he pays it back next term!

Kr1stina · 25/10/2016 12:21

You've had great advice here . Please don't bail him out ( unless it's to do a clock and collect order of basic foods ) .

This is the cheapest lesson he will ever learn . Let his learn it now, because if he doesn't , it will be more expensive later. He could get evicted for not paying his rent, run up CC debts, get a bad credit history or a CCJ, ruin a marriage because he can't deal with money .

So not being able to go to the pub and eating beans on toast every day in your nice warm safe room in a nice part of town really isn't a big deal.

YelloDraw · 25/10/2016 12:21

Wanted to echo what others have said - he will not be in a unique situation.

Blowing the entire student loan in freshers week is a relatively common mistake!

ByAndByTheWay · 25/10/2016 12:24

Look on the bright side, this is an excellent life lesson and he's learning it early. Don't bail him out and I wouldn't tell him how to fix it either. Sure make suggestions like selling the game thing or getting a job but make very clear that this is his mess and he can fix it.
I think everyone who went to uni knows someone who did this. If it is any consolation the bloke I know who blew all of his on a fancy stereo system now has a great job managing huge budgets and is a very responsible type. And we still tease him about being a muppet.

whatwouldrondo · 25/10/2016 12:24

I am a bit confused by your post, surely his accommodation is a significant portion of that £1000? If we did not pay DDs rent, and the occasional shop DDs would have had to get a job to survive, I am afraid that is the reality of the maintenance loan, it does not cover rent and living costs. All their friends who do not get a parental contribution have jobs. It is the norm.

OliviaStabler · 25/10/2016 12:25

He needs to get a part time job.

BarbaraofSeville · 25/10/2016 12:28

At student events, which are cheap as chips. I can't even imagine where that money has gone

I don't think it's like that any more. During freshers week where I am, new students are in all the fanciest cocktail bars in town, dressed up and groomed to the nines before eating out somewhere expensive and clubbing and taxi home. The sort of night out that ends up costing 3 figures.

Then queuing out of the door in Dominos the next day for 'hangover food'.

youredeadtomesteven · 25/10/2016 12:29

Haven't read all pp's yet but this is a learning curve for him. Freshers for some teens is that first taste of freedom and inevitably, a lot of the first loan is drunk or spent on random stuff, just because they can.

I'd give him food and tips on money and budgeting. If he has paid his accommodation/essentials then he's got all this time before January to get some study techniques down to a fine art, by staying in!

Aki23 · 25/10/2016 12:32

You say he cant manage on what's left but in the same sentence you don't want to sub him buying alcohol and having fun. Buy his food but for anything else he needs to get a job. University campuses are always after someone to clean - I say that as someone who spent a few weeks cleaning at university after the exams to earn a few £

ohforfoxsake · 25/10/2016 12:35

No doubt he'll be home in a few weeks for Christmas, and then will receive another payment for the new term?

It doesn't seem like he's going to I without for very long. I'd leave him to it. You're kind enough to provide groceries.

It's not that big a deal. But then I spent a whacking great part of my grant on hair extensions in one of my terms at Uni (late '80s) and spent the rest of the term working in a pub.

Lorelei76 · 25/10/2016 12:35

no idea if the PS4 is worth selling.

If you are worried about giving him cash, don't! Either get him food shop vouchers which will cover him buying any toiletries like toothpaste or antiseptic. tell him if he spends it on alcohol he'll go hungry.

tell him to get a job - agree Xmas retail will mean lots of short term work.

A pp mentioned doing this because she knew her folks would bail her out - I remember people doing that at uni and I bet they still do. Are you sure he hasn't done it for that reason?

if he has then you could do something like arrange a click and collect shop only so is fed but so that you are not subsidising anything else. He needs to learn.

almondpudding · 25/10/2016 12:35

If you are on a low income, why is he not getting a bursary from his university?

The first installment of university bursaries is paid via student loans at the beginning of December,

Babyroobs · 25/10/2016 12:35

This is possibly the sort of thing my ds would do.!! I'm glad in a way that he is now considering a gap year where he will work rather than going straight to Uni. He has a well paid part time job at the moment ( he is yr13) but never has any money and spends it all on junk food, football tickets and scratch cards which is fine as it's his own money to spend. He has no concept of budgeting or saving despite our best efforts to educate him.
As pp say i would buy him basic food only, or arrange deliveries to him and keep nagging him to look for a job.

Frazzled2207 · 25/10/2016 12:36

Barbara
Wow.
In my dad I often went out with a five pound note
50p bus
£2 club entry plus free drink
50p cloakroom
£1 extra drink
£1 shared taxi home

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans · 25/10/2016 12:37

Hopefully he lives with nice girls who will help to feed him (my DD and her friends fed the 2 in her house regularly)

I can't quite believe that nobody else picked up on this but seriously??? It's one thing if housemates all take turns cooking for each other, but why on earth should it be the women's job???

Frazzled2207 · 25/10/2016 12:37

In my DAY not dad

FredBair · 25/10/2016 12:38

Oh lovely another student bashing thread.
I suspect the nastiest comments are from those with very small children who so often seem to have it in for teenagers.
It's a hard lesson OP but DC aren't born knowing money management and financial responsibility they need to be taught. Like riding a bike.

How much is his loan? His rent? What is the amount left for living costs? Depending where he is the rent could eat up most of the loan or less than half.
What is his course? Not all courses leave much free time for work. Yes I know all the posters on here worked full time when they were students and only had one lecture a week but in real life some students actually work hard.
Does he know how to buy and cook food very cheaply? I would sit down with him and draw up a detailed budget and spending plan, both for the rest of this term and more importantly for next term so he can get it right next time.

PaulDacresConscience · 25/10/2016 12:38

Agree with PP that this is a key life lesson for him. His first term is going to be pretty frugal but he has to learn how to budget. If you bail him out then he knows that he can tap you up when he falls on hard times. This is not a tough luck story where it's not his fault. Yep he's been naive but this was totally avoidable so it's important that he understands the consequences of his actions.

If his tuition fees and accommodation is paid, and you're doing a basic food shop for him (and please make sure it is basic!) then as others have said, he'll need to get off his backside and find a job if he wants to eat anything more exciting than value beans and pasta - or if he wants to go out drinking, or buying clothes etc. I'd be flogging the PS4 as well. Silly boy - but plenty of us have been there. How I didn't end up with scurvy in my first term is a mystery!

Kr1stina · 25/10/2016 12:38

Didn't you notice Empress? The OPs son is at uni in 1950

diddl · 25/10/2016 12:40

If his rent is paid & you are buying him food, what does he need money for?

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