On the verge of kicking her out eldest DD16

[Pisssssedofff]

She hits her siblings and really hurts them aged 12 and 6. My son when he was interviewed by the court over custody thing drew my eldest dd in the sad house.

I kind of feel these incidents are happening more frequently with exam pressure. I'm on my own with 4 of them. In a three Bed house. It's pretty much like living in a pressure cooker

I know it sounds like the op is resentful but if you step back and think of how angry you'd feel if your 12 year old had been attacked and day to day violence had reached breaking point, then it might be worth considering mn is a sounding board for that anger rather than a mother that doesn't love her daughter

sorry, I assumed she attacked you too.

I think people should back off calling OP names. How ridiculous.
OP I feel for you, and I agree I wouldn't want to house a child that was bigger and stronger than the others and capable of kicking them in the face. You have a duty of care to all your children, and yourself. It isn't reasonable to expect them to live like that.
Have you had any dealings with CAFCASS etc previously?
Tbh, knowing what I know now, I would call the police and report the assault.

You what I don't love her, I don't, it's been chipped away at, day to day for years

OP it sounds awful for all of you,what do you want to do?

To be honest with you what she did was a physical assault and you would be well within your rights to call the Police!
Have you had your younger DC checked out by the Dr's?Because she could have done serious damage to your other childs jaw.

You're ground down, try to remember she is still a child although looks like a monster right now. I know it's hard and I'm not trying to patronise you.

A bit trite but I really feel you would benefit from a counsellor to get out your feelings.

ill not flame you op, your daughter sounds a nightmare to live with. Your daughter is 16, technically an adult, and its not fair or right that she is essentially assaulting your younger children. Perhaps she does have a disability (ASD etc.) or perhaps she doesnt. At her age, if she doesnt want to investigate it further (and from the sound of it i dont suppose she would) there is not much you can do for her regarding that). I dont think i would wish my youngest children to have leave. For how long? weeks, months, years? Its a difficult position you are in due to her age. SS prob wont be too interested, and if she decides she doesnt like a foster/childrens home and absconds SS wont do anything about it due to her age. You could rent out a one bedroom flat, but could you afford it, for how long, what if your daughter trashed the place? I really sympathise with you as my ds (16) isnt violent but even just his attitude and the way he spoke to me and the rest of my family had me considering throwing him out.

If you were a good mother you wouldn't be talking about your child with such contempt.

Dragging her off is not "nearly killing her". So I don't buy that for a second.

Also, she was not responsible for the breakdown of your marriage. The two adults to which the marriage belonged are the only ones responsible.

I have read loads of posts written by parents at the end of their rope. I have written some myself. None of them had the level of nastiness and contempt that is coming from OPs posts.

OP, stop feeling guilty RIGHT NOW. Even if, as some MNers seem to want you to think, you are single-handedly and directly to blame for the way your 16 year-old behaves, feeling bad about it won't help anyone now.

Go ahead and make arrangements to get her out of the house. Protect your younger children. Establish some kind of normality for them and yourself. After that, when you're more secure, you can work on your relationship with your eldest, if that's what you both want.

Some young people really need to be out of the family home. We need better systems to help them be more independent from about fourteen - but we haven't got that yet - because it might head off situations like yours. But that's aside.

You do know those things your dp "hated" about her could be signs of depression? If she's been mentally ill, and you've put your new man above her/let him make personal remarks about her and give her grief, I don't blame her for being angry now. She shouldn't be taking it out on her sibs though. No more hitting her for punishment. It will just make things worse. You need to take her to the gp. Does school have someone she could talk to, a counsellor or someone? Underneath all that anger I bet there's a lot of hurt.

16 year olds are not "technically adults." She is a child.

Gosh OP - I have no idea what to suggest, I agree with the other posters - please give SS another try, this situation cannot continue like this. Also I would think the GP may be able to help support you because clearly you are beyond breaking point.

Liz with respect you're not helping. So leave it

Unless you fancy rescuing her from the big bad mummy in which case I'll pm you my address

Phone social services explain what's happened and has been happening, explain that she has to leave the family home as your younger children aren't safe with immediate effect, they will act upon it, my cousin was put into care at 16 for very similar reasons.

From what I've read your daughter needs a lot of support and you need support on building a relationship with her again and I don't think either of you will get that whilst living together, you both need time away to heal.

No, I don't suppose being made to think about the reality of it is helping.

It is much easier to blame a child for all the problems.

"The new man" was the only dad she knew from 9 months old and no he was not put before her, he wasn't put before the fucking dog which in retrospect was why he left, poor bugger

Liz go away

I think the OP very much needs help, owllady. The situation sounds absolutely dreadful and it must be horrible for everyone. It must also be horrible to be feeling like she is about her daughter at the moment and to be so worn down she can no longer see past resentment and try to figure out what's going on with her daughter.

OP honestly, things have gone very badly wrong for you and your family at the moment but they can improve. You need outside help to help your daughter, protect your other daughters, and also for you to cope. Do call social services (who should be able to refer you to other services of necessary). You could also ask your 12 year old's school to make a report too, given what's happened today.

Things need to get better for everyone.

Is that your answer to anyone that challenges you? They should just go away?

Much like your eldest child.

Well she will just keep assaulting you and her siblings until one of you is seriously hurt. Please yourself.

I was on my own at 16 and I hate my parents for it.
Whether you spoilt her it not she will know you don't love her, she will know you prefer the others.
She is a teenager, she is hormonal, she is facing pressures at school to figure out what she needs and wants to do for the rest of her life.
She is from a single parent overcrowded house. She has got her own way and is now at a point where she isn't the favourite being spoilt etc it also sounds like she could be on the spectrum or have mental health problems.
There are issues but not only with her.

Personally I would tell her if she assaults any child again you will phone the police. Ring social services and ask for help. Make her an appointment with gp.
It would be easy for you to kick her out or get her a place at a hostel but as her parent it is your responsibility to try and help her.

How do you discipline her?

OP you sound completely distraught & very angry which I can understand but what do you want from this thread?
All sensible suggestions are being rejected out of hand so are you looking for validation in getting rid of your troubled daughter in a very cruel & rejecting manner?