Pregnant as a surrogate and the intended parents have changed their minds

[ConfusedandscaredHELP]

Hi everyone,

So I've never posted on here before, its not my thing...
But basically..
I agreed to be a surrogate for a friend who is in a same sex relationship...
It was a spur of the moment thing, yes I know thst sounds stupid as I've created a life, but I saw how much they longed for a child ...

Anyway the short version, I'm now pregnant ( quite far 😭 and they've decided they aren't ready for a child now!!

Well, neither am I!! 😭😭😭
Im petrified of giving birth, and then being stuck with a baby I dont want or dont feel any bond for as I drummed it into my head its not my baby.

Is it possible to find a couple now to take the baby or too late???

My family dont even know as I dont live too close and we are always in touch but via phones etc ... please help!
I really cant and dont want this baby, im sorry for people desperate for their own child as I feel horrible and selfish!!
I don't want to go down the social services adoption route as the poor baby is going to think it wasn't wanted and just taken when that wasn't the case. It wss planned and was a special helping beautiful gift for a couple that obviously couldn't have their own child

Any ideas???
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Kc
😖😖😖😖😖😖😖
Thanks for reading
Sorry if I offend anyone. I know how special and precious it is to be able to be pregnant, im Sorry

Agree with this.

You need to get their refusal in writing, and probably witnessed by a third party.

Because one of the intended parents is presumably the actual father of the child. Children do much better growing up in their family of origin, ideally with one of their parents, than with adoptive parents. This situation if it panned out as planned would have been completely different to adoption.

Additionally, the child would have been claimed by one of the parents who created him/her which is very different to being rejected by both parents and given up for adoption.

Isn't that how adoption works?

I assume this wasn’t an official surrogacy.

Official adoption route the best way. Need to think about the child. It’s already had a shit beginning. You can’t just palm a baby off to some random couple

Get it officially done, let the child have legal route to trace genetic parents

Let the child be brought up by someone who actually wants them

How do you know that? The circumstances of their conception and adoption will be a huge issue for them to contend with. They may never get over it.

Won't make any impact on a court case in future unfortunately.

Of course not! Social services assess and approve all adoptions in the UK.

@SunnySaturdaySloth there are legalities to adoption, you don’t just post the baby on gum tree

@RoseField1 the child may well have issues due to adoption, but what is the solution here (speaking as someone who is adopted)

Of course adoption is the only option, unless one of OP's relatives or the father's relatives want to raise the baby. I was answering someone saying adoption isn't always terrible and the child will thrive with a loving family. They may not thrive. Nobody can predict that. Their conception and adoption will leave a huge mark on their life.

I know many very well adjusted adopted children. They aren't necessarily the ones you see on tv shows. Being adopted from a very young age also makes it easier. Anyway, there's obviously no putting the toothpaste back in. Isn't it better for the baby to be raised by two parents who are prepared and willing?

^^This. Its tough but there aren't a huge range of options here.

Why are people believing the lies

No way is this real. Surely.

It's obvious there is an official process but the end result is the same.
I thought you would realise that.

We can but hope

The OP doesn’t want to use “the social services route”. The alternative is the open market.

MNHQ took the thread down earlier while they checked it and it’s now back, so sadly it may be true.

Artificial insemination is my guess with OP’s egg so this is genetically her baby.

An absolute mess.

There is no way this is real. Op needs to come back and answer the questions or it becomes apparent that she is a time waster.

I know someone who became a surrogate for a male couple, they used a turkey baster at home. She hardly knew them. Her husband left her over it (yes she was married!).

If you are in the U.K. then you have to do this officially, you can’t hand the baby over to someone you choose. People are desperate for babies that haven’t been exposed to drugs/alcohol. The baby will be wanted.

Human beings are not gifts or presents to pass around ffs!

Exactly. Should be locked down

It's really infuriating when people respond to one message in a long quote discussion without reading what the person before them was responding to. OP literally said she wanted to bypass social services to adopt this child, which was the initial point I was responding to in the discussion.

The OP was posted about 8 hours ago and still she hasn't replied to a single comment in 8 pages...

BS.

OP you have 8 pages of responses. I appreciate that not everyone is glued to their computer, but for such a pressing issue I find it odd that you haven't made a single response yet.