Pregnant as a surrogate and the intended parents have changed their minds

[ConfusedandscaredHELP]

Hi everyone,

So I've never posted on here before, its not my thing...
But basically..
I agreed to be a surrogate for a friend who is in a same sex relationship...
It was a spur of the moment thing, yes I know thst sounds stupid as I've created a life, but I saw how much they longed for a child ...

Anyway the short version, I'm now pregnant ( quite far 😭 and they've decided they aren't ready for a child now!!

Well, neither am I!! 😭😭😭
Im petrified of giving birth, and then being stuck with a baby I dont want or dont feel any bond for as I drummed it into my head its not my baby.

Is it possible to find a couple now to take the baby or too late???

My family dont even know as I dont live too close and we are always in touch but via phones etc ... please help!
I really cant and dont want this baby, im sorry for people desperate for their own child as I feel horrible and selfish!!
I don't want to go down the social services adoption route as the poor baby is going to think it wasn't wanted and just taken when that wasn't the case. It wss planned and was a special helping beautiful gift for a couple that obviously couldn't have their own child

Any ideas???
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Kc
😖😖😖😖😖😖😖
Thanks for reading
Sorry if I offend anyone. I know how special and precious it is to be able to be pregnant, im Sorry

Of course there isn't. Sounds like OP got pregnant with the sperm of a friend of hers - what kind of legal remedy is there for that apart from getting maintenance paid through the CMS? Even if this was an actual surrogacy situation there would be no legally binding contract in place but it isn't, it's just a silly woman who thought it was a good idea to get pregnant and hand the baby to its father to raise.

What counselling? She's got pregnant with her mate's sperm. Nobody else involved I doubt. And if one of the intended parents is the father then yes, she can hand the baby over at birth if she wants. The initial plan was a crazy one, but not illegal.

This is awful, no HIV checks.
I'm pretty sure in the UK any surrogacy arrangements are not currently legally enforceable though this OP if she is real may not be in the UK.

Adoption is the only route if its too late for an abortion... Ring social services on Monday they will have lists of people on the adoption register that do actually want a baby. And never speak to your “friends” again!

The friends are obscene people. How dare they do that. This is one of the very worst things I have ever heard of.

A male friend gives sperm, then you inject it into yourself with a turkey baster. You don’t have to go through anything formal to get pregnant.

No I would tell them straight they can’t just change their minds it’s a human being made especially for them not you. It a contract verbal or written agreement it’s not an 9 month cooling off period you have done your bit. Everyone gets scared being a parent but they made their choice. Tough on them. I don’t think you should be responsible for doing something so kind for them.

It’s considered immoral to give a puppy or a kitten as a gift, so god knows why anyone would think giving someone a baby as a gift is a lovely idea. And if it’s not a gift because money has changed hands (or was intended to change hands) then you were prepared to sell a human being and your friends were prepared to buy one. Human trafficking. At this point the only thing you can do is contact social services and ask them to help this poor baby you have created have the least bad start in life they can find for it.

Send? What, by registered post or DPD or something like that?

Social care has to be involved. A baby can be relinquished, but a mother can’t consent to adoption within 6 weeks of the baby’s birth. The OP must speak to her midwife and must not try to find a home for the baby in any other way. You’d have hoped she’d have learned from the way her pregnancy came about

You don’t think there’s a distinction between being happy to adopt a baby and being glad that a baby is born unwanted by his or her parents? You can’t see the difference between being pleased to adopt and being pleased for the circumstances that lead to a baby needing to be adopted? Oh well …

But legalising surrogacy gives oxygen to the idea that it isn't morally dubious.

This is why women’s bodies and wombs should never be for hire. Surrogacy should be illegal. The poor baby.

If you put the baby up for adoption, it's best for that to happen quickly so they are able to bind with the new parents. Many parents would be thrilled to have a healthy baby. (No history of drug use).

Sorry this happened to you, it's very unfair.

It is terrifying, disturbing and depressing to think there’s people like the OP and her friends making arrangements like this to bring a child in to the world. When I suspect no person on the scenario should be procreating any time soon.

Lots of people are saying that the couple deciding they don’t want the baby is terrible for the baby. But in what ways is the baby being adopted through SS worse than the baby being adopted by the couple? They are unvetted, SS will vet (not infallible obvs). SS will give support. The baby is going to be taken from his or her mother as a newborn in either scenario. Why is adoption through ss so terrible for the baby if adoption by surrogacy is fine?

Adoption isn't universally terrible at all. The baby will thrive with a loving family.

Sorry but she made such a huge decision on a whim with no legal protections or serious thought or considerations of what coule go wrong or the implications etc, she doesn't get a pass.

Yes her friends should be ashamed but she also made a stupid decision and now a baby's life is caught in this mess.

@ConfusedandscaredHELP the best option would be to put the child up for adoption so hopefully he or she can find a good home with parents who can care for them.

Adoptive parents have to go through crushingly difficult tests of suitability etc.

Hugely different from a man trying to buy a baby.

Yes, exactly. Given that OP has essentially decided to have a baby that she doesn’t want, adoption through SS seems by far the better outcome for the child.

I am sorry you are going through this.

I haven’t read all of the posters comments but my only suggestion here –I am not familiar with the legalities– is that you have their refusal in writing.
My worry would be, what if you slowly change your mind and by the time the baby is born –hormones kicking in– you really want to keep your baby? And then they also change their minds and decide they want her too, and deny they ever refused?

I really don't think you can just give your baby away to the next available, willing family that comes along! 🤦‍♀️

This happened to a lady I used to follow on TikTok. She's American, but was being a surrogate for a couple (I think) from China/Hong Kong. She delivered twins during Covid, but the parents were then "unable" to travel to collect the children from America.
Long story short, she is now raising twins. There has been very infrequent contact with the bio-parents, who were full of promises of coming imminently, but then didn't. They didn't even have passports to travel. The surrogate called time on them, and had to go through the courts to get full parental rights.

I'm sure there's more to the story, but if you Google the key facts, I'm sure you'll find her. It's a wild story. Totally bizarre.

Surrogacy whilst legal in the UK is highly regulated. You will be deemed the parent irrespective of what happens and unless you can get the child adopted, its highly likely you will have to go down the social services route, because clearly the child is unwanted.
Your friends are repulsive, the lowest of the low. Because of their stupidity and selfishness they are now bringing an unwanted child into the world who most likely will spend their formative years in a care system that frankly doesn't.
If true they should be banned from ever having children.

In an ideal world.

As in recent news a male gay couple adopted a boy and he was se**ally abused and killed by the adopted parents. They were vetted. People can hide reasons for adopting and have no prior criminal record. Nothing is ever full proof and it's naive to think otherwise.

No more posts by the OP.