Pregnant as a surrogate and the intended parents have changed their minds

[ConfusedandscaredHELP]

Hi everyone,

So I've never posted on here before, its not my thing...
But basically..
I agreed to be a surrogate for a friend who is in a same sex relationship...
It was a spur of the moment thing, yes I know thst sounds stupid as I've created a life, but I saw how much they longed for a child ...

Anyway the short version, I'm now pregnant ( quite far 😭 and they've decided they aren't ready for a child now!!

Well, neither am I!! 😭😭😭
Im petrified of giving birth, and then being stuck with a baby I dont want or dont feel any bond for as I drummed it into my head its not my baby.

Is it possible to find a couple now to take the baby or too late???

My family dont even know as I dont live too close and we are always in touch but via phones etc ... please help!
I really cant and dont want this baby, im sorry for people desperate for their own child as I feel horrible and selfish!!
I don't want to go down the social services adoption route as the poor baby is going to think it wasn't wanted and just taken when that wasn't the case. It wss planned and was a special helping beautiful gift for a couple that obviously couldn't have their own child

Any ideas???
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Kc
😖😖😖😖😖😖😖
Thanks for reading
Sorry if I offend anyone. I know how special and precious it is to be able to be pregnant, im Sorry

So the baby goes to a couple that don't want it? How is this better than a legal, vetted adoption via SS.

No-one can know a child born and brought up with their natural parents will have a fabulous life. But being adopted by a couple who want a child and have been vetted surely the best option in this scenario. I am sure we can all agree the situation shouldn't have happened in the first place but it has.

That's one instance - a terrible terrible situation, but the vast majority of adoptive parents go through really stringent processes.

As an adopter, this is what you tell your child when they are 4 or 5. By the time they hit their teens, they need the full truth. They need it from you, their parents, not from the internet without support, or via a DNA test and seeing their birth parents having found them on social media.
They will find out some day.

The OP hasn't come back then. What a surprise

Shocked I am, shocked I tellz ya!

I’m assuming they were hoping for a flurry of emails offering to adopt this poor unwanted child! Of course they just need their costs covered as those meany dads won’t pay and now I can’t work.

if they don’t want it they get ss involved why should the op be stuck with sorting everything out I really think she’s done her bit she never wanted the baby either so the gay couple can change their minds but she doesn’t even get a choice plus if the couple do it social services will have it on record that they changed their minds and never ever deserve to adopt.

Op gets stuck with it because she's the mother. That's just biology.

But it’s not right that they get to walk away then they could do it again to some other poor woman.

None of it is right but it is what it is and the OP needs to act quickly.

@Pessismistic SS don’t get involved when a man leaves a woman pregnant in other circumstances

Men do shit like this all the time. The 'surrogacy' element is a red herring.

Are you still there @ConfusedandscaredHELP ?

Even if it were only one that's one too many, but unfortunately its not. Another case Leiland-James Corkill died in 2021, both his adoptive parents were jailed, with the adoptive mother getting life.

Both tragedies. But in light of the number of children who are adopted by parents who don't abuse and murder them, does NOT mean adoption is inherently risky for children.

You seem a bit obsessed. Do you have a list of children murdered by their birth parent or a step parent?

Exactly.

I think your continued insistence that formal adoption is no safer than informal (and generally illegal) surrogacy is specious @DadBodAlready

It sounds like special pleading.

Think about the kinds of people who would want to take a newborn baby from you 'no questions asked' even rescue pets go through an adoption process.

To be clear you don't want to hand your baby to a child abuser or human trafficker. You have to involve social services and one day when that baby becomes an adult they will likely want contact with you / the rest of your family and answers. Rejecting your baby may f* them up for the rest of their life just so you know.

Your "friends" are terrible reckless selfish people they should not be thought of as friends any more, you also need to think about how you'd feel if your mum gave you away at birth and wasn't in your life growing up how would you like that?

You have to involve social services and one day when that baby becomes an adult they will likely want contact with you / the rest of your family and answers. Rejecting your baby may f them up for the rest of their life just so you know.*

I have a relative who was adopted back in the 50s. She loved her adoptive parents and never got in touch with her birth parents, she said she never felt the need to find out about them.

I have another relative who fostered for about a decade then adopted. Their adopted child knows far more about their background than my other relative because adoption has changed. But they are much better off with my relatives than their birth family.

A baby that was created for surrogacy was always going to be removed from its mother at birth and given to people who have already shown themselves to have a fucked up attitude to women and children. Official adoption will be a far better prospect for this child than going to the surrogate parents. The mother need to do what is the best thing for the her and the child, that may be keeping it herself or it may be putting it up for adoption but that is for her to decide with help from the relevant agencies, not for you to push a twisted agenda to push her towards your personal viewpoint that may or may not be the best thing for this mother and baby.

Why are people STILL posting long answers on what is so obviously a made up thread?

Saturday was "creative time" in some homes. I think "Orchid kid" won the Bafta

Well OP clearly isn't coming back but I'm interested in the one poster who thinks a legal adoption is worse than leaving a baby with people who don't want it.

It’s a fairly well known term…The Orchid and the Dandelion book about child development for example.

Th

So?

Doesn't mean the thread wasn't a goady made-up one (which was my point)