Pregnant as a surrogate and the intended parents have changed their minds

[ConfusedandscaredHELP]

Hi everyone,

So I've never posted on here before, its not my thing...
But basically..
I agreed to be a surrogate for a friend who is in a same sex relationship...
It was a spur of the moment thing, yes I know thst sounds stupid as I've created a life, but I saw how much they longed for a child ...

Anyway the short version, I'm now pregnant ( quite far 😭 and they've decided they aren't ready for a child now!!

Well, neither am I!! 😭😭😭
Im petrified of giving birth, and then being stuck with a baby I dont want or dont feel any bond for as I drummed it into my head its not my baby.

Is it possible to find a couple now to take the baby or too late???

My family dont even know as I dont live too close and we are always in touch but via phones etc ... please help!
I really cant and dont want this baby, im sorry for people desperate for their own child as I feel horrible and selfish!!
I don't want to go down the social services adoption route as the poor baby is going to think it wasn't wanted and just taken when that wasn't the case. It wss planned and was a special helping beautiful gift for a couple that obviously couldn't have their own child

Any ideas???
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Kc
😖😖😖😖😖😖😖
Thanks for reading
Sorry if I offend anyone. I know how special and precious it is to be able to be pregnant, im Sorry

This is what I think also.
I despairof the human. Race at times. Children are not trinkets you can send back if you change your mind, they are human beings with the same feelings as anyone else. Shame on all involved in this scaenario

I thought Mumsnet advises people to report threads rather than trying to troll hunt. I think you’ve made your opinion quite clear already

It might not be made up. You can’t underestimated just how daft some people are and how “pick me” women can get around gay men. If I was a gay man wanting a surrogate I’d target the daftest woman I knew and lay it on thick about how amazing it is that babies don’t need a boring old mum now - if only more women would stop being selfish.

Obviously “the social services route” is better than trying to sell the baby on privately.

I don't want to go down the social services adoption route as the poor baby is going to think it wasn't wanted and just taken when that wasn't the case.

But it is unwanted. Neither you nor your friends want the baby, and no thought was given to make sure that this didn't happen.

Hilaria Baldwin might be up for buying it?

Is she the lady who identifies as being Spanish?

Si.

What an awful situation to find yourself in!

however, since you always intended for the baby to be for someone else I think you could adopt the baby out, especially if you are very open to same sex parents. Find another couple whose hearts are hurting for a baby and you will make their year by adopting this baby.

the story they tell this child will the the same. We wanted you so badly but couldn’t have a baby ourselves but ‘ConfusedandscaredHELP’ stepped in and helped us to have you.

She’s an absolute whackadoodle.

Family planning was introduced for a reason. Not all babies are wanted and this baby clearly is one of the ones who isn’t. You might well have several emotional responses to that, but that’s the reality that healthcare and social care deal with everyday.

OP, tell your midwife

Hmmmmmmm

If this is true, tell your midwife, who will refer to social services

👍🏻

@ConfusedandscaredHELP Is it your egg? Or a donor one, ie is the baby half yours biologically.... ?And is the same sex couple male? (I am assuming so - as if female, one of them would probably have had the baby themselves.)

Obviously if you do not want the baby, then you will have to put him/her up for adoption. What a sad situation. I am not wholly against surrogacy and am indeed neutral about it, but this proves that there are indeed things that can go wrong when people fo down the surrogacy route.

.

Well this is a fucking insane situation! If you're in the UK you can't find a family to adopt the baby yourself, you have to relinquish them to the care of social services and they will arrange an adoption. I truly truly hope you're on a wind up and no baby exists but if it does, poor fucking child. What a disgusting pair the 'parents' are. Two men of course.

Really??
You think this will be a lovely heartwarming story for the child to hear? Your 'father' persuaded a gullible impulsive woman to gestate you, your biological mother is god knows who, then your 'fathers' decided they didn't want you, your gestational mother didn't want you either, so you were placed with adopters who luckily enough did want you, but your whole existence is misery of stupid adult decisions and rejection. Hoorah!

If this is real then I presume it was a turkey baster job and OP is bio mum (and the friend/couple is male) and that there was no formal contractual arrangement as would normally be required for formal surrogacy, with terms and conditions about this type of eventuality.

The baby will have to be born. Adoption will be the best thing. It is effectively what was planned anyway.

Surrogacy is always ethically dubious in my mind but in this case the "friend" and his partner have been total shits.

I don't want to go down the social services adoption route

You have to. It's illegal to do anything else. It's literally child trafficking.

Yes, doesn't it make your heart swell up? So joyous, so adorable. And it would make someone's year.

As long as some unrelated random adults get to have the baby they always wanted what does it matter how that baby came to exist right? 🙄🙄 I've also realised that OP must also be the biological mother of the child which makes it even worse that both parents are rejecting the baby who they deliberately and on purpose created. As a social worker I've been involved in a couple of relinquished baby adoptions and they are very rare for a reason and always sad, but in every case it was an unplanned pregnancy, a dire situation and adoption was the safest choice for the child. This - this mess is bloody awful. That child will never forgive you and the father for this. It will blight their life.

Yeah, they all lived happily ever after!

You’re assuming the friends are female here. Quite straightforward if they’re male!