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Surrogacy

Join to connect with others in similar situations and discuss legal processes, costs, well-being, and types of surrogacy.

Original poster

Pregnant as a surrogate and the intended parents have changed their minds

281 replies

ConfusedandscaredHELP · 09/05/2026 07:26

Hi everyone,

So I've never posted on here before, its not my thing...
But basically..
I agreed to be a surrogate for a friend who is in a same sex relationship...
It was a spur of the moment thing, yes I know thst sounds stupid as I've created a life, but I saw how much they longed for a child ...

Anyway the short version, I'm now pregnant ( quite far 😭 and they've decided they aren't ready for a child now!!

Well, neither am I!! 😭😭😭
Im petrified of giving birth, and then being stuck with a baby I dont want or dont feel any bond for as I drummed it into my head its not my baby.

Is it possible to find a couple now to take the baby or too late???

My family dont even know as I dont live too close and we are always in touch but via phones etc ... please help!
I really cant and dont want this baby, im sorry for people desperate for their own child as I feel horrible and selfish!!
I don't want to go down the social services adoption route as the poor baby is going to think it wasn't wanted and just taken when that wasn't the case. It wss planned and was a special helping beautiful gift for a couple that obviously couldn't have their own child

Any ideas???
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Kc
😖😖😖😖😖😖😖
Thanks for reading
Sorry if I offend anyone. I know how special and precious it is to be able to be pregnant, im Sorry

OP posts:
FruAashild · Yesterday 14:23

There were some funny responses about what plant they or their children were though. A good thread does not need a sincere OP.

ParmaVioletTea · Yesterday 16:37

MNBV221 · Yesterday 09:31

Why are people STILL posting long answers on what is so obviously a made up thread?

Saturday was "creative time" in some homes. I think "Orchid kid" won the Bafta

Edited

Well, I suppose others reading might learn something?

The "Orchid child" poster made TWO threads.

XXRepealtheGRA · Today 09:07

FruAashild · Yesterday 06:38

You have to involve social services and one day when that baby becomes an adult they will likely want contact with you / the rest of your family and answers. Rejecting your baby may f them up for the rest of their life just so you know.*

I have a relative who was adopted back in the 50s. She loved her adoptive parents and never got in touch with her birth parents, she said she never felt the need to find out about them.

I have another relative who fostered for about a decade then adopted. Their adopted child knows far more about their background than my other relative because adoption has changed. But they are much better off with my relatives than their birth family.

A baby that was created for surrogacy was always going to be removed from its mother at birth and given to people who have already shown themselves to have a fucked up attitude to women and children. Official adoption will be a far better prospect for this child than going to the surrogate parents. The mother need to do what is the best thing for the her and the child, that may be keeping it herself or it may be putting it up for adoption but that is for her to decide with help from the relevant agencies, not for you to push a twisted agenda to push her towards your personal viewpoint that may or may not be the best thing for this mother and baby.

I didn't argue for the baby to go to the surrogate dads.

I'm against surrogacy and think adoption should only happen if the baby would be in danger if left with the mother or if the mother is incapable of caring for the child.

I also have relatives who were adopted - any baby rejected by their parents and who doesn't form a secure attachment with their birth mother will struggle to form a secure attachment with adoptive parents or anyone else.

I'm not saying adoption can't be successful but it could mentally f* up the adoptee who could spend their life wondering about their biological family, what they looked like, where they were from, any inherited medical conditions and why they were given away (as my cousin did), so adoption should be a last resort. This isn't a "twisted agenda" even if you think it's great to take babies away from mothers.

To the OP - you said you were avoiding telling your family about this, I think you should because it's possible your parents would want their grandchild to remain in your family even if they adopt the baby themselves. Talk to your family about this and get support from your loved ones not fair weather friends.

CaptainMyCaptain · Today 13:05

XXRepealtheGRA · Today 09:07

I didn't argue for the baby to go to the surrogate dads.

I'm against surrogacy and think adoption should only happen if the baby would be in danger if left with the mother or if the mother is incapable of caring for the child.

I also have relatives who were adopted - any baby rejected by their parents and who doesn't form a secure attachment with their birth mother will struggle to form a secure attachment with adoptive parents or anyone else.

I'm not saying adoption can't be successful but it could mentally f* up the adoptee who could spend their life wondering about their biological family, what they looked like, where they were from, any inherited medical conditions and why they were given away (as my cousin did), so adoption should be a last resort. This isn't a "twisted agenda" even if you think it's great to take babies away from mothers.

To the OP - you said you were avoiding telling your family about this, I think you should because it's possible your parents would want their grandchild to remain in your family even if they adopt the baby themselves. Talk to your family about this and get support from your loved ones not fair weather friends.

Show quote history

The mother doesn't want the baby. Do you think her bond with the baby would be stronger than with a couple (or single person) who does want them?

Your stance is like telling someone who is asking for directions 'I wouldn't start from here' . It's a bad situation but it is what it is (even if it is only theoretical and not real).

Winter2020 · Today 20:16

Sess249 · 09/05/2026 23:35

Okay so find some lesbians? Or an infertile couple.

this poster has clearly stated that SHE doesn’t want a baby and yes I agree she’s completely screwed up by not doing things legally. I’m not encouraging other people to go and have a baby to give away,

im simply stating that in the current circumstances- ie this OP who is pregnant with a baby she never intended to keep, and the baby is coming one way or another she does have the option to find parents who will love and care for this baby

Show quote history

She needs to contact social services.

She cannot just "find some lesbians". It is not legal to start advertising a baby.

StrictlyCoffee · Today 22:04

This poor baby :( what a fucking shitshow

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