Pregnant as a surrogate and the intended parents have changed their minds

[ConfusedandscaredHELP]

Hi everyone,

So I've never posted on here before, its not my thing...
But basically..
I agreed to be a surrogate for a friend who is in a same sex relationship...
It was a spur of the moment thing, yes I know thst sounds stupid as I've created a life, but I saw how much they longed for a child ...

Anyway the short version, I'm now pregnant ( quite far 😭 and they've decided they aren't ready for a child now!!

Well, neither am I!! 😭😭😭
Im petrified of giving birth, and then being stuck with a baby I dont want or dont feel any bond for as I drummed it into my head its not my baby.

Is it possible to find a couple now to take the baby or too late???

My family dont even know as I dont live too close and we are always in touch but via phones etc ... please help!
I really cant and dont want this baby, im sorry for people desperate for their own child as I feel horrible and selfish!!
I don't want to go down the social services adoption route as the poor baby is going to think it wasn't wanted and just taken when that wasn't the case. It wss planned and was a special helping beautiful gift for a couple that obviously couldn't have their own child

Any ideas???
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Kc
😖😖😖😖😖😖😖
Thanks for reading
Sorry if I offend anyone. I know how special and precious it is to be able to be pregnant, im Sorry

There were some funny responses about what plant they or their children were though. A good thread does not need a sincere OP.

Well, I suppose others reading might learn something?

The "Orchid child" poster made TWO threads.

I didn't argue for the baby to go to the surrogate dads.

I'm against surrogacy and think adoption should only happen if the baby would be in danger if left with the mother or if the mother is incapable of caring for the child.

I also have relatives who were adopted - any baby rejected by their parents and who doesn't form a secure attachment with their birth mother will struggle to form a secure attachment with adoptive parents or anyone else.

I'm not saying adoption can't be successful but it could mentally f* up the adoptee who could spend their life wondering about their biological family, what they looked like, where they were from, any inherited medical conditions and why they were given away (as my cousin did), so adoption should be a last resort. This isn't a "twisted agenda" even if you think it's great to take babies away from mothers.

To the OP - you said you were avoiding telling your family about this, I think you should because it's possible your parents would want their grandchild to remain in your family even if they adopt the baby themselves. Talk to your family about this and get support from your loved ones not fair weather friends.

The mother doesn't want the baby. Do you think her bond with the baby would be stronger than with a couple (or single person) who does want them?

Your stance is like telling someone who is asking for directions 'I wouldn't start from here' . It's a bad situation but it is what it is (even if it is only theoretical and not real).

She needs to contact social services.

She cannot just "find some lesbians". It is not legal to start advertising a baby.

This poor baby :( what a fucking shitshow

Of course the bond would be stronger. This isn't just about the mum's feelings but the permanent consequences this could have on the child.

The baby has spent 9 months knowing their mothers scent, voice, heartbeat etc and then when it’s born it’s taken away from the only thing its ever known, its only comfort. It will cause pre verbal trauma and disrupt attachment.

If the mum refuses to raise the life she willingly created the next best option would be to find out if another family member would be willing to adopt so that the child grows up still knowing their family and identity.

Why do you think so many couples choose IVF rather than just adopting any available child if it's so easy to bond with a stranger? They want to be biologically related and the same is true vice versa. Why should a baby be torn from their family unless it is the last resort?

I completely disagree. She doesn't want the baby and would resent its very existence. That would certainly have permanent consequences on the child. You will not persuade me otherwise.

It's not you who needs to be persuaded is it. She gets 6 weeks after the baby is born before making a final adoption decision. She willingly conceived this life.

Some women change their minds after giving birth and meeting their baby. Either way she has time to discuss with her family which is what she needs to do asap.

What she should resent is not the baby but being put into this position by her so called "friends" who have left her high and dry. Most entitled to resentment is the baby who didn't ask to be conceived and now could be raised by strangers, not knowing either parent or extended families.

Late replies due to thread being shared on other social media.

Anyone assuming OP is not real just because she hasn't replied to comments didn't bother reading her post very closely "I've never posted on here before, its not my thing..."

She's a lurker, has never posted before, maybe never comments elsewhere don't expect to hear back. Doesn't mean she's not genuine.

She may well change her mind and that is her right hence the 6 weeks. If she wants the baby that's great but if she really doesn't she shouldn't be persuaded against her will or made to feel guilty. The so called friends are the real guilty parties.