Pregnant as a surrogate and the intended parents have changed their minds

[ConfusedandscaredHELP]

Hi everyone,

So I've never posted on here before, its not my thing...
But basically..
I agreed to be a surrogate for a friend who is in a same sex relationship...
It was a spur of the moment thing, yes I know thst sounds stupid as I've created a life, but I saw how much they longed for a child ...

Anyway the short version, I'm now pregnant ( quite far 😭 and they've decided they aren't ready for a child now!!

Well, neither am I!! 😭😭😭
Im petrified of giving birth, and then being stuck with a baby I dont want or dont feel any bond for as I drummed it into my head its not my baby.

Is it possible to find a couple now to take the baby or too late???

My family dont even know as I dont live too close and we are always in touch but via phones etc ... please help!
I really cant and dont want this baby, im sorry for people desperate for their own child as I feel horrible and selfish!!
I don't want to go down the social services adoption route as the poor baby is going to think it wasn't wanted and just taken when that wasn't the case. It wss planned and was a special helping beautiful gift for a couple that obviously couldn't have their own child

Any ideas???
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Kc
😖😖😖😖😖😖😖
Thanks for reading
Sorry if I offend anyone. I know how special and precious it is to be able to be pregnant, im Sorry

What would you suggest then?

Wow, so sorry, what a terrible situation. I think adoption is the only route. If you gave baby to a different couple how would hou know without SS involvement that they are decent people?
Not sure about legal route, whether you can take the "friends" couple to court. I hope it get good advice here

There is a key question here about sperm surely. Whose was it??

Agree 100% Human life isn't a commodity to be passed around from pillar to post.
Such irresponsible behaviour.

Sincerely hoping this whole story is just a story, but if not, how can OP be so stupid as to not realise this fact?

Of course she has to go “the social services route” - this (hypothetical) baby IS unwanted by all involved.

This only works if one of the parties is the biological parent.

OP is talking about giving away a baby to a non-related 3rd party as neither want the baby - this is definitely illegal in the UK without a formal adoption process either through social services or a registered adoption agency. UK law requires surrogacy agreement involving non-biological parents has a formal adoption of the baby and a new birth certificate issued.

You can't just give away (or sell) children in the UK to anyone who you choose. It's considered child trafficking. The child also has rights to know of their biological parentage,

I would have thought a midwife would have known this.

You are pregnant with a baby you don't want so the baby is unwanted.
Your options seem to be a late termination (depending how pregnant you are) adoption or keeping your child.
You clearly have made mistakes here and are going to have to deal with the consequences.

• How old are you?
• Have you already had your own children?
• How pregnant are you? (6 weeks or 26 weeks?)
• who are the biological parents (eg egg and sperm)

Presumably you did this is for 2 gay men and one is the father because otherwise between 2 lesbians surely one could give birth??

I’m sorry op but I would be telling so called friends they can’t change there mind it’s not a bloody couch they are the parents no matter. Op what you done for them this huge kind favour and they change their mind sorry but I would be in touch saying once baby is born it’s their responsibility and they have to find an alternative how dare they just fucking change their mind I seriously would not let them do this to you.

I'm so sorry, you have been put in an awful position by your so-called friends.
Start by making a midwife appointment and telling them everything.

Of course I know you can't just give babies away.

I was sharing my experience that women can easily get pregnant either for themselves or as a surrogate without having to go through a clinic or ivf.

In the case of the surrogate, she very sadly delivered at 28 weeks and the baby did not survive. The male of the couple she was being a surrogate for was the biological father. Im not sure what the long term plans were but I believe it may have been for his wife to adopt the baby.

Well the baby isn’t wanted is it, poor little scrap. Contact your local council, they will have specialist social workers who will be delighted to have a new born to offer to a loving family and will talk you through the process.

Your friends are scum btw.

Ooops, though I was on Mumsnet, turns out this is Reddit.

This cannot be real. But if it is you should be ashamed of yourself. Humans babies are not pets to be trafficked.

And this is why surrogacy shouldn't exist.

This might be a good plan?

Ultimately you are in the same position as any other woman with an unwanted pregnancy. You either have to keep the baby and raise it or give it up for adoption through social services (assuming your too far along to terminate)

The baby is unwanted, and you can't magically change that. You can only make the best of a pretty shitty situation for the child now. Realistically the baby getting adopted by an unknown couple is no different than being adopted by the men it was presumably intended for, and yes they may feel their biological parents didn't want them but at least they can have a family that does love and want them, don't create more of a mess for this child by not going through the proper channels

What do you suggest then, eBay? Swap baby for a Westlife CD?

Ultimately you are in the same position as any other woman with an unwanted pregnancy. You either have to keep the baby and raise it or give it up for adoption through social services (assuming your too far along to terminate)

The baby is unwanted, and you can't magically change that. You can only make the best of a pretty shitty situation for the child now. Realistically the baby getting adopted by an unknown couple is no different than being adopted by the men it was presumably intended for, and yes they may feel their biological parents didn't want them but at least they can have a family that does love and want them, don't create more of a mess for this child by not going through the proper channels

What would you do then? Leave it on the doorstep, ring the bell and run?

Legally in the UK you are the mother and any intended parents have to adopt the baby.

If you keep the baby the biological father can be pursued for maintenance.
You can give the baby up for adoption via social services and they will support you.
If you have a surrogacy contract you can try to enforce this in a county court.

For anyone else thinking about doing this, do get a surrogacy contract and ensure it spells out what happens in the event of the prospective parents backing out.

Not necessary

same sex could be men.

so it’s op egg and a turkey baster with one of the men’s sperm

till @ConfusedandscaredHELP comes back and says more won’t know

You have to have the baby adopted, there is no other option here.

A lot of the replies you've had are very cruel. Babies are born in all sorts of awful circumstances, Mother Nature made it very easy for babies to be conceived. I would much rather be an 'unwanted ' baby from your situation than a lot of the alternatives I can think of, indeed in preference to my own situation as a baby born to a schoolgirl after a fumble behind the local cinema.

So take a breath, contact your midwife and start to make plans. A childless couple somewhere will be very glad of your mistake.

Is it possible to find a couple to take the baby?

You obviously can’t just give a baby away to some random couple.

Exactly.