Pregnant as a surrogate and the intended parents have changed their minds

[ConfusedandscaredHELP]

Hi everyone,

So I've never posted on here before, its not my thing...
But basically..
I agreed to be a surrogate for a friend who is in a same sex relationship...
It was a spur of the moment thing, yes I know thst sounds stupid as I've created a life, but I saw how much they longed for a child ...

Anyway the short version, I'm now pregnant ( quite far 😭 and they've decided they aren't ready for a child now!!

Well, neither am I!! 😭😭😭
Im petrified of giving birth, and then being stuck with a baby I dont want or dont feel any bond for as I drummed it into my head its not my baby.

Is it possible to find a couple now to take the baby or too late???

My family dont even know as I dont live too close and we are always in touch but via phones etc ... please help!
I really cant and dont want this baby, im sorry for people desperate for their own child as I feel horrible and selfish!!
I don't want to go down the social services adoption route as the poor baby is going to think it wasn't wanted and just taken when that wasn't the case. It wss planned and was a special helping beautiful gift for a couple that obviously couldn't have their own child

Any ideas???
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Kc
😖😖😖😖😖😖😖
Thanks for reading
Sorry if I offend anyone. I know how special and precious it is to be able to be pregnant, im Sorry

Everyone saying peoole Will be happy to adopt. What about that poor innocent baby. This is why we must always have regulations around surrogacy.

It is your baby... you can send the baby for adoption if you are not willing to be his or her mother. Sad situation you jumped into! Never do that again if they try and ask...

Agree its awful. People just not accepting their lot ( infertility, same sex couples...)

A childless couple somewhere will be very glad of your mistake.

Hopefully a couple who have little enough concern for the welfare of the baby to be “glad of your mistake” will get weeded out of the adoption process fairly early on.

Surely there is drawn legal agreement with people who already are legally responsible for the child if is born alive....

Not necessarily. Theres traditional surrogacy and gestational surrogacy. Traditional surrogacy requires no treatment, hospital involvement prior to the pregnancy etc

There are no legally binding documents in UK surrogacy.

No you have to adopt. The mother, the women given.birth has legal responsibility and a birth certificate is made in her name.

The only person legally responsible is the mother. And the father, but only financially. OP is the mother.

Who are the biological mum and dad?

Is there any kind of legal contract or money changed hands?!

I would seek legal advice depending on the above….

Private adoption isn’t legal in the UK, so this isn’t an option unfortunately

Just like to point out that if this is real, the OP is posting on a public forum that she is seeking alternative parents for her unwanted child and anyone-literally anyone-could be reading and PM her. As she went into this surrogacy on the spur of the moment and won't consider the safe option of contacting local authority adoption services, I would not set any store by her current decision making

Hence reporting.

If this is the UK and you know whose sperm it is, the legal route is CMS (otherwise adoption).
[ETA I'd love to hear from a lawyer whether there might be a contractual or fraud remedy too]

You don’t think people who have gone through the process of adoption will be glad to have a baby to adopt? Strange take!

Wow, from someone who was a surrogate for a family member you ignorance is astounding. “Human trafficking”

Gosh, I dont even understand how this can happen. Isn't there a lot of counselling etc involved? You cant just get pregnant and decide your mates are going to adopt the baby. There would be guards in place to handle a situation where the intended other parents "change their minds".

How can you think its just a case of let's find another set of parents without SS?

This sounds really really unusual.

The only options are keeping the baby and potentially pursuing the father for maintenance or contacting social services if you wish to have the baby adopted but you will have no say in who to baby goes to.

Do you have anything in writing at all? If you decided to keep the baby and later on they change their mind back you need proof for the courts as to why they are not fit to have custody. I wouldn’t trust them at all after this .

You should seek urgent counselling to help you come to a decision

That is the reality of what the OP is talking about - looking for parents outside the structure of Social Services?
Outside of the occasional woman having a baby for a sister etc, commercial surrogacy is precisely that - a trade in babies. How on earth we've allowed it to flourish in a civilised society is a mystery.

f

Doesn’t it just…

I really think the only way in this case is the social services adoption route if you are not willing to raise the child. This is why surrogacy is fraught with problems. Now a child has been created that nobody wants. I don't blame you as you thought you were doing a nice thing. Who is the father?

In 'proper' 'official' surrogacy of course there's more involved (although I use commas as commercial surrogacy is not legal in the UK) but there's absolutely nothing stopping a woman and a man making a baby the usual way with the intention that the man will raise the baby alone (+/- another partner of either sex), or use a turkey baster to get the women pregnant. Is that a wise thing to do, of course not. Is there a total lack of legal, emotional, practical, financial protection for all involved, not least the baby, absolutely. But has that ever stopped people making stupid decisions? But I think we'll see a lot more of it along with unregulated sperm donation that seems to be an increasingly common thing too, to do things 'properly' (again inverted commas as there's a lot of questions over whether surrogacy can ever be a right thing) obviously costs a lot of money and is beyond the reach of many, whereas persuading a friend or random stranger to do it for free is pretty accessible...

What do you suggest, realistically? The OP can't go back in time and not do it. The 'friends' who used her don't want the baby. She isn't ready for a baby herself. What other options are there?

Edit: There seems to be some suggestion of an 'informal' adoption. If there is an adoption at all it should be through Social Services.

That’s absolutely appalling on the parents part. Are you sure you couldn’t cope with the baby? Adoption is the only route then really.

Irrespective of whose egg it was, the baby is biologically the OPs because she’s gestating it. That’s why legally she’d be the mother even if the surrogacy went ahead, until the formalities were resolved.

Sorry OP what a situation. Your options are really keep the baby, relinquish for adoption, or abort if you have time.

Surrogacy agreements are not enforceable in the UK.