Pregnant as a surrogate and the intended parents have changed their minds

[ConfusedandscaredHELP]

Hi everyone,

So I've never posted on here before, its not my thing...
But basically..
I agreed to be a surrogate for a friend who is in a same sex relationship...
It was a spur of the moment thing, yes I know thst sounds stupid as I've created a life, but I saw how much they longed for a child ...

Anyway the short version, I'm now pregnant ( quite far 😭 and they've decided they aren't ready for a child now!!

Well, neither am I!! 😭😭😭
Im petrified of giving birth, and then being stuck with a baby I dont want or dont feel any bond for as I drummed it into my head its not my baby.

Is it possible to find a couple now to take the baby or too late???

My family dont even know as I dont live too close and we are always in touch but via phones etc ... please help!
I really cant and dont want this baby, im sorry for people desperate for their own child as I feel horrible and selfish!!
I don't want to go down the social services adoption route as the poor baby is going to think it wasn't wanted and just taken when that wasn't the case. It wss planned and was a special helping beautiful gift for a couple that obviously couldn't have their own child

Any ideas???
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Kc
😖😖😖😖😖😖😖
Thanks for reading
Sorry if I offend anyone. I know how special and precious it is to be able to be pregnant, im Sorry

It's more likely the couple of both male. Can you confirm @ConfusedandscaredHELP ?

This is why surrogacy should be banned.

You created a child with the intention of deliberately bereaving it of its mother. Which is wicked enough in itself.

But now everyone involved in creating this child has decided they don't want it. It's honestly despicable and I struggle to find any sympathy for anyone except the child.

You don't say exactly how pregnant you are. But your options are that you terminate if possible, or contact Social Services to arrange an adoption. As a pp has already said - anything else will be human trafficking. As if surrogacy wasn't already a form of human trafficking.

Yes quite. What is the alternative? You are either stuck with a poor baby you don't want or you can try to foist it onto its father/partner who don't want it.

I'm not saying adoption is easy/ideal but it is probably the only way for the poor lamb to have a loving family and the sooner the better. One if my best friends is adopted (she was a "foundling" so knows absolutely nothing about her birth parents) and she's one of the loveliest most sorted people you can imagine.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

They don't necessarily have to be male but quite possibly are.

As a midwife I cared for a lady who was pregnant and providing surrogacy for a couple who could not get pregnant. It most definitely wasn't a legal or protected arrangement. She was pregnant with the man's sperm via the good ole turkey baster. It did not end well.

As a health visitor I have 2 women on my caseload who have also inseminated themselves via this method. One mum has done it twice with the sperm of a male friend who was happy to provide it. The other is a single mum who "bought" the sperm. Both wanted children but did not wish a relationship. No clinics, ivf or any kind of legal protection involved.

That’s awfu of them but I think you will be able to find parents to adopt it but you need to go down the official route

How far along are you OP?

Contact local adoption agencies, speak with your midwife and ask for their advice here - if they don’t know, ask them to discuss it with colleagues.

You must be in a blind panic. Try to calmly explore options. Write them down so you know what you are looking at so it doesn’t spiral in your head and systematically tick off the list (adoption agencies, fostering etc).

Would any part of you like to keep the baby? I think in the UK the baby is legally yours regardless of genetics as you have carried the baby (I haven’t looked at this for a few years now). Would you be able to talk with any supportive family members about this?

Banning surrogacy wouldn't have helped in this case, most likely, as this isn't actually surrogacy (i.e., with actual discussions and paperwork). Just someone getting pregnant (by unknown method) and planning to hand a baby over (with no discussions about how this would actually happen).

This is what happens when human lives are treated as commodities.

What do you mean the baby will think it is 'unwanted'?
It IS unwanted.
If this post is real everything about it is despicable and I have absolutely no sympathy for any of the adults involved.

That poor child.

Yep I think this is what happened, op might update us or maybe it's not true

Have you seen your GP at all since the beginning of pregnancy?

You don’t need us to tell you that it was an extremely unwise arrangement. Do you have anything in writing at all?

You must contact the midwifery team asap to get the ball rolling if you’re sure about giving up the baby. I would also get some counselling for yourself so that you feel as well supported as you can be, and make decisions that are the right ones for the baby and yourself.

OP had made one post. OP isn’t answering any questions.

Stop wasting time on it

This has happened, usually because the baby is disabled, though.

Yeah, I don't think I will post anything else on here until the OP posts again with a few more details.

This is not ‘a beautiful gift’. It is a human being that has been created by people who want a child to validate their feelings. Not a single thought on the fact that surrogacy is actually human trafficking writ large.
OP, you need to contact social services asap to put the wheels (n motion for adoption. You talk about not wanting the baby to think no one wanted it, but that’s precisely what has happened - no one does want it. Not it’s father, nor it’s mother. At least an adoptive couple should in theory want this baby.

In case this is real, tell your MW, OP. She will be able to get you support to understand the options and consider what you want to do. You don’t have to rush into a decision on your own.

Tell your midwife and get arrangements in place for the baby to be fostered from birth and then adopted.

This is very messy, legally as well as morally. You can't just give a child away. If you won't keep it, you need to go through social services.

Treating children as gifts to pass around is a very poor practice.

You are legally the child's mother and will need to contact social services for advice.

Your “friends “ should be prosecuted and chucked in jail.

And any kind of surrogacy should be illegal.

Either you keep the child or you put it up for adoption.

No she put their sperm in her

if this is true, then there are so many people who are desperate to have their own children and I'm sure that social services would easily match the baby to a family. If you have never had a baby, then you may find that you actually have abond with the child and want to keep them yourself. I think that surragacy should be banned because the welfare of the child is never considered.