Just Surf, feat Lost and The Small Mercies

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Hello and welcome to our support thread for anyone struggling with cocaine. Whether you want to quit, cut down or are someone whose life is affected, all welcome.
We offer non judgemental advice, tips, some silly chat and most importantly lots of support and encouragement.

Come and join and we'll all help each other surf the urges!

Wowzers Charlie that is a wake up call.
In a way as you say it was lucky you got that bad batch as it has given you a wake up call you needed.
I'm sorry to hear about your DH and friend and hope they feel better?
I hope you have a nice, calm new year

Slipped overboard again

I am blaming the Xmas period as I currently do not even know what fucking day it is

Big respect to all who have managed to avoid slipping- I knew Xmas was going to be a challenge but vow to be clean as of jan1st

Am currently walking the street trying to find a shop that’s open cos we run out of tags

Can I adk😀- do any of you have kids?

Mine are older now but I still feel like I am letting them down

Morning all - Charlie that is a huge wake up call. Jesus!!

Tantrum and Lost how you both doing today?

Was sooooo tempted last night. Still on board though.

Feeling more human after my second early night in a row. I'm too old for the rock and roll lifestyle!

Tantrums hope you're ok. I can understand. Staying clean takes loads of effort and Christmas can be the perfect excuse to think, Fuck it, give in to it. I went on the same trip but regretting it now.

I have kids; the oldest are teens now. When they were small I stayed clean for years. It's over the last several years that my habits crept back.
Anyway, New year, New start so let's cheer each other on.

Good luck tonight surfers. I'm planning to stay in!

That sounds awful Charlie. I'd be very wary of buying it reduced price. Sounds very suspect to me. Some dealers can be callous arseholes you do have to be so careful.
Glad you're using that experience to boost your motivation though

I'm having a quiet evening in with wine. Not sure I'll even last til midnight..so tired

Happy New Year All

Hello lovely surfettes. Started a post this morning then lost the damn thing. So here goes with an update. Surfed through Xmas as was away and had none. Got back two days ago and have a bit left in the shoe which I'll be amazed if I don't take later on. NYE is one if the few nights that DP will indulge too so I won't feel sneaky like I normally do.

My pledge is to try not to buy in 2018. For newbies , I've come a long way since disastrous posts when I was using every other day on Work nights all begin my family's back and being a grumpy shitty parent. Lots of booze on top which I also need to tackle if I'm honest.

This thread has kept me sane it's been a light in the crazy secret dark place of addiction and also helped me have a laugh when I've felt like crying.

I think that the urges are driven by the desire to get out of it - out of humdrum responsible tedious workaday family life, daily job , daily grind , and a fast track to feeling good that you would have to work damn hard for via eg exercise

But the downsides are hideous moods, waking feeling like shit, shame, guilt, wasted time and money and behaving like a cunt and possibly even not knowing it.

Highlight of this year for me includes sharing it with all of you : let's not forget the flirting weve done with yoga tim , the coach trips we've planned to Columbia, and the silly band names borne of our collective musings. They are too many to name!

On a serious note ( I'm all over the place tonight!) I don't want to die of an early heart attack or have my kids nurse me through substance related dementia so here is to a drug free 2018. Gulp.

Love you all 💚

Oh - and Happy New Year 😘

What a lovely post Ponz, you're enthusiasm for surfing is infectious.
I laughed remembering our demented flirting with yoga Tim, poor man
Glad you're feeling determined for the year ahead..

You're so right, it is hard work staying off it but hopefully we can help each other. This thread has kept me sane through some dark times feeling desperate and also made me laugh and helped me keep afloat.
Go us!

Oh Ponz, you've actually made me want to cry.

This thread has been great. No other bunch would have understood oven dishgate, organised a coach trip to Columbia, waved arm bands.

You've all been great this year. Happy New Year to you all. You all mean a lot to me.

Feeling the love! Tissues for Serial. How could I forget you innocently collecting an oven dish and walking into a drug fuelled party I think that could only happen to you. MNHQ weren't happy with us that day! Oops.

Bit tipsy here but I'm not being an idiot which is refreshing. Have a good one people x

Happy New Year you lovely lovely lot! 😘😘

I echo everything you've just said Ponz, Lost and Serial. Have been trying to think of something deep and meaningful to say myself but have had a few glasses of champagne on top of antibiotics and can barely see!

Thanks for all your support and for making me laugh and laugh on so many occasions and for holding me up when I've been at my worst - remember the head to toe horrors

Love you all lots and here's to a clean and sensible 2018. We can do this.... xxxx

I've surfed to 2018!!

Well done serial. First balls of steel award to you. Enjoy the smug tree. I feel like I've been run over.

I'm limping over the finish line

Managed to surf last night with copious amounts of alcohol so a semi success

Hope everyone's feeling better. I don't envy that feeling Ponz hope you're resting up.

Hello 2018. Shiny New Surfboard for everyone

Well done lost! Huge amounts of alcohol happened here last night. I have vague memories of a conga up my road.

Haha Conga flashbacks whatever next. At least you got some exercise!

Aiming for an early night as Urghh Work Tomorrow. Christmas seemed to pass in a blur. Hope my brain still works.

I don't even know where my brain is!

Hi there

Posting here in the hope I won't be judged

DP has admitted cocaine problem. We both have a night on it once every few months (when the DC are staying with the other parents for the weekend) but he has admitted he takes it behind my back and he needs help.

I am struggling with his lies and have asked him to leave me alone while I think about it. I feel bad leaving him in the lurch but I have worked out all the times he's lied to me and I feel so angry.

I know how wrong it is to take cocaine especially as a mother, and I want to come off it completely - if I never see a wrap again I would be happy. He says the same, but how can I believe someone who has lied to me so much in the past?

Can anyone talk to me about this?

I can understand your anger about the lies - my DH would be the same. However it does sound like his use has escalated. Do you know how much he's been using?

I'd be inclined to say to him that if he wants your support to reduce/stop then he needs to be 100% honest going forward.

Thank you for answering, serial

I don't know exactly how much he's been using. It is something I will have to ask him when we eventually speak. He spends every evening with me during the week and all weekends too. So unless he is using in my house or at work - I don't know when he could be doing it. Except...

He just goes on these binges with a friend every once in a while - I know by him that he is lying about where he is going, and there's really no need. He doesn't keep in touch with me during these times and I get really upset and worried. I probably wouldn't even mind him doing it, if he just kept in some sort of contact, let me know where he is going. I have told him this, yet he went on another binge last week - which I think will be the end of us. This is when he admitted to having a problem and wanted professional help.

I don't know whether he is just saying that to deflect from the binge, and to shut me up IYSWIM?

How can I trust that he is being honest with me, when he has lied in the past?

That's the million dollar question isn't it? He could just be saying what he thinks you want to hear - but this is also a perfect opportunity to draw a line in the sand and establish firm boundaries.

I am to ending it

I can't imagine a life where I question everything he says and does

We did have such good times when we'd get on it the sex was explosive ..but I was coming to the end of this enjoyment and told him so. He would still insist on getting some every few months, and I would just partake anyway.

Maybe he knows I want to quit, and so didn't feel like he could tell me when he wanted to go on a bender.

I am wondering what type of questions to ask him when we meet for our "chat"

Hello niceday no judgement here but huge sympathy. What an awful shock for you. I agree, it's the lying that's the worst thing really, it makes you question everything.

As someone who struggles staying off it I do understand his behaviour to a degree in that I can be susceptible to huge binges where all common sense and sense of time flies out the window. I think you're right- his occasional disappearances with his friend are exactly that- coke benders.

The glimmer of hope in this mess is that he has finally been honest with you. Serial's right he's got to be transparent. About everything, including finances.
I don't know why he's chosen now to be truthful. It could be through fear that he 'll lose you. Establishing what kind of professional help he wants is a start. That's a huge step. There are various groups that he can access, including online programmes. There are posters on here that can point you in the right direction for that. I wonder if he doesn't think he actually needs a programme but is saying that to appease you?

For now though you don't have to make big decisions. Your world's just tipped upside down so taking some time away from him is a good idea. I'm a firm believer in actions rather than words so he needs to prove to you he wants to change.

It's fucking hard to change so he has to want it but it doesn't sound as though his habit is completely out of control. He can go long periods without it which is a good sign.

I hope I've helped. I'm not an expert at all. I'm so sorry you're going through this, hope you're alright