Just Surf, feat Lost and The Small Mercies

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Hello and welcome to our support thread for anyone struggling with cocaine. Whether you want to quit, cut down or are someone whose life is affected, all welcome.
We offer non judgemental advice, tips, some silly chat and most importantly lots of support and encouragement.

Come and join and we'll all help each other surf the urges!

Fell off big time last night but feeling full of resolve today. Dh and I had a loooong talk and agree this is stupid.

To be fair, given that we used to get high everyday, I'm glad that even just doing it once a week makes us feel crap about ourselves.

Hi ladies, hope your all ok, I’m now established as a ‘lady’ in my 40’s asshole other half would dispute the lady bit!!!!!! I’ve managed two days puke up food free and feeling ok despite asshole saying ‘your so dumb’ in front of my/our nearly 6 year old tonight (over a bit of Lego!!!). To ashamed of this episode tell anyone in RL about this, he’s a twat! Hope that language doesn’t offend!!!!!!

I think life is effing hard and we all have a vice!!!!

Well done you two. Life is not easy and vice is nice. But long term it’s not the answer. Bit French here. But giggling a bit that these blokes are being finally held to account for being sex pests. Finally!!!!

Slightly French here too. No wise words for anyone - let's all just keep on. Bad language is allowed R. Hope tomorrow is better.

Hello. When does it start to sink in that we’re All screwed? New to here but lurked for a while. Also drink too much wine. Single parent of 3 and just wonder if I’m ever going to be ‘normal’ ever??

Welcome Chucky You are normal honey but I know it doesn’t feel it in the grip of addiction when it feels like you need a fix to feel ok. What changes to you want to make?

Went stupidly overboard last night. Dh came home with some and I didn't even consider resisting.
Feeling fucked up this morning. What am I doing.
Welcome Chucky we're all striving to be normal (with varied success ). Have a surfboard.

Has our alternative care home got a recovery room with beds and comforting nurses? I think I need to admit myself.

Admitting you for tea and hugs lost. It’s so easily done. Be kind to yourself today.

I know I keep saying it and it must be really annoying for those whose DPs show up with it but if you don’t buy it you can’t take it.

I suppose you’d have to ban your partners in crime , whether they be DPs, mates , mr rehabs, bringing it home/ to wherever you may be. Dunno how feasible that is tho.

Thanks for the tea and hugs. You're a kind soul Ponz

You're right of course. I swing from thinking dh and I can be a good influence on each other to realising that if one of us wants to get messed up we will drag the other down with us. I don't put up much resistance I'm ashamed to admit and that has to change.
Coke has become all tangled up in our relationship almost without me realising.

Besides I've had enough of hauling myself through the day wishing the day would end. It's such a waste of life!

I know what you mean lost!! I told dh that the white lady like the fucking 3rd person in our marriage ffs.

Hugs

Hi Chucky and welcome

Good analogy! Blooming white lady keeps popping up, sucking the life out of us and convincing us to spend all our money on her. I'm going off the woman

How are feeling now lost?

Feeling like a shell of a person really. And an idiot.

Hope you're getting to grips with the gaping now.

*vaping! Argh I can't even write today.

Dh and I are going shopping after work as ds has a play date.

Looking forward to having something to show for my money (and looking vaguely hot for dh while we are at dinner/home alone with no white lady to distract us from each other)

I'm really sorry for the overshare it's just been such a long time since I've actually looked forward to spending an afternoon/evening out with him. The last time was in the summer I think. I really resent how much coke has dulled my excitement about things that actually matter.

I'll shut up now

Enjoy your evening Cleaning That sounds great.

Completely agree that coke dulls our excitement about things that matter. That exhilarating high makes everything else seem a bit flat. Which is messed up.

Can't wait to get home. I think I've overdosed on coffee and sugar today.

I'm impressed that you made it in to work!

Cleaning - know exactly what you mean about the excitement thing.

Hope you've got your feet up Lost.

We bought loads of new clothes for the three of us, some stuff for the flat and some more skin care stuff for me

All for less than the cost of 2g... it's nuts

Oh also got an electric toothbrush cos I'm sure the gear and cigs must be fucking up my teeth and I'm scared!!

Hi guys... I’m still alive! Ha... enjoying reading your posts. Can relate to soooo much of it. Sorry to hear been some slips but well done ponzu you’re an inspiration to us all! I had a party on Friday. Ended up having quite a few friends over (more than planned) and didn’t hesitate to start calling dealers. I’m not gonna lie it was really fun. Had an awesome night. Managed to take kids away at weekend and even went swimming early Sunday morning. Was just thinking how good it felt, my aching body must have been crying out for some excercise. So was just thinking about all the nice things you can do that make you feel good... I wrote a list ha. And then my partner came home on Monday with a bottle of wine for me. I was like I’m so going to drink this like a normal person without looking for coke. Ended up ringing a few people at abiut 10pm.:: on a bloody Monday night! Luckily couldn’t get anything. Got too pissed and fell asleep eventually... so on Tuesday I drank a couple of beers and thought fuck it... I’m not at work on wednesdah so I’m gonna have a little party on my own (how sad) so I rang a guy who said he could get some... I transferred him £65 to get me it and a bottle of wine and some fags... and guess what... he never turned up. Turned his phone off instead. Never felt so awful in my life. Nobody else could get any that was my only chance and it was gone. Scared the life out of me how much I wanted it. Enough to make me open my book again and start reading. I cried a lot that night... and fell asleep on the couch physically and emotionally exhausted. Cuddled my kids and cried... just really had a moment of what the fuck? Is this what its come to? It actually helped me so much. I even got my money back the next day. It’s sitting in a drawer now and I’m thinking of all the things I could buy with it. And last night and tonight I barely craved the stuff. It’s like I have more power over that switch now... that someone was talking about earlier. Been forced to go without after the excitement of thinking I was getting some has given me some kind of power! Don’t want to speak to soon but think it’s the start of something good for me. I’m the same in that I start craving around 5pmish.:. But 6 days clean now and I’m away all weekend so feeling positive so far... good luck for the weekend everyone. Sorry for my ridiculously long post... lying in bed wide awake thinking about my ephinany ha... and all the money in my bank! :-)

Just read what you said lost about coke dulling excitement of things that matter. It’s so true and I had a moment listening to music in my car today where I thought this feels so nice... songs that remind you of your past... will those feelings completely vanish and memories be lost if I keep doing what I’m doing?! Just a thought... night all

Evening all

Love your small epiphany Ping! The more times you can sit out the cravings, the more confident you'll be in doing this. I'm the same- early evening is the worst time for me but it gets easier if I can ride that out.

After my midweek blip I'm feeling very determined to surf this weekend. Going to watch the fireworks at our local but won't be purchasing any rocket fuel for myself.

Hope everyone has virtuous plans for the weekend. Arm bands on as we enter The Danger Zone. .

Currently sipping a glass of wine and shopping for a cake whisk online as mine broke

Armbands for all xx

Morning all, hope we all managed to surf last night?