Is 'dont wear white for a wedding' known about other than on here?

[LeopardPrintFleece]

I've always known it's not the thing to do but now I wonder if I read it on here - been here a looooong time!

I only ask because my DD's MIL is apparently wearing predominantly white for their wedding and DD thinks she doesnt know it's inappropriate. DD does know but possibly from listening to me!

FWIW neither of us are particularly bothered - I dont think it's like one of those MILs you see in the DM where it looks like an actual wedding dress but I wonder if other guests will be a bit 😯

Oh gosh, I remember seeing photos like that. Never really clicked on it until you just mentioned it. The bridal party were all in white/cream. It looked so beautiful. (Can't recall seeing the DM and MIL involved though...might be a step too far)

Bridesmaids in ivory/white is actually reality traditional. Traditionally the bridesmaids dressed similar to the bride to confuse the spirits.

The red think is the scarlet woman trope.

i think the white thing has become more of an issue/thing since wedding dresses became more informal. If you wore a white dress in the 80s you were still very unlikely to look like the bride given the size of dresses that were popular then whereas now if you wear a white long dress there is a chance you’ll have a similar dress to the bride.

one of my DD’s wore a calf length navy sparkly dress to a wedding recently and ended up mortified as she was wearing the exact same as the bridesmaids. That’s where the wedding colours being on invitations used to be handy as you could avoid that colour and avoid looking like a wannabe bridesmaid!

Basic social etiquette. Given the circumstances, I doubt she'll be mistaken for the bride. Other guests will probably raise an eyebrow though.

For as long as I can remember (and I'm old) white and cream are the bride's colours for the day. It isn't just a Mumsnet thing and it's the one wedding colour rule I do always follow.

The superstitions I ignore:
Don't wear black – it shows you disapprove of the marriage plus it's funereal
Don't wear green – it brings bad luck to the couple
Above all don't wear red – it's positive proof that you've shagged the groom

"i think the white thing has become more of an issue/thing since wedding dresses became more informal. If you wore a white dress in the 80s you were still very unlikely to look like the bride given the size of dresses that were popular then whereas now if you wear a white long dress there is a chance you’ll have a similar dress to the bride."

I agree with this, I also think it's happened more since you started being allowed to marry in places other than churches where dresses tended to be the full floor length huge white number and register offices where it was more likely to be a suit or cocktail dress but far fewer guests to get confused with, Now so many people marry in hotels, barns etc and there is a much greater variety of dresses worn and probably fewer wearing veils.

I wore a white dress with black piping and green flowers to a wedding when I was a teenager. Nobody told me not to and I still feel bad and I’m in my forties now! Not that anyone would have mistaken me for the tall stunning bride in her amazing gown.

one of my DD’s wore a calf length navy sparkly dress to a wedding recently and ended up mortified as she was wearing the exact same as the bridesmaids.

This is why I think there might have been some good sense behind the idea of there being a particular "style" of bridesmaid dress. It not only marks them out as bridesmaids, and what's the point of having them if they're not somehow made clear as bridal party members - but it avoids situations like this which can be embarrassing for guests.

I totally understand why people would prefer a more relaxed and informal vibe, it's a lovely idea and it seems very fashionable now (of course there have always been people who did it). But if this trend for brides and bridal party members deliberately not wearing traditional "bridal party" or "bride" styles gains traction, I think the very well established etiquette of not wearing white or similar will become more important, because the colour might well be the only thing that does mark the bride out as unique in the event, if the dress design is the same as everyone else.

I would have been offended if someone had worn white to my wedding, not because I feared being outshone or something (I'm far too easy to outshine to get stressed about it) but because it's such an established etiquette, so much not done, I would assume she was doing it on purpose in order to be rude.

MN is hopeless when it comes to weddings unless you lean waaay more traditional than any wedding I've been to. In my circle the prevailing attitude is that it's nice if guests make an effort - whatever that means for a particular individual - and almost without exception, people do. It's almost never more complicated than that. I can remember one 'please wear something colourful' request and one 'no hats' request.

My Dds Bridesmaids dresses were red 😂

It was always a thing, you don't show up the bride by wearing white, she is meant to stand out from everyone else not be in white in a sea of white.

A touch of white is OK particularly if you are not part of the main bride and grooms family and therefore not in all the photos.

It is a very commonly understood thing. And it has been that way for decades.

I'm even older, and I can't remember not knowing it. But in the US, it was always no all white, but prints, etc. with a white background have always been fine, especially in the Deep South where I live.

Black and red are also fine to wear at weddings in the US, black especially if the wedding is in the evening and the dress code is black tie or similar.

My cousin wore a mostly white outfit to my wedding and it raised a few eyebrows, even though I didn’t wear a white wedding dress myself. And no she had no idea what I was going to wear. Isn’t wearing all black a no no too? Though I went to an evening wedding in the US once and so many people wore back (as did the MOH) that I thought I must have missed some dress code on the invitation (I had not).

The same woman also didn’t give us a gift, but I guess that’s another thread (and she has money, and no animosity between us at all).

I think it comes from generations above (as so many things do). It was my mum who taught me about things like wedding etiquette, not Mumsnet. My MiL wore a cream suit which I did mention to DH when she told me about it and he'd never heard this rule, so I suspect that she genuinely didn't know. She wears black and cream a lot.
As it was, in 2010 black and white Coast dresses were all the rage so half of the 75 guests were in black with white trim or vice versa!

I wore white to my cousins wedding when I was about 19, I had no idea! I wore a knee length shift dress with daisies on it. The bride was absolutely stunning and I don’t think I looked at all like I was trying to be an arse, it was a guesty type
dress and just looked summery, not bridal at all. I’d be gutted to think anyone thought I was being a dick, genuinely had no clue til I came on here ten years later

here in the states if a woman wore white she'd be talked about forever and in unflattering terms. If the woman was a family member double the gossip-it would be a scandal.

It'd be seen as an intentional insult to the bride at a minimum.

I have never heard of not being able to wear green

of course it’s a thing not to wear white to a wedding. I call BS on this lady not knowing 🤣

In the UK it’s very well known! I was always told not to wear white, black or red to a wedding! I’ve met people that have never heard of there being an issue with black/ red - but everyone knows white is a no!

I'm mid 50s and the "don't wear white" has always been around. It has always been a social etiquette rule as far as I can remember because it avoids anyone else being mistaken for the bride. The bride has to stand out in a group as The Bride, and no mistaking it.

But it has NEVER and should never be taken to mean, say, a floral dress on a white background. That is frankly ridiulous. But plain white is a no-no that I thought everyone knew. I wouldn't risk a white trouser suit personally unless you know for sure what the bride will wear.

I wouldn't wear something like this strapless dress either, as when seated at a table or in a group photo with people in front all you'd see is the top half which would be very bridal.

It’s widely known and 100% not just on here! And your dd mil is a fool or lying if she claims she didn’t know! Only way it would be remotely acceptable is if the bride says so and/or she is wearing a different colour

think that's someone pulling our legs. it's not a thing.

I thought it was all white or mainly white, in here it’s any smidge of white, which I’m not sure is the rule

54 and never come across this outside MN.

This is modern etiquette, not something dating back hundreds of years. In my younger years, attending weddings with my former débutante stickler for traditional manners and etiquette mother, she never said a word on the occasions I wore outfits which would have everyone here horrified by their paleness.