Fuck what I can I wear to this wedding?

[dumpydumpydumpdump]

Son getting married this summer. Her mum is 6ft and slender. She's going to look incredible as MOB

I am short, fat (22-24) and with massive boobs. Like huge!

Feeling a bit panic stricken now.
Don't even know what I want to wear let alone find it.

I like patterns but don't want to look like upholstered armchair.
Like most colours, complexion is fair, mousy hair.

No overt cleavage on show. Calves also fecking hug3 so not too short.

Maybe hat. But I look silly in anything small because of massive boobs and tummy.

Arse also size of a small country.

I am perfectly happy with my size mostly, certainly no motivation to starve. But wtf am I going to wear? I'm going to let him down by looking fucking awful. I jus5 want something chic and comfortable.

Budget - not bothered. I was going to look at bombshell but they gone bust. All the MOB/MOG stuff seems to be for thin elegant Carole Middleton types. Love Carole btw. But I need something for a Miriam Margoles shape.

And another….
https://kaftanelegance.com/collections/kaftan/products/kaftan-elssa?variant=44124052848838

This style is lovely

https://www.scarlettandjo.com/collections/plus-size-wedding-guests-dresses/products/victoria-wine-velvet-flock-angel-sleeve-mesh-long-midi-dress?variant=48161850982708

I’m the same size as you and quite short with mousy colour hair. I had to go to my SIL wedding last year and that side of the family can be quite snobby so didn’t want to let my husband down. So I went to the hairdressers and got highlights to disguise the grey and after what felt like months of trying to find the right dress someone suggested Phase8. I didn’t know they did my size but I found the perfect dress in a deep burgundy (guests were asked to wear dark colours as was an Autumn wedding).
I now need somewhere else to wear it as I love it.

Have a look at jjshouse website. They do made to measure. I've used them. They do trouser suits etc. Highly recommended

Rixo? Kinda love this

rixolondon.com/products/tania-miami-floral-emerald

Another style you could go for as well is African things like this if you like bold prints, there’s lots of others on there too…..
www.heritageclothings.com/products/olori-orange-and-green-dress?variant=45432036688084

Or I think this one is a lovely cut
https://www.heritageclothings.com/products/antonia-mutlicolour-high-low-dress?variant=45575385448660

I have a friend who I think is about your size and shape, @dumpydumpydumpdump, and she has several of these which look genuinely lovely on her: https://onehundredstars.co.uk/collections/dresses?filter.p.m.custom.dress_shape=String+Dress

Oh my goodness, that's awful 😖

OP, maybe keep an eye on Live Unlimited as they restock for the summer. This is in the sale (not in your size) but I bet you’d be a knockout in something like it:

https://liveunlimitedlondon.com/products/abstract-floral-ruffle-shoulder-maxi-dress

Oh wow! These are so pretty.

Personally, considering OP's hair color and complexion I'd go with the Wine or the Blue. The colors really pop and I am sure would look lovely on OP.

Wine: https://www.scarlettandjo.com/products/verity-wine-ikat-print-maxi-gown?variant=44355016327476

Blue: https://www.scarlettandjo.com/products/verity-blue-ikat-print-maxi-gown?variant=44728670814516

@Ceecee2422 some of those are absolutely lovely. I am disappointed I have no reason to buy any.

@myladyjane that's a dress I have my eye on for my ds's wedding in July. Am giving myself till April on low carb/no booze diet and have joined the gym before I go trying on but in the meantime bought two dresses from Rixo in the sale - one I love, the other one is going straight back because the fabric is too flimsy (ds has a registry office wedding/lunch with v close family 2 days before the big event so two dresses - was hoping the one I've returned would fit the bill. You live and learn and returns are free.

I will say that as someone who is nearly 5'10'' both dresses are pretty long on me so not sure how they'd be on someone 5'2''.

This with a blazer gb.marinarinaldi.com/p-3221255106002-vanda-midnightblue

I'm with Arrivederla, that's a very unflattering dress on anyone, with or without a blazer.

maybe something like this?

of for green velvet something like this

https://www.simplybe.co.uk/shop/p/zt156?optionSize=26&utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic_shopping&utm_term=ZT156

^This with a blazer gb.marinarinaldi.com/p-3221255106002-vanda-midnightblue^

This really is a very unflattering dress for anybody let alone the MOG. Lots of lovely suggestions on here and I’m sure OP will find something she feels amazing in and her son will be very proud of her.

Advice should you need it OP.

It's not at all uncommon for brides to tell guests what people are wearing so there are few repeats. If you go for Phase 8 and there are some lovely examples posted, just ask her to tell guests to avoid.

Hats. I am big. A poncy little hat, typical of the High Street, looks fucking ridiculous. Try and find a hat hire and try everything on with your outfit.

Hair. Book in and have it done on the day, with your hat, extra relaxing points for make up too. Throw the kitchen sink at it because the photos will look fab.

Rather than a corsage that pins on, consider asking the florist for one for your wrist or even your bag. Anyone with skills will make that an amazing alternative.

For the love of God, don’t have flowers on your wrist

Depending on the kind of guest you’ve got come into your wedding you’ve gotta be really careful with anything from rixo

Why

Also, why are you so persistently rude and dismissive. Is it some odd NY resolution. If so, I'd strongly recommend you give it up.

As DM says, if you've nothing nice or constructive to say do fuck off. Succinct for her 89 years is DM.

For something really unique, have you looked at SooLinen?

www.soolinen.com/collections/elegant-chic?sort_by=best-selling

catatonique · Today 18:27

Depending on the kind of guest you’ve got come into your wedding you’ve gotta be really careful with anything from rixo

We're very much in the sticks but fair point.

For a wedding?

It really doesn't. The OP sounds perfectly happy in her skin!!