How to get motivated to be pretty again?

[MooFroo]

Hi all

been reading some of the s&b threads and I need help pls!

Im almost 50, almost 100kg and am realising how much I’ve let myself go in the last few years.

Im the fattest I’ve ever been. Had to show a 3 year old ID card to someone today and he did a double take and said I looked like a different person - stuck with me all day.

I have thinning hair so lots of skin showing on my scalp, and still can’t straighten my hair so it look nice. It’s either badly straightened or tied up which just makes me look even older - and the never ending greys don’t help! I home eye every few weeks

I have no fashion sense - just wear very safe and comfortable stuff (lots of black), and if it’s on sale then even better

I have frown lines on my forehead so look angry/grumpy all the time - when I’m the opposite personality wise!

I hadn’t realised how much work other people put into maintaining their looks l! Botox, fillers, microblading, facials etc - people I know spend spending a lot of time, money and effort on their looks and they look on it!

meanwhile I look shit and much older than them! I have the time and money but lack the motivation to actually do the work needed- mainly coz I’m not sure where to start and how to maintain it all.

1. I wear make up but stick to a few items that are easy to wear
2. basic skincare - night and day cream and foot cream
3. dye my grey eyebrows when I do my hair
4. and that’s about it tbh! What else do you 50 year olds do to look good?

I work from home a lot so don’t mix in public as much as I used to and just can’t be bothered to make the effort and lack confidence to try and experiment with new things

after the guys surprised look, I realised I’d seen it so many times before when people haven’t seen me for a while. Went out with a friend last week and we bumped into someone we both know who told her how great she always looks and just looked at me and sort of smirked - as if to imply I looked shit.

pls help with any advice or ideas that are fairly easy to action

thanks so much xx

Well done @suki1964 !

Thank you @suki1964 x

I think you are right about the perfect storm! I keep waiting for a BIG aha lightbulb and even things like diabetes diagnosis didn’t do it - why am I waiting for something bigger than a serious health condition!
?

I think the smaller steps is the way to go but it’s almost too easy therefore easy NOT to do as well. I’m realising that I’m about the big grand stuff - I like the idea of it but don’t do it!

Have tried to set goals, even created a spreadsheet to track goals and results etc but I’ve never managed to stick to it.

-i have made the dentist appt re implants
-arranged new contact lens trial
booked a reflexology treatment next week
booked a hike for the end of the month with a group I joined
made a doctor appt to discuss weight loss jabs - I’m happy to try them and get some of this weight off

am away at the moment and will be joining gym when back to do a morning class and swim - I need the benefits of exercise to help with overall health levels as well as weight loss

Thanks to all who’ve responded and shared so openly x

All or nothing, and you are setting yourself up to fail

I knew the son was getting married, knew in the first lockdown, and it just seemed so far away,I had LOADS of time for sure. Hell I was certain we would never even be able to afford to get to Australia ( where he lives ) so I really convinced myself we werent going so why put myself through it all for a non event.

Then he changed the Venue to Italy, holy f, I had to go. A stone loss would put me in a large 14 or small 16, was doable in 5 months so thats what I aimed for

If I can offer some advice? Dont scatter your energy and enthusiasm too thinly

Concentrate on the BMI and the (pre) diabetes, get your eating sorted, and believe me when you get that first stone off, you will see huge changes in you. Not just scale wins, your face shape will start changing so to embark on anything drastic right now really may not be the best time. Same as battering it out at the gym. Sure exercise is great for the heart and body tone, but until you get your eating sorted, you will be running on empty and will be reaching for the foods you are trying to to kick to the curb.

Seriously the changes in my skin and hair have been drastic now Im clean eating (90% of the time anyways ) Im pumping the veg in me after being a veg dodger most of my life. Cant say I love it, but Im finding ways of getting it in me. My diet no longer has space for bread. I so loved bread, couple or 3 slices of cold toast for breakfast, with the cold butter sliced on top of it, more bread for lunch, and because I wouldn't be fussed on potatoes, Id mop the plate up with even more bread and I would swear blind Id eat very little. Now my plates are full - but full of veg, some meat/protein and a normal serving of carbs ( still cant do potatoes but I do love roasted sweet potato and squash ) The red face and dry scaly skin has done and just getting and keeping the eyebrows shaped has taken years off. The improvement in skin tone and texture ( with the skincare regime ) means make up stays and looks pretty bloody good ( last wedding I went to, I had taken the lot off by time we got to the church as it was sliding off ) My hair that needed washing and blow drying at least once a day, I can go three days now

Use your energy on getting that diet fixed and as time moves on,and the new habits become more natural, then start adding the gym, the swimming, the good hair style, the new skin routine, just hold off on the invasive procedures a while yet

Thanks mum :)

yes I’m all or nothing with ideas but nothing with the execution and actually doing all the stuff I think about

I hear you and know you are right - will definitely take your advice on board - thank you!!

Sorry, I dont mean to come across as a nag. I just see so much of you in me - or is that vice versa? :) And because I finally found my way and am still working on me, without not wanting to, I want everyone to harness that they they do have in them and do the same

The feeling pretty is a new thing for me. Coming 60 and Im actually feeling pretty. Oh Im not, teeth are a mess, have a face like a slapped arse, and still have middle aged spread, but Im feeling pretty because Im making the best of what I have, Even my DH, said tonight when I came in from work - your hair looks amazing, what are you doing " ( good cut that I can actually style in 2 mins is all Im doing ) I cant remember the last time he complimented me on my hair :)

And the more confidence I have in how I look , the more confident I am becoming in life and the more Im getting out there and enjoying life

Too many years Ive hidden from the camera, not gone out on trips and nights out because I felt so ugly.

I wish I had done this 10 years ago before the rot set in and I started the spiral of not caring

Use your energy on getting that diet fixed and as time moves on,and the new habits become more natural, then start adding the gym, the swimming, the good hair style, the new skin routine, just hold off on the invasive procedures a while yet

@suki1964 is right, the dentist will want you to get your diabetes under control before doing implants, as it affects the success rate.

I love this thread. I hope OP doesn't mind if I add a question as I'm feeling similar to her about myself at 50. Where do you all start with fashion? I'm in a rut of Next and M&S and wearing the same stuff I have always worn. Which YouTube videos are you all watching about this stuff?

Op I think the thing that's often missing in discussions in making these changes is low self esteem/self worth. Reading some books/following influencers on how to accept yourself and meet yourself where you are at will give a better foundation to any changes you want to adopt. I'm saying this from experience and did a short course a year ago and it's helped me look at what i want and how I want to look after myself and raise how I value myself and therefore look after myself as a consequence. All the best x

Not nagging at all - you come across as someone whose done the hard work and seen the impact of that and is lovely enough to share in honest and supportive way - which I’m very grateful for so thank you.

a few posters have talked about confidence and self esteem - I’m very confident and am always the one others come to for advice and help. I’m seen as successful, happily married, great personality etc - and u am v grateful for that.

this thread is telling me there’s definitely some self limiting issues and beliefs that I need to deal with and stop ignoring! I’ll keep coming back and reading the advice and acting on it!

Thank you @TWmover sound great and so glad that’s helped you.

-what was the course you did? Pls share details if you can x

Thank you! Had no idea about that! I’ll let the dentist know re the diabetes - thank you!

I mean, diet and being slim, as pc as it isn't t say, really helps positively change a persons face and body but also genuine confidence - if you look at any "transformation videos" on youtube etc, not even wearing makeup the women (and men) look so much healthier and happier when the weight comes off from healthy eating etc.

ALso, just as a personal tip as someone who has thinning hair etc, I started using castor oil and it's already improved my skin, undereye bags, and my eyebrow has even started to grow back. I've noticed it's done more for my face than any of my huge collection of retinol/eye creams/hydrolic acid stuff ever has.

@MooFroo it was this course https://www.msstarmonroe.com/loveaffair

You’re welcome. Unfortunately poorly controlled diabetes affects your oral health as well, as it makes things slower to heal and can lead to inflamed gums and gum disease and it can affect the success of implants .

So if you are able to lose weight and improve your overall health and control of your blood sugar, you will also improve your dental health and make your dentist and hygienist happy too 🙂

As well as reducing the risk of all these other nasty complications, such as damage to your eyes and feet.

Wegovy has been amazing for me. I would recommend it to anyone.

Baby Botox if your forehead is something you’re self-conscious about.

See a hairdresser to discuss cuts and colours that would add volume to your hair.

Eyebrows add structure to the face. Microblading can be quite harsh whereas laminating gives a more natural result.

Drink more water! Simple and boring but dehydration makes skin dry and dull. You can get water through fruit and vegetables too or soups.

Vitamin C face cream and an LED mask have made the biggest difference to my skin. It looks glowy and youthful again.

I could have written almost everything that you have said @MooFroo I am self sabotaging all the time. I know what I need to do but I use every excuse under the sun not to do it.

I cannot go on living like this. My weight is definateky the number one issue. Thanks to this thread though I have ordered the Mounjaro weight loss injections. I need a complete overhaul but this is a good start.

I've also read the entire "Glow Up / Princessing 2024" thread 'Glow Up'/ "Princessing" 2024 Thread 1 | Mumsnet and I'll use that to update what I'm doing and hopefully keep myself motivated. Would be great to see you over there!

Hi, I'm the same age as you (turn 50 in January) and would recommend the following:

If you don't feel you're pretty, firstly focus on style instead. There's a famous Iris Apfel quote about this which really resonated with me. Wear things in colours and styles that you like. I've never done this myself, but it might be worth getting a personal shopping consultation somewhere to get some ideas.

As others have suggested, get your iron levels checked. Haven't read the full thread, but guessing that you're probably in peri. Maybe research vitamins, I take vitamin D, magnesium, evening primrose oil and vitamin B complex every day.

I'm another one recommending intermittent fasting, I'm trying to lose 10 pounds for my holiday, 5 pounds down so far in a month. I'm not going to lie, its not easy every day, but its the easiest diet I've ever done, during my eating window I eat what I want within reason.

Skincare, some of the others have given you some good tips. I dont tan so use Nivea Q10 Summer skin at this time of year.

Get a pedicure done or do one yourself.

Make-up, experiment and/or go to one of the beauty counters. Maybe colour your hair. I find Afro-Caribbean shops brilliant for buying lipsticks and hair dyes, they tend to have a wide range and the prices are very purse friendly.

Exercise. Look up Jessica Cooke on youtube, she does a good 10 mins weight work out, she also has quite a lot of lifecoachey podcasts. I alternate her workouts with Get Fit with Rick, the workouts are cheesy, but they're low impact and lift your mood. I tend to work out first thing in the morning and it sets me up for the day.

Best of luck and be nice to yourself.

My top tips for young looking skin ( I'm 59 )
Sheet masks are a great way to refresh your skin.

My make up routine for lovely looking skin is
1 Use Origins Vitazing tinted moisturiser
2 The n YSL Nu Glow in Balm
3 IT Cosmetics CC Cream ( it's like foundation )

These 3 give me a lovely dewy look. They're not cheap, but I really think they're worth it. Sadly, as you get older you have to throw more money at your face to look half as good!
But, I promise you, these will work, I've spent a lot of time, trial and error finding something that does!😁

Thank you so much for the last few replies - I’d missed them totally!

I’ve made a start to just reporting back to update as you all had so much great info, ideas and advice - thank you!

• Starting Mounjaro in a few days once it - think it will give me the kickstart that I need - read a lot of the threads on it and it seems like the right approach for me. Spoke to Doctor too and he agreed it was a good approach for me right now
• Botox DONE! Had my forehead done and can see a Huge difference to my frown lines so I look happier and less angry - went to a highly recommended practitioner with excellent testimonials over several years so took a lot of the fear out of it for me
• dyed my eyebrows before they got overly grey!
• been taking daily vitamins and collagen
• filling up a big bottle of lemon water in the morning and been finishing it - never peed so much but know it’s worth it!
• monitoring diabetes levels with a sensor and it’s all good and stable so far
• walking pad back out and just starting to use it again but also been making a real effort to just move a lot more throughout the day

so some big things and some small changes that I’m working on to create long term habits. Photos have been a reality check when scrolling through my phone and I know I will look so much better than I do now, as well as being healthier, so need to stay focussed to become who I want to be
phew!!

Thank you @Octopus45 Hope you have a fabulous holiday and look and feel amazing throughout ❤️

i will add evening primrose oil to the list! I’ve started adding collagen to my first hot drink in the morning,

I’ve also booked 2-3 hour session with a local make up artist who willl advise and show me how to create some new looks. I’m a very basic wearer and don’t have a set look and don’t really know what I’m doing with make up even for a simple day to day look so that’s a good start!

the personal shopping consult will happen but I’m going to wait until I lose at least 2 stone and do that close r to the big 50!

thank so much!

So glad it’s helped someone who needed it too @sortmyselfoutagain
I did the same with the princesses thread - although I got a bit overwhelmed with it all!

read so many positive stories about Monjouro so hoping it works for us both and gives us what we need!

good luck to you and pls feel free to post any updates or anything else you’re happy to share here x

OP, this is all tremendous, well done! I think dropping some weight and exercising more will give you such a boost, and the more you get that boost, the better you will feel. Plus, it's great your doctor agrees this is a good course of action, it will help your diabetes so much, which again, will make you feel a lot more in control of things. This has been a great thread, by the way, I've enjoyed reading the answers.

Thankyou @Alwaystimeforacupoftea!
it’s so true when they say to make small and sustainable changes and add things as you go. Forced myself to go for an outside walk today and felt great when I did.

it’s been a brilliant thread and I’m so appreciative of all the great advice and experience shared x

@MooFroo well done, You are doing amazingly. Agree that small and sustainable changes are the way to go.

Hi all quick update

• Dental treatment started - waiting to finish the anti biotics before starting mounjaro
• went on 10k step walk yesterday which was great - need to work on getting out regularly and getting steps in
• need to work on the exercise and getting regular which will happen from 1 August - walking until then

Just met someone I’ve not seen for 2 years and she gave me ‘that look’ and made a point of saying how much I’d aged! What the fuxk?!

Cheeky cow - I laughed it off but was crying inside