How to get motivated to be pretty again?

[MooFroo]

Hi all

been reading some of the s&b threads and I need help pls!

Im almost 50, almost 100kg and am realising how much I’ve let myself go in the last few years.

Im the fattest I’ve ever been. Had to show a 3 year old ID card to someone today and he did a double take and said I looked like a different person - stuck with me all day.

I have thinning hair so lots of skin showing on my scalp, and still can’t straighten my hair so it look nice. It’s either badly straightened or tied up which just makes me look even older - and the never ending greys don’t help! I home eye every few weeks

I have no fashion sense - just wear very safe and comfortable stuff (lots of black), and if it’s on sale then even better

I have frown lines on my forehead so look angry/grumpy all the time - when I’m the opposite personality wise!

I hadn’t realised how much work other people put into maintaining their looks l! Botox, fillers, microblading, facials etc - people I know spend spending a lot of time, money and effort on their looks and they look on it!

meanwhile I look shit and much older than them! I have the time and money but lack the motivation to actually do the work needed- mainly coz I’m not sure where to start and how to maintain it all.

1. I wear make up but stick to a few items that are easy to wear
2. basic skincare - night and day cream and foot cream
3. dye my grey eyebrows when I do my hair
4. and that’s about it tbh! What else do you 50 year olds do to look good?

I work from home a lot so don’t mix in public as much as I used to and just can’t be bothered to make the effort and lack confidence to try and experiment with new things

after the guys surprised look, I realised I’d seen it so many times before when people haven’t seen me for a while. Went out with a friend last week and we bumped into someone we both know who told her how great she always looks and just looked at me and sort of smirked - as if to imply I looked shit.

pls help with any advice or ideas that are fairly easy to action

thanks so much xx

That's awful. Who on earth would say that?

You're doing so well MoFroo keep on going on ☺️ what a nasty thing to say to you I honestly don't believe people sometimes 🥹

thank you @savvy7 and @madmumofteens
its just crazy! She said it in a passing way rather than with any Obvious malice, but just wish she’d kept it in her head!
Made me wonder how many other people comment on the state of me behind my back - not even in a nasty way, but in a ‘what the heck happened to her’ way…

Small steps, feels like it won't make enough of an impact but they all add up

Definitely! But a magic wand would be great right now :)

How incredibly rude...there's never a context in which it's ok to say you've aged, I mean, why would anyone say that? Is it a relative or someone known to be a bit off?

Keep going whatever, take no notice, in a few months you will be feeling so much better with all that exercise, and getting on top of the diabetes/weight as well, but even if you do bump into her again after that, she's just not a nice person so don't linger!

F

No magic wand, but you have the determination and you will get to where you want to be. Already you are making strides and planning ahead. You want it, you will get it

She was rude and downright cruel. Obviously never got the memo that says if you cant say something nice say nothing. I get how you feel, been there myself and revenge is best served cold, I was the ugly duckling in my last place of work, no one would even say "hair looks good " to me, I felt like a million dollars when my old supervisor ran into me the other week and couldn't stop gushing over how well I was looking, nearly didnt recognise me, how she loved the hair etc etc etc. Seriously I was near on preening for a while. Even DH had a wee smirk on his face. When I look back at that meeting what really stays with me is my DH's reaction, the pride he was feeling for me. I dont need validation from casuals, I have it from my family and real friends and from me when I look in the mirror - which I do a lot more now then I ever did

You have got this xxx

thank you @Alwaystimeforacupoftea it was a distant relative - not known for bitchiness but well known for being direct!

thank you! On a positive my DS told me I looked like I’d lost weight and I feel I look a bit thinner today in my summer dress ❤️

Aww that’s so lovely @suki1964 - how cute of your DH❤️

Sounds really shallow but that’s what I want - to be complimented again rather than looked over or worse, feeling like I’m being looked down upon for not looking good enough! It’s crazy really, how much impact it can have on you - I hadn’t realised that it had been impacting my mood and feelings

but as you say, onwards and upwards! Will get back to feeling and looking gorgeous ❤️

It does feel very shallow when in this day and age we are supposed to be so inclusive, but we know thats a ruddy lie. Women will always compare themselves to other women and I do want that slim all inclusive figure, where I can go into a shop and buy from the rail.

My experience has always been Im ignored being the fat person. Im sure other people have different experiences and I know mine are down to me never being happy being fat. Ive always felt more comfortable, more confident as a 12 or under and I know when I hit the 14's I stop bothering because I feel bad

So call me shallow, call me whatever, but I know myself when Im slim ( not skinny thats so never going to happen, never starving myself, never denying myself ) Im a better me, Yes I do have to in MN's speech "deny myself" at least 3 or 4 days a week, the days when Im mindful, the days Im not reaching for the high fat, easy to grab, even easier to eat foods. I have to balance the diet, same as I have to medicate myself.

So shoot us down for admitting aloud that we want to be slim (ish) we want to look pretty, we want to make the best of ourselves

And that was bloody hard to admit to. I should be happy that I have a good job, a good marriage, a good standing in the community, I have so much else thats so positive in my life that saying to myself I want more was really hard

So call me shallow, call me a carbuncle on the face of feminism , but I want to be seen as pretty and slim and fit , even at 60

Wish there was a way to show how much you love a post @suki1964!

Agree with every word you wrote! In a world where we are told that we can be whatever we want to be, it’s absolutely fine for us to just wanna feel and look good while we’re doing everything else!

I went out for a walk today - gorgeous weather, phoned a friend and we had a great chat while I walked. She told me how good I was for getting out there and getting my steps in and just that made me happy and feel like it was a major achievement!

we deserve to care about how we look and deserve to take care of ourselves and improve mental and physical wellbeing in any way we want to! If that’s putting on a brighter lippy, or wearing a new dress then that’s fine!

i straightened my hair today even though I was ‘only at home’ so no one was found to see me. Had a word with myself and straightened it so I felt better about how I look for myself and also for DH who has to look at me half the day! Felt much better for doing it!

Stick with your friends who allow you to be you, and encourage you in your achievements, no matter how small, they are your genuine friends

Remember, this isnt a race, This is working out what the goal is, and that can and possibly will change, Finding and taking each step to get to that goal, one foot in front of the other, and around the block a few times and a few holidays along the way, but always keeping that ever shifting goal in sight

YOU deserve to be the best version of YOU, however you imagine that to be, You have the power to get to that

@MooFroo well done you on getting started!

You could be me! I was actually browsing for a thread like yours just now before I started my own. I'm 60 (feeling it) and a primary school teacher - cutting my hours right right back from September so decided it's time to get a grip on myself. My son's getting married next summer which is a big incentive.

I don't think I value myself enough. Growing up, I was the clever one - only child of older mum who never wore make up, and like pop music, make up, jewellery and fashion were regarded by my mum as frivolous and for rather silly people. I buy nice clothes then think peole will laugh at me so go and change into something very boring and safe before I go out. My thinking is that I look rough (dark circles are the think I really loathe) so if I make an effort people will laugh at me. I have enough money for some nice stuff, just don't think I'm worth it deep inside my head.

I'm going to be following some of the tips on here - my aim is to look at least somewhat better by the time of my first non term time holiday at the end of August.

@suki1964 ❤. You said it so well!

@Mumwithbaggage thank you so much! Wish you all the best on your journey too :)

its a real mindset shift and takes time and effort to work on yourself. The outward stuff is only one part of it - how we feel about how we look massively impacts everything else in our life as well. It’s definitely time to stop caring what other people think and care more about what we think about ourselves.

if it’s the dark eyes that are bothering you the most have you looked into what you can do to sort that?

Somebody had said in one of the posts here about wearing a brighter lippy or just brighter clothes and I’m trying to do more of that. Bright lippy felt it was for special occasions so I stick to lights and nudes for day to day- but don’t have to!

I actually love bright colours and used to wear them a lot but tend to buy everything in black - not consciously - to make me look thinner but obviously subconsciously that must have been the plan!

good luck on your journey!

I had my first call with Voy today re starting weight loss injections. It was with a nutritionist who was lovely and we ended up having a deep conversation about how I want to look better as well as get healthy for the long term- not just as a quick win.

was a positive supportive call which is always good!
I did go out for a walk yesterday in the sun and hit around 7500 steps.

still watching telly in evenings but am walking more while doing so, balancing on one leg and just trying to move more instead of just lying on the sofa!

50 next week eek!!!

I always make sure I get my hair coloured every 3 months.

Brow shape every few months and aldi do a really good brow tint stick so you can tint your own brows daily.

Jones road beauty balm is lovely and I've also discovered wonderskin make up which is long lasting. The lipsticks are lovely and really do last all day and I've recently got the eyeliner again stays put all day.

Like to paint nails myself, toenails too bright colors

A swipe of bronzer makes me look healthier

Just treated myself to the boots serum damage reverse not cheap but I love it.

Basically as long as my hair looks nice, my makeup is on and I smell and look nice I'm ok with that!

Oooh happy big birthday in advance @lollipoprainbow!

sounds like you have a great routine in place- nice work :)

perfume does make a big difference and I only eat it when going out! I WFH so should just put some on daily to help life mood and feel good so thanks for the reminder!

I tint my eye brows monthly to hide those pesky greys!

This is the most amazing inspirational thread ! One thing I found with thinner hair and the additional sebum problems a poster mentioned upthread, was a weekly scalp exfoliator helped me. Mark hill does a good one and your hair feels lovely and bouncy afterwards. Good luck Op you do sound like a lovely person I'm sure you can make the changes you wish for xx

Sounds like you are doing well OP. I find that half the battle is how you feel rather then how you look.
I think it helps to think of it in terms of making life changes that will improve your health and well being into old age....long term permanent changes.
So getting regular exercise, getting outside regularly, healthy diet, enough sleep, having a skin care routine, etc.

Ive also been on a self improvement kick and Ive found that the better I feel the more I want to do to improve myself. Started out losing weight and exercising (as at 50 I realiesed I wanted to be a fit healthy pensioner and enjoy my later years!). Lost about 100Ibs, realiesed I love exercise and healthy eating!
Then it just became automatic to take care of myself in other ways...regular hair cuts and dyes, skin care, nice outfits, make up, getting my brows shaped, etc.

Now I know I will never be conventionally pretty but I feel really good about myself, confident and happy and I think that makes me a 'good looking' person anyways!

Awww thank you so much @Cornishbelle, that’s v lovely of you x

thank you, will look at the scalp exfoliation - didn’t even know that was a thing!

bought some under eye patches today in home bargains - a month supply to help with dark circles and ended up putting a pair on all the family 🤣🤣

@henlake7 wow! Congrats on the weight loss 👏🏼👏🏼

you’re very right- its like a snowball effect I guess. Once you get going and see the impact of the positive changes, you want to do more and keep going.

I did put on some bright lippy today and took 5 mins to straighten my hair before going out with DH to get some shopping in -and definitely felt better than normal with my nude lips and hair tied back.

I use colour spray to make hair look thicker at the front which helps too but I don’t always use it! Why not?
i just need to get consistent with taking the time and effort to look and feel good so am working on that… and on that note I’m off out for a walk!

Was due to start my mounjaro today but but nervous as have just finished my antibiotics - have contacted VOY to see if it’s ok but not had a reply yet.

With me it always starts with simple self care to remind me of how I feel when I feel good, so shaving legs, moisturising, paint toenails, bra that fits, top that isn’t stuck to me. I go for comfort face wise, so Cetaphil face wash, le Roche posay spf, avene moisturiser. Cerave eye cream. Make up wise it’s more expensive Nars concealer is literally magic and clarins bb cream and mac spray fx (dry skin, mid 40s). I listen to music I love, watch tv I love, read books, go for walks, go for swims, sit in the park, less screens more sleep!