How to get motivated to be pretty again?

[MooFroo]

Hi all

been reading some of the s&b threads and I need help pls!

Im almost 50, almost 100kg and am realising how much I’ve let myself go in the last few years.

Im the fattest I’ve ever been. Had to show a 3 year old ID card to someone today and he did a double take and said I looked like a different person - stuck with me all day.

I have thinning hair so lots of skin showing on my scalp, and still can’t straighten my hair so it look nice. It’s either badly straightened or tied up which just makes me look even older - and the never ending greys don’t help! I home eye every few weeks

I have no fashion sense - just wear very safe and comfortable stuff (lots of black), and if it’s on sale then even better

I have frown lines on my forehead so look angry/grumpy all the time - when I’m the opposite personality wise!

I hadn’t realised how much work other people put into maintaining their looks l! Botox, fillers, microblading, facials etc - people I know spend spending a lot of time, money and effort on their looks and they look on it!

meanwhile I look shit and much older than them! I have the time and money but lack the motivation to actually do the work needed- mainly coz I’m not sure where to start and how to maintain it all.

1. I wear make up but stick to a few items that are easy to wear
2. basic skincare - night and day cream and foot cream
3. dye my grey eyebrows when I do my hair
4. and that’s about it tbh! What else do you 50 year olds do to look good?

I work from home a lot so don’t mix in public as much as I used to and just can’t be bothered to make the effort and lack confidence to try and experiment with new things

after the guys surprised look, I realised I’d seen it so many times before when people haven’t seen me for a while. Went out with a friend last week and we bumped into someone we both know who told her how great she always looks and just looked at me and sort of smirked - as if to imply I looked shit.

pls help with any advice or ideas that are fairly easy to action

thanks so much xx

With your clothes start with your underwear. Get fitted for a couple of new bras, so that your boobs are pointed in the right direction. Pants that fit and that that don't dig in/give you a VPL .
Someone once told me that if your shoes pinch it shows in your face. So treat yourself to some shoes that are both comfortable and stylish.
Then you can start on the outside.

I hadn’t realised how much work other people put into maintaining their looks l! Botox, fillers, microblading, facials etc - people I know spend spending a lot of time, money and effort on their looks and they look on it!

meanwhile I look shit and much older than them! I have the time and money but lack the motivation to actually do the work needed- mainly coz I’m not sure where to start and how to maintain it all

Im over 50 too and If you were my friend I’d advise you to do some cheap and cheerful things for your appearance - there’s some great advice on this thread - make up, hairdressers , some new inexpensive clothes.

But then I’d advise you to put as much time, money and effort as you possibly can on your physical and mental health. That absolutely needs to be your priority as diabetes is a progressive disease and with a lot of work you can put it into remission and look forward to another 30 years of good health.

You need to lose weight by whatever method works for you. Counselling could support you in this and the other life changes you need to make . Please don’t think this is wasted money, it’s investing in your future.

Exercise ( whatever you enjoy ) will also improve your physical and mental health and your self esteem.

I promise you that You will feel like a different person once you do this and your self esteem will improve.

That will also be the time to consider things like fillers and dental implants - they are better once you are at your target weight and your health is improved.

Love this! I’ve gotten used to wearing lots of black with some colour blocks but not enough! Thank you

I had very thin, fine hair and ‘tired’ looking skin before I saw an amazing dermatologist/trichologist who was able to give me the scientific explanation I needed for why it was like that, and how to fix it.

I take 2.5mg of oral minoxidil and 1000 IU of vitamin D daily. I wash my hair every day with a silicone free shampoo and use Nizoral before my normal shampoo 3 times a week (I leave it on for 5 minutes each time). It took about 6 months before I started to notice the difference. After three years my hair is thicker, stronger and healthier than it was in my teens and twenties, and I'm now 56. I wish I had known that it was a 'fixable' problem when I was younger. I have more than twice as much hair now, as it's no longer stuck in a cycle with a very short anagen (growth) phase, which is what causes hair follicles to shrink and the hairs to get finer and finer until they eventually disappear. When the follicles are smaller they get blocked by sebum on the scalp which makes the problem worse. Daily washing is essential to stop this happening and the nizoral kills malassezia, which a fungus that needs off the sebum and weakens the hair follicle. Vitamin D also has a beneficial effect on hair follicle health.

The product that has made the biggest difference to my skin (also recommended by my dermatologist) has been a daily collagen drink called Skinade. When I look at before and after photos, I honestly look about 15 years younger just from not having thin hair anymore and my skin looking plumper and smoother. It’s so much more effective to sort out the issues from the inside, rather than short term solutions like filler.

@J0S you are right, I know it all links back to being overweight but think I’ve gotten so used to being this size I hadn’t realised how big I am, and impact of it. I crept up from size 16 to buying size 20 and still thinking I’m ok and not as big as other people!

it’s a lot of laziness, not moving and not doing the work to look after my health

I know that but STILL don’t do what is needed to make the changes I need to.
I’ll start and then never carry on. I joined a great gym last year and enjoyed the sessions, but then just stopped going and couldn’t motivate myself to get there

i know i need to commit fully and put the work and effort into myself - no reasons for me not to either as kids are older and DH is wonderful and supportive so I’m the issue- need to sort my self out

@fiorentina thank you, yes iron levels checked at drs and said they are a bit low. Tried to donate blood last year but they said my iron levels were too low

did have some tablets but stopped taking them so will restart. I used the spatone iron sachets but didn’t really feel any difference?

Any recommendations pls?

I’ve got magnesium and vitamin d that I’m taking daily

Oh wow @MariaMeringue thats amazing - so happy for you! I used to gave gorgeous thick hair and noticed it thinking over the last 5 odd years but thought it was just an age thing and my hormones 😩

I’ve tried PRP and had 6 sessions in the last year after a friend recommended it but again no real change- a small difference.

hadnt even thought about speaking to a dermatologist about my hair.

after reading all these replies, I honestly would love to speak to someone to do a whole top to toe, inside to out assessment with me and come up with a plan to start fixing things!

does such a thing even exist?!

I'm going to be honest with you about what I've done in this situation, which is I paid out for Wegovy and take iron supplements (heme iron suit me best). I don't want to persuade you if it's not your thing and it is expensive, but being a lot lighter has impacted my appearance very positively in terms of being able to exercise more, feeling more 'bouncy', wearing clothes I like and so on. Others may not be so bothered by it, but I was and I am good at eating reasonably well and maintaining weight, but I couldn't lose it after about 35 so that was my solution once I was obese. Iron supplements are essential, your GP should either give you some or google which are the best. I take quite expensive ones as the cheap ones give me stomach ache, but again, this is money.

Ultimately all the faffing on the surface is just that, if you have a spring in your step and you can exercise more, even just walking, this will have the most impact on your looks, also don't drink heavily, odd glass fine but my friends who drink nightly in quite large quantities are showing it now.

I'd also say you can start today with the walking or dancing at home, everyone speaks highly of Caroline Girvans for weights at our age, it doesn't have to be injectable weight loss. I have a pedometer, or get a smart watch, and get your steps up.

I have seen others go through a similar transformation over 50 and it always comes down to becoming more mobile and moving better, which is usually connected to weight by our age, as that's when the hips, knees and back start to become a bit troublesome and this is the time to try to deal with that. I also take collagen, no idea if it helps.

I should add by 'being lighter', that I am still a bit overweight by BMI, but there's a big difference in how I feel being a size 14 rather than a size 20. I'm not advocating anything drastic!

Why don't you get a little notebook, a nice one, and write down these ideas? You will then be able to sort out what's doable now and what will be great in the future. I think it's possible to action one big thing such as exercise and buy a supplement straight away, but you can't do everything, so making a list and positive thinking will get you a long way.

If you're curious about injectable, OP, you might find browsing the 'continuing Mounjaro' threads useful to learn more. I'm on them and it's a very supportive, well-informed community all working together to get healthier. It might help you decide if it's right for you.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/weight-loss-injections/5107426-continuing-mounjaropart-15?latest=1

Thansk for the honesty @Alwaystimeforacupoftea Im definitely up for it now as I recognise I just can’t do it alone
I’ve abused my body and mind by letting myself get to this stage and not doing anything lasting about it so what I’ve always done hasn’t worked so time to try something different and lose the weight which will definitely help deal with the other issues! Was in town with DD yesterday and she kept picking stuff for me which was proper fat old lady stuff - I’m better than that but don’t look it!

if I would need medication for diabetes, BP etc then makes sense to try the injections and use that as one medication that will help make the other illnesses better

thank you so much for sharing ladies and all the advice so far! Honestly it’s been so so helpful and thought provoking for me and hoepdully others too x

@MooFroo
Re: having an in-person top to toe ...maybe a personal shopper (John Lewis/mint velvet?) and find a good beautician, they usually have some really helpful knowledge.

Where I live there's a colour analysis consultant which is going to be my 40th treat to me wee self.

The private hospital near me does women's health appointments- my GP is a bit crappola (over stretched, under resources, disinterested in women's health...the usual!) so I'm going there for an MOT (early peri yay me)

You can get a personal trainer appointment at a local gym for a workout plan later down the line, but start walking, walking, walking. If you -have- to get a dog, then so be it 🙂

I’ve got a whattsapp group that I set up last year for myself called FitByFifty - to help me focus on being fit by my big birthday next year

I’ve been adding ideas and tips etc into it but I just don’t action it 😩

ive taken fat photos and put my weight etc in there

ive joined weight loss programmes and never fully commit or follow their programmes despite seeing other people get results

I’ve got gym links and timetables, healthy recipes etc all in one place

there’s definitely some self sabotage and internal issues going on in my head!

I have access to all the resources online and locally - live in a big city and drive etc
i do have enough time
i have some money

but im still not using all of that in the right way!

someone slap me please 😩

The key thing for you to do is cancel the filler appointment, and go to your GP. You need to work with your GP to get on top of your diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol issues, and the whole of the rest will follow.

Talk to them about if you qualify for diabetes Ozempic, which you might. Get information if you feel too scared to action it straight away. Knowledge is power.

Also talk to your GP about your anaemia, 'low' in the NHS is often very low, so you will need to actively supplement for this, again, with GP input and you can add to it at home (your GP might recommend a particular supplement).

What you are describing is feeling exhausted and out of control, and this is impacting on how you feel about you and what you can do in life, I'm not sure this is a 'pretty' issue- you sound like a pretty person already with a great personality who is sabotaging themselves. Take control of your health first and all the rest of the things will follow.

A lot of what you say feels very familiar to me.

What I did was started taking injectible weight loss drugs. I lost 3.5 stone to get to a healthy weight. I found as soon as I felt good about my body I felt motivated to buy and wear nice clothes, do my hair, paint my nails. I feel really confident now and enjoy making an effort to look nice. While I hated my body I couldn't bring myself to do any self care and looked like shit all the time.

You'll find people who don't agree with weight loss drugs but they worked so well for me and changed my life. I'd tried and failed to lose weight by other methods countless times. Why spend my one life hating my body when there's treatment that works?

Going off your OP, a few things stand out.

Weight: you're obviously unhappy with this. Losing weight relatively quickly from 100kg is easier than you think. Cardio - walking (strolling and speed), swimming, cycling - whichever your preferred, do that every single day if you can for at least half an hour to an hour. Not only will you lose weight and tone up, your face will be flushed and glow. The endorphins will improve your mood too.

Hair: steer away from box dye and obvious copper tones. A drastic change in hairstyle if you've kept the same one for years. Go for a softer and shorter style.

Face: Get a fringe cut in or longer bangs/side layers. Change your moisturiser. Exfoliate a couple of times a week. Look at taking a 3 month course of high quality multivit and mineral. Change your diet to only whole foods, fresh produce, don't skip any food groups. Look at ways you would like to and could improve your quality of sleep and relaxation.

Clothing: look around at how other stylish women around you are dressing and pick a style you are most drawn to (eg. bohemian, classic French, floral/patterned, neutral and block colour).

If you want a whole body MOT then see if your employer offers annual health checks. Ours gave Nuffield 360 and it was a real help to see what my issues were, and how to start to fix them. It takes a couple of hours, and you have tests, an hour with a physiologist and an hour with a doc - both of whom were massively non-judgemental unlike my GP’s surgery staff.

Great thread.

@MooFroo I just wanted to gently highlight how much self-blame there sounds like there is in your self talk (obviously I'm just going by what's on your posts)

Fat photos don't sound like the kindest thing you could do for yourself? Maybe an occasional weigh in can be useful for accountability but also might be demotivating? Idk...everyone is different but I'm definitely more motivated by self-tlc (little treats like painting my nails, new earrings).

Life is busy, there's million reasons why as women we slide right on down to the bottom of the list (kids, work, dishes, bills, blahhhh) throw in there a lockdown or two and you've got a recipe for things running away from you.

Kindly, accept where you are and don't listen to the inner voice that's blamey and judgey. It is what it is, that's your past not your future. you're not alone in having to do a midlife reset.

Might've read it wrong but please don't be offended if I'm way off the mark. It's Saturday, buy the lipstick 💄.

Firstly, Weight loss injections. I've been on Wegovy for 7 months and lost 2.5stone, dropping from a size 16 to a 12. It's not a quick fix but it is sooo easy - it has been amazing to not even have to think of dieting and trying to loose weight, it just happens. I'd recommend looking at mounjaro or Wegovy.

Secondly, stay away from the box dye!! I find them so obvious and aging on a maturer person as they can be quite harsh in colour. Plus no one believes that anyone over 40 doesn't have a single strand of grey and has deep brown hair etc. Go to a hair dresser and have a soft balayage.

Thirdly, eyebrow threading and tinting will make a huge difference to your face.

I think the thing about this is to prioritise your health. Diabetes is often reversible following a very low calorie diet & rapid weight loss. Look up the Michael Mosley diet. The weight loss injectables means you're just not hungry & it's possible to follow a low calorie diet very easily. You still have to take in less calories than you need to lose weight.
It's very common to pile on weight when pre-diabetic with insulin resistance. These weight loss drugs actually were originally devised to treat diabetes thereby solving the insulin resistance problem. This is one reason why they work so well. Prioritise this first & the rest will follow.

Losing some weight will definitely help all round. I'd go to your GP and ask about the injections if it's something you're interested in, go from there.

Meanwhile I'd go for new clothes for an immediate pick me up. Clothes are low risk in terms of not having to make decisions about invasive procedures etc, you can get some new outfits while you mull those over. I'd have a look on YouTube and find some people who are the same sort of age as you and see what they have to say. I love Marie-Ann LeCour who has already been recommended upthread. There's something very soothing about her. Basically she talks in terms of wear your nice clothes all the time, whatever you're doing. As much about mind as well as clothes. And some great advice about being stylish as you get older. Also MM personal styling - great videos but she also does a styling service.

I've been watching a lot of YouTube as I realised recently I'd got in a rut of wfh, comfy clothes, bit of weight gain, hiding in tent like clothes, had everything for years etc. What I did was take myself shopping on my own and give myself the challenge of trying on 6 things in each shop that I would never normally pick. I've come home with some lovely things, my wardrobe looks much more up to date and intentional. I also ordered a hell of a lot of stuff from various places (next is good because so many brands), most of it went back and what I kept I love.

I banished most of the old clothes to Under the Bed, but left some in my wardrobe just in case. I've not touched them though!

By the way I do nothing surgical/medical - each to their own but it's not for me. I've always invested in good skincare though and attempt to eat a healthy diet (varying success!)

Okay, as someone who spends A LOT of time on self care and beautifying and doing things to feel / look great, here's my top tips for an instant effect.

1/ FAKE TAN- Everyone looks better with a glow. L'Oréal do a fantastic spray. Pic attached. Apply to face/ neck/ décolletage at night after cleansing. If you have fair eyebrows, cover them with some moisturiser.

2/ SCALP SPRAY- you mentioned your thinning hair. You can get some fab products now to colour the scalp, making the thinning much less obvious. Pic attached of my fave one.

3/ EXFOLIATE & MOISTURISE- your whole body, very regularly. Smooth, supple body skjn is one of the lost attractive things. Find one that smells nice too. Double win.

4/ WEAR COLOUR - Black/ grey etc may feel safe but will bring your mood down. Even if you can get a "pop" of colour with a bright scarf/ necklace/ cardigan, you'll see the benefit in your face.

5/ TEETH WHITENING - Teeth are everything. They don't need to be perfect but they do need to look clean and white. There's lots of food options on Amazon for teeth whitening strips.

......

Those are the instant things. Doing those will
Make you feel better and more motivated to work on the "long game" stuff like weight loss. I would use calorie counting and step counting to begin with.

Little steps to rediscovering your sparkle x

I use spatone and tablets and try and eat a more iron rich diet. Vitamin C helps iron absorption but it can take months to get your iron levels up to ‘normal’ levels, so do keep it up. My low levels were caused by perimenopause v heavy periods so worth considering too as now I have a mirena coil and oestrogen I feel like a new woman!