Left feeling so ugly after shopping trip :(

[Invisible30something]

Hi,

Firstly, I know ageing a privilege. It really is, but seeing your face change so quickly and dramatically and feeling less and less attractive, is really tough.

I had a very quick trip into town this morning and initially felt OK when I left the house. As soon as I walked through the door of the first shop though 😒 ....

All I could see was frizzy, flat hair (used to be lovely and thick) jowls and dark circles/hollows. I honestly wanted to leave, but I needed to actually buy some clothes! I just got in, tried on and got out.

I'm only 38 (not for much longer) but I just feel so tired, old and unattractive. It's really getting me down.

It wasn't that long a go I used to get loads of compliments, second glances, chat ups etc and I know I shouldn't put so much value on all that, but I honestly do feel invisible now. I know this is how pretty much all women feel after a certain age, but it's still hard to try and ignore.

Got home and immediately ordered yet another "wonder" concealer (Nars Radiant Creamy Concealer to those who are interested 😂) but I know it will be yet another beauty product disappointment 😞 so more money down the train, no doubt.

Not sure why I'm posting this really. Just felt like sharing I guess.

I’m 53, I’ve got v v thin hair ( thanks tamoxifen) I’m overweight with painful joints (again thanks tamoxifen) I look like my gran did and I’m thoroughly depressed about it, I had to give up a job I loved due to illness and now scrape by on min wage, I long for my younger self, and I wish I could embrace aging but I just can’t - seeing myself in the Mirror at home is bad, seeing myself in the mirrors in shops is an assault to my eyes …..being older (for me) sucks 😥

Invest in yourself.

botox

do a laminating brow

go to a gym and build your muscle.

I’m 35 and i’m thinking about botox my crows feet!! Urghh

for you. It might be worth you starting your own thread, maybe in Relationships, as you say there are things you would like to do but these horrible experiences are putting you off getting out there.

I am also allergic to hair dye. Although I only started getting it coloured it a couple of years before I became allergic it is sad to have the option taken away completely. Sympathies.

That was for Kenny

I'm sorry but I do not agree with that. You cannot make blanket statements like that. I am not completely invisible. It all depends on the individual. I have always liked clothes, make up etc and my hair for MYSELF. I was brought up to be "clean and tidy" by a stylish Mum ( who just had it) and I believe that I do as well. She knew what suited and worked for her. She had great hair. I instinctively know what works for me. TBH with you I often see more women my age bracket who look better than many younger women. I guess more time, more money and more years to have acquired that sense of confidence in yourself.

I think women with young children often do seem to not care/ give no fucks/have no time to give fucks or just don't have it ( because some people are like this) plus I also think there is this "mummy' image that some seem to adopt.

Re the shopping these lights are bastards especially M and S. You need to look at yourself in those mirrors that H and M have that make you look great 😂 I think they are the LED ones. Hairdressers - what can I say? My hairdresser started to use those horrible disposable towels and you have to walk from the sink looking like a novice nun or a Queen going to get her head cut off plus overhead lights! OMG!

@Invisible30something drink water, get good sleep, minimise sugar , wear sunscreen , don't smoke and minimise alcohol. If you can afford to get your hair done professionally then do so. When the time comes if you want to have botox or filler then that is your choice.

Having now read back all these posts I see so much of it is indeed a mental attitude as opposed to what the exterior might actually look like. I wouldn't say age has brought that though to me.

I went to my uncle's wedding a few years ago and sitting opposite us at the table was a couple who must have been in their early 60s.

The woman was so elegant and looked so comfortable in her own skin. She was wearing a lovely dress. She was smiling. She had beautifully cut, completely grey hair and laughter lines around her eyes.

My husband - aged 33 at the time - told me he thought she was absolutely beautiful and that he would be delighted if I look anything like that when I'm her age. I agreed.

Older women definitely don't have to be invisible.

I agree. I still remember a lady who always stood out in a local shop. She was of mature years with silver hair which she wore up in a very simple version of a French roll, and she still had a tiny bit of winged eyeliner (black! But just a tiny flick at the ends which really lifted her face), a hint of blusher and a twinkle in her eye and was absolutely gorgeous. No hint of "work" to her face and she wasn't all done up to the nines, it was just a few simple things that made her look chic. She definitely took care of herself, but not in the way that suggested she spent hours at a mirror or in the gym, but with things that make her look lovely without taking it all too seriously.

I really hope that these messages are helping you, OP.
TMS- just to thank you for this beautifully articulate post.
There are many others I could quote here, too.

Agree! Fabulous post

@TheMatisseStories such a lovely and wise post. I am 50+ and so grateful for my health and experience. I am equally grateful to no longer seek out male attention - or anyone’s superficial attention, although a sincere compliment feels lovely. It’s equally lovely to no longer see women as competition (I’m ashamed to admit I once did.) Age can be a refreshing release, if you’re fortunate enough to be healthy.