Left feeling so ugly after shopping trip :(

[Invisible30something]

Hi,

Firstly, I know ageing a privilege. It really is, but seeing your face change so quickly and dramatically and feeling less and less attractive, is really tough.

I had a very quick trip into town this morning and initially felt OK when I left the house. As soon as I walked through the door of the first shop though 😒 ....

All I could see was frizzy, flat hair (used to be lovely and thick) jowls and dark circles/hollows. I honestly wanted to leave, but I needed to actually buy some clothes! I just got in, tried on and got out.

I'm only 38 (not for much longer) but I just feel so tired, old and unattractive. It's really getting me down.

It wasn't that long a go I used to get loads of compliments, second glances, chat ups etc and I know I shouldn't put so much value on all that, but I honestly do feel invisible now. I know this is how pretty much all women feel after a certain age, but it's still hard to try and ignore.

Got home and immediately ordered yet another "wonder" concealer (Nars Radiant Creamy Concealer to those who are interested 😂) but I know it will be yet another beauty product disappointment 😞 so more money down the train, no doubt.

Not sure why I'm posting this really. Just felt like sharing I guess.

I keep telling myself that it’s just typical unpleasant teen behaviour and I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was just horrible though . I’m right back at the beginning again and just trying to rebuild myself

38 isn't old but I'm sorry you're feeling like this it's not nice. I'm sure there is something you can do to help.you feel more comfortable with your appearance. You need to find some.way of 'owning'your look. First, make sure you're properly looking after your health as best you can as it all starts here. Enough sleep, hydration, devent diet with plenty of good protein and a vitamin supplement if you need it. Then, it might be good to try something new with your appearance if you can, a hair cut or colour, or try a new way of doing your makeup that you haven't tried before. Are you aware of whay colours suir you best? Some people find it helpful to check what colours go best with their conplexion. If you keep doing the same style wise for years of course you'll start to feel it looks tired no matter what age you are.

@Invisible30something
I'm the same I too could have written this I'm 41!
I just feel exhausted all the time it's horrible and my hair and skin make me look about 90!

You will become invisible to marketing which doesn't see you as a target. You may also become invisible to men who fear or dislike women having agency or power. You might also become invisible to youth focused marketing, because you are now in the 'discerning' customer bracket. I will call all of this a plus, not a negative.

And, as if by magic!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/4753001-can-we-talk-about-clothing-brands-and-target-demographics?reply=124863187

59 here and although down about post menopausal weight gain,accept I'll never be slim glamourous and gorgeous. Tbf,I never was!

So this is me. I dye my hair purple because I like it and wear whatever feels comfotable with the occasional splurge on colourful shoes from Embassy of London.

For dark circles under eyes can recommend UP Circle products.( I dont work for them). This is the best my skin has ever been. Seriously. And not uber expensive either.

I also got my first tattoo as I have no fucks left to give.

Wow is 38 really seen as old now? I'm 38 and still feel quite young tbh. Still need to lose a few lbs but I've never felt haggard. You could have over 50 years left on this planet, I hope you manage to feel better about yourself. I'm sure you're lovely! I get it's hard when you work, have kids etc.

Don’t worry, it gets better - at 68 you really don’t have to worry any more because you are Completely Invisible.

I'm not trying to .. what's the word? Ugh it's on the tip of my tongue but I can't think of it. Your feelings are valid is what I'm trying to say, it IS horrible to have anyone shout things at you and it's hard not to feel like it's personal, even if it isn't.

Don't give up, Greyflowers. x

Read the room. FFS.

This is style and beauty, OP mentioned the concealer and plenty of people before me talking about things they do to make themselves feel more confident...? I'm not going to say 'ohh i bet you're gorgeous' because how does that help?

I love this thread !

OP I felt like this a few years ago when I was 37/38. The one time I remember I was in a pub and a group of acquaintances came in and said hi to the people I was with, and they didn’t blank me but I felt invisible. I can’t describe it exactly but like I wasn’t worth noticing. I was overweight and wearing a scruffy coat, no makeup etc. but it kind of upset me, I went home and thought about it far too much.

I’m 40 now and feel totally different - I didn’t deliberately change anything but DP said I could never do a half marathon and laughed as if it was a big joke 🙄 so I started training for that (can almost do 10k yay!) and looks have improved as a kind of side effect but I don’t even care that much anymore.

I guess I’m trying to say maybe you don’t feel your best right now but that it can change, and you’ll find your way.

@Invisible30something I can relate and have felt the same way lately. I will say though that store lights are never flattering and can make anyone look like crap. I always look like I've got jaundice when I see myself in a shop mirror.

I struggle with ageing aswell but lost the only woman I've ever loved to anorexia and a dear friend aswell. One was 32 and the other 33. It puts things into perspective for me sometimes because I would still love to have them here

If it's any consolation OP, I'm 28 and feel exactly the same way you do. Can't even bring myself to go shopping in store anymore cause it just turns into a self loathing session

Bloody love this@TheMatisseStories

Hrtft but I've just bought Nars creamy concealer and it really good op

Currently 32 and panicking that I have less years left than I thought after reading this thread 😕.

Do we really start ageing that badly at 38? You're probably your own worst critic and you actually look lovely and youthful to most people!

It's shop lighting - no wonder shops are losing out to shopping online, where you don't have to see yourself under fluorescent lights (let alone horrid changing rooms with no assistance)...

@TheMatisseStories That really was inspiring. I'm 46 and regularly get down about my appearance and spend far too many hours in my day obsessing over it and shopping in hopes to find the perfect thing to make me look amazing again. But I want to think like you - and I'm really going to try - thank you so much 💓

I always feel Ugly On Holiday too.

A lovely combination of -

Frizzier than normal hair,
Irritated by the sun skin.
Prickly heat on décolletage.
Slightly sunburned upper body then legs that Will Not Tan
Bloating

Sexy

Ahhh I like a bit of Marie Kondo-ing

Probably the shop lighting made it all worse. Some types of lighting would make anyone look worse than they really are. I know what you mean about buying another concealer though! When I was younger I thought they were miracle makeup products but it was gilding the lily, so to speak, whereas now it's guilding the dried up old leaf I've had more success with blusher in terms of makeup to perk up...

I do think it gets easier the older you are and I am nearly double the OP's age!

I feel good on the whole. I battle with my weight constantly, so have to keep an eye on that day in day out, but I regularly walk, I regularly have my hair cut (grey now), I sort out the hard skin on my feet, I paint my nails from time to time, I use face masks, and I just feel lucky. Lucky I am here really....

So yes, I am invisible to some, and being the age I am and grey haired I get treated like a doddery old fool at times, but I don't care. It's laughable. Because I can feel good and I know I can scrub up and look nice.

And I think that acceptance of yourself comes with age. And that acceptance is because I know without fail I won't turn heads much any more and I don't have to compete with anyone. So many women my age just give up and I won't!

Basically OP... KOKO keep on keeping on. You'll find your way.

• Shop lighting is not often complementary.
• Clothes in shops are way too tight, so women have to go up 1-2 sizes which doesn't make anyone feel great.
• This never ending winter is making most of us feel tired and depressed. Winter makes most people want to binge sugar and carbs. We need summer to get us back into being outside and eating salad.

Shop lighting is harsh and unforgiving , especially in changing rooms .

Im fifty years old and remember the days when I was considered “attractive and youthful “ and quite frankly I’m glad to be free of it .
we are so much more than what’s on the surface, getting older should be celebrated , a crease , every extra laughter line . I see beautiful older women and what makes them beautiful is their self assured ness.. the fact that they are happy and confident in their own skin .

Getting older for me has been liberating , no longer under pressure to conform to what’s expected of me looks wise , I March to the beat of my own drum , I’m no longer slim, My body bares the hallmarks of five babies and my face bares every single worry line from thirty one years of parenting . Would I change it ? No , because when I was in my teens and twenties , I had no confidence, zero self esteem and it’s taken years to develop that . I’m happy in my own skin .. older and wiser really is a thing .

society sadly sells us the idea that getting older , especially for women is a big no no , we are now not worth as much when we no longer have flawless fresh skin and perfect figures but it’s rubbish .. you are beautiful at any age , you just have to believe it

Awful behaviour I’d have shouted back “hope you’re fertile so can’t spawn bastards then to inflict on society” or some remark, evil vermin they really are.
thank god I’m invisible now never was a beauty today simply don’t care 56 now.