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Original poster

Rated a '4' by men in the pub last night. How can I glow up?

242 replies

MsFrog · 17/02/2023 10:50

Walked past some men last night who were rating women. I know they are dicks, I know it's disgusting behaviour, but it's made me feel completely shit. I mean, I was out with my kids for a pub tea, so I had put zero effort in. But I do look crap most of the time and I feel like my husband must be ashamed of me. Other mums manage to look nice, so having young kids is no excuse.

I'm not really used to doing hair/make up/ being stylish. Any easy tips to feel a bit better about myself?

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 17/02/2023 14:42

Lwrenagain · 17/02/2023 14:18

Op, I have experienced similar and its awful. I'm so sorry. I was a new mother pushing a newborn in a pram and some absolute piece of shite started shouting I was a fat dog out of his van, filled with his laughing mates, it actually led to agoraphobia for a couple of years.

I also though have to say whilst this crushed me at the time, i realise now that actually, I'm a solid fucking 8, 10 with a filter and an 11 with the right attitude.

You don't change yourself for these cunts, they're a bunch of spineless little boys who probably have more issues than we all have combined. People who are truly confident don't need to degrade others and whilst it sounds easier to say than believe, it's true.

Just because some abhorrent little wankers used you to make themselves feel good, it doesn't mean you're not beautiful, it means they're pathetic.

I ended up falling into a trap of being heavily made up, hair done etc when ever I had to go out and with hindsight, I just wish I'd have spent my time sleeping more.

I get flack on these boards a fair bit for saying we're all beautiful and not everyone believes it, but how often do you find someone beautiful because they've given you a smile etc, nobody is ugly, nobody doesn't have attractive features etc, what we don't have is confidence and self love.

I wasted years too scared to leave the house without my (absolutely fucking gorgeous, might I add) DP, and those trips I could have taken, the park, the beach, the fucking asda, I didn't do because some boring little rodents called me a dog, I feel silly even admitting this but if knowing how much I regret giving those silly twats headspace can help you, please let it. 💐💐💐

Lovely, movie and funny post

Thank you

OMG12 · 17/02/2023 14:48

I really hope men like this get dick rot on their micro penises.

I can tell you, you are worth a million times more than any of these jizzwads deserve.

you are a mum, just looking after her kids, you are perfect and priceless.

These sad little fucks have empty shallow lives. Their existence is a pointless blip on the wonder that is evolution.

You on the other hand are actively shining a light in the darkness in which these sewer rats dwell.

Embrace the hoody and jogging bottoms, messy pony tail, that way fucks like that will never harass you too much. Imagine if you were a 10 to them and they tried to chat you up, imagine having to suppress the need to vomit all night

Runaway1 · 17/02/2023 14:53

Thank you to the pp who said ‘small dick energy’ - this is going in my back pocket for the next time I come across a bunch of pricks like this. And I’ll share it with my daughter when she’s old enough.

I do wonder what the pub management would do about them basically harrassing female customers. Because this kind of bullshit shouldn’t be acceptable any more.

Pinky1011 · 17/02/2023 15:02

Imo a 4 is quite good if you put zero effort in and are just running around doing mummy errands. (I know it's not important and they are total dicks) but I probably look like a -2 when I'm in the same mode as you are, so a 4 isn't doing too bad considering you put in zero effort.

Ponderoveryonder · 17/02/2023 15:03

I really hate the idea of these men and everything they represent.
But i have to say, I hate small dick jokes / micro penis jokes just as much.
I’d have a kind man with a micro penis over an abusive one with a massive dick any day of the week.

Catinadome · 17/02/2023 15:05

I always think going on about small dicks is a poor response, I would never say this as it shows you are riled up.

Obviously they were horrible and that is the main issue but issue 2 is that you let them get in your head and remain there.

I have spent a lifetime of not caring what any man thinks of me. Actually being like that gives them zero powers over you. The amount of men I have pissed off by being utterly disinterested in their thoughts including insults is vast.

But I was raised by a woman who said to rely on myself for my own self esteem and not the opinion of others, especially men.

No one can control what others think of them all we have is control over our own actions and reactions to situations. We all come across obnoxious men in life it’s sadly a given.

Awumminnscotland · 17/02/2023 15:06

Wow! Just read through all the responses and am horrified to see how few people have named it for what it is, misogynistic abuse. It won't ever be a hate crime because women don't matter as much as men in this world.
To all the people saying just change if you really want to..!!!What!? So if the OP did take this to heart and feel that yes it does actually fit with what she thinks of herself and she goes ahead and makes changes on her appearance based on her reaction to this then that's OK?
OP I'm really sorry you had to experience this anti social behaviour which is abuse.
I find it staggering that in today's culture of being so aware of offending anyone that this is just seen as an unfortunate incident.
I also find it interesting that most people seem to think it's a specific type of man that does this. It's not.
Of all the different types of men pp stated , mn posters will have partners who fit those descriptions. Therefore all the posters perspectives will be different.
Maybe let's start naming abuse when we see it.

Friendofdennis · 17/02/2023 15:12

These kind of comments from men can really play on your mind because part of you thinks they may be right. But these comments are meaningless because they are made to insult women and to upset us. The whole concept of ‘rating ‘ someone on their looks is so vile and undermining of people. We are made to feel inadequate in so many ways. It’s utter crap. I wonder whether for your own sake you could start to think about how you are valuable in other ways, not just looks.

OMG12 · 17/02/2023 15:15

Awumminnscotland · 17/02/2023 15:06

Wow! Just read through all the responses and am horrified to see how few people have named it for what it is, misogynistic abuse. It won't ever be a hate crime because women don't matter as much as men in this world.
To all the people saying just change if you really want to..!!!What!? So if the OP did take this to heart and feel that yes it does actually fit with what she thinks of herself and she goes ahead and makes changes on her appearance based on her reaction to this then that's OK?
OP I'm really sorry you had to experience this anti social behaviour which is abuse.
I find it staggering that in today's culture of being so aware of offending anyone that this is just seen as an unfortunate incident.
I also find it interesting that most people seem to think it's a specific type of man that does this. It's not.
Of all the different types of men pp stated , mn posters will have partners who fit those descriptions. Therefore all the posters perspectives will be different.
Maybe let's start naming abuse when we see it.

Yes. Always call out abuse - but I have to caveat this unfortunately with saying in a safe way

Howdoesitworkagain · 17/02/2023 15:15

Inyournightgarden · 17/02/2023 12:47

I’m not defending these men for one moment, it’s a sad, pathetic way to behave.

but

have you never heard the discussions groups of women have about men’s appearances? They are brutal. Don’t just blame men, women do this too

No, women do not use these tactics to put men in their place when they happen to be occupying space when out with their families. Give your head a wobble.

Cam22 · 17/02/2023 15:17

They sound like a group of Neanderthal potato heads.

Cam22 · 17/02/2023 15:21

It is a certain type who would do this. I disagree with the poster up thread. They feel inadequate because they are thick and ugly so they do this to make themselves feel better.

Jaslima · 17/02/2023 15:22

This morning my 7 year old son invented a game called 'Rock, scissors, penis'. When he described it to me, I involuntarily pulled an expression that was comprised of 33% bemused, 33% grossed out and a final 33% not bothered.

Its the same look as when someone makes a really stupid suggestion or when you suddenly smell a fart mid sentence. It's similar to when your mum mentions sex: you feel a bit grossed out but mildly amused. It's involves a furrowing of the brow, with one side of the mouth raised while retaining the spirit of not taking the situation too seriously.

Basically, if a man ever rates you on a scale on 0-10, you look at him like he's an idiot but with a remaining expression that shows that idiots don't bother you anyway.

MissCrowley · 17/02/2023 15:24

I would've fired back "still way out of your league then as I'd rate you lot a 0 on appearance and personality."
They're dicks, take no notice.

Jux · 17/02/2023 15:27

What did they score in your scale? That's what matters to you really; even if they were all over 8 they're not worth your attention, let alone concern and certainly not any sort of change.

Be yourself. If you're happy with yourself then you'll be attractive to the types who are worth it. Ignore the others, they're not worthy of you.

fishonabicycle · 17/02/2023 15:29

Those men a grade A c*nts to do that, and you know that, but of course it's still hurtful x big hug.

Jaslima · 17/02/2023 15:33

Ì don't think that these quips about small penises and rating the men back is helpful. In my experience, these kinds of men find it hilarious when women take the bait. They don't care how we rate them. They already know the league they are in and it's not the point. It's about humiliating women. The best thing is to show them that you don't care or act like you didn't understand. Ignore it and make sure they see you laughing and acting completely normally right afterwards. You want to give them the impression that their words had absolutely no effect on you whatsoever.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 17/02/2023 15:34

A group of boys at school used to do the ranking thing, and they always ranked me very low. I was so insecure that being ranked really knocked me but looking back at photos, I can see that actually I was quite pretty.

So firstly, I totally get where you are coming from, to be upset by it. It's easy to say, "Ignore them" but harder in practice. But, more importantly, they are talking shit. The 'rank' has nothing to do with how you actually look, and everything to do with them being twats.

NotAnotherBathBomb · 17/02/2023 15:37

'You don't owe prettiness to anyone. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked 'female.''- Erin McKean

SunshineLoving · 17/02/2023 15:38

Ffs. What small men. I wonder what you'd rate them.

Don't give it another thought. I am sure you are stunning. Don't let people try and power trip you and make you doubt yourself.

Maximojo · 17/02/2023 15:41

These were not men, they were little boys. If these were actual children making silly comments to people as they passed by, you would attribute it to low self esteem and poor upbringing and that is the appropriate response to these inadequate idiots. Decent, well balanced men would not behave in such a way in, particularly to a woman with a small child present. You are lovely just as you are.

Herroyal · 17/02/2023 15:46

What a bunch of useless, pin heads. And they were all Chippendales were they, these meatheads?
Put it out of your head, I've long since given up paying any attention to the opinions or comments of randoms. Twats.

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 17/02/2023 15:48

OP I'm sorry, I haven't got time to read the whole thread just now. However, I was in a bookshop earlier and saw a book called Women Don't Owe You Pretty. It might be a good read?

Ignore the little boys outside the pub, males like that are not worth anyone's headspace. I'm sure you are perfect just as you are xx

CrescentMoons · 17/02/2023 15:50

And you rank them
0
totally arseholes, mean, misogynistic and not a personality between them and then wonder why women don’t want to date them

RedDogBlueDog · 17/02/2023 15:55

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.