Rated a '4' by men in the pub last night. How can I glow up?

[MsFrog]

Walked past some men last night who were rating women. I know they are dicks, I know it's disgusting behaviour, but it's made me feel completely shit. I mean, I was out with my kids for a pub tea, so I had put zero effort in. But I do look crap most of the time and I feel like my husband must be ashamed of me. Other mums manage to look nice, so having young kids is no excuse.

I'm not really used to doing hair/make up/ being stylish. Any easy tips to feel a bit better about myself?

I wouldn't have been angry or upset, I would have been relieved beyond measure. These are exactly the kind of men I don't want to appeal to because these are exactly the kind of men who sidle up behind you at the bar and rub their groin against your buttocks because there's "no room". There's always room when it's a man in front of them, however.

To add fairness though, I do discuss physical appearances with my 19yo, men and women since she's bi and I am adult enough and comfortable enough to admit I do find some women attractive. Apart from a passing, "S/he's really pretty," from DD we only ever discuss celebrities.

We do make disparaging comments, though we've never rated anyone. For example, DD thinks all the men I find attractive have massive heads. I think all the men she finds attractive could do with a good bath and a hairbrush. We agree on some women, but not many.

I'm sure there are plenty of men and women who would find you physically appealing, OP. And plenty who don't. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.

Learn to feel good about yourself. If you change anything, do it for yourself, not for some tosser in the pub who won't even recognise you if he sees you again. And certainly not for that kind of man.

Forget those toads.

Sorry you had to walk past them

Now repeat after me. I'm enough, I'm worthy, I'm beautiful

What losers. Are they teenagers? It's just a bit pathetic.

They probably just want to impress their friends by giving silly answers like 4 but it's going to strong especially if you don't feel great in your appearance actually it's poetically worse if you look your best and get called a 4!

Have encountered twats like this. You'll forget it soon enough

You're giving them a power they don't deserve.

You could sit at a table with some mates, drinking wine, laughing at men and saying low numbers to them. The ones who were insecure about their appearance would be hurt by it. But it wouldn't make you some magical arbiter of attractiveness. It would just make you a dick.

If you want to change things to make you feel good, then go for it. But don't do it for these men. The only thing they deserve is the middle finger.

I would have challenged him to an arm wrestle and I would have fucking won😊because men like that are all piss and wind😏.

Sting! Not strong.

Ahhh OP, don't beat yourelf up for being upset by a comment designed to upset you! I would have been too. But that's what it was, not a reflection of you, but aimed to upset you in order to make this guy look like a Billy Big Balls to his mates. He would have said the same to any woman walking past- more so to someone with a kid with them, disgusting as that might be, but he'd have been thinking "no way will she start back on me if she's got a kids with her". They pick on people smaller than themselves, like any common bully. He must be so insecure to have to try and get his validation that way- sad way to live.

If it helps, I got called a spotty minger by a complete stranger at the swimming pool, and was helpless to think of a comeback, not least cause I didn't have my contact lenses in so couldn't even see whod said it! (I was spotty too, but I can always put some slap on...you can't put concealer on a shit personality).

Depressing for those poor women yeah.

The kind of men who sit around openly rating women are likely to have a very specific and stereotyped view of what is attractive. I'd be willing to bet that you're naturally prettier OP than some Barbie their tiny brains give a 10 because they can see boobs and hair and makeup.

Hi OP so sorry that this happened to you! Absolutely disgusting of them to think they have the right to sit there and rate women like that. I think it’s easy to think of all of these amazing come backs after the fact but in the moment it can feel incredible hurtful and demeaning. Please don’t let those vile men make you feel the need to change yourself. What I will say is that if you do want to have a bit of a pamper/glow up…make sure you’re doing it for you!! Do what makes you feel good and more confident but don’t feel like you have to impress creeps like that. I’m sure the “8” wasn’t wanting to go home with any of them…

I would've said 'Is that your cock size?.... in centimetres right?'

I think anything you do should be for you and not in any way what these silly little boys said. Don't think on it. Your body is wonderful. It carried and birthed your child. Your face is wonderful. It's the first smile your child sees in the morning and the last kiss they get at night. Ignore these losers xx

I’m so sorry that happened to you. You did not deserve that. Fucking arseholes.

Next time say ‘well at least I’m a 4 because you’re a zero’ very loudly & walk on by.

This.

He knew you’d caught him behaving like a dick, and he was trying to put you in your place.

I understand why you're so upset.

Most people are generally horrible.

Eew.

In my youth I had a group of guys like this rate me "highly" and I assure you that it made me feel cheap and dirty. Because they were thinking about my body in a disgusting way and imagining what they'd like to do to me. There's no good score from guys like this.

Please don't give them any thought. Were you unhappy with your appearance before this experience? If so, change your wardrobe or hair cut or makeup for your own pleasure. If not, focus on the people who love you.

Fwiw, I rate myself as a 5. I am average looking. As are most people.

Yeh, absolute DICKheads but if you were a 4 they wouldn't have noticed a woman having tea with her kids. i bet they were minus five

It’s really nasty and upsetting isn’t it? I am sure most of us have had similar from total knobcheeses at some point or another. Three of mine: when very young - ‘where are your tits?’ (I wore padded bras for years afterwards); (something like) ‘your girlfriend is so ugly’ (said to my boyfriend now husband, perhaps to pick a fight) and completely ruined a gig we were off to for me, and worst of all, when my FIL arrived to my house on the day of my wedding, he shouted out to the man over the street that I ‘needed to get some make-up on as I was frightening everyone in the street’. Not quite as bad or direct as yours OP but I totally know why this has knocked your self esteem. But please don’t let it. They do it to intimidate/humiliate women and it’s the worst kind of pathetic. As others have said, don’t give them a moment more of your thoughts.

OP I'm so sorry this happened to you but as others have said only absolute low-life ugly men act like this.

I remember getting a like on a dating app and when I checked it some bloke had commented on a photo of me and my friends saying 'prefer your friends'. You only get a certain amount of likes per day and I remember thinking really, you wasted a like to tell me that? Then I checked his profile and honestly the AUDACITY, this man was so ugly!! I'd have never dated him anyway and neither would my friends.

I used to run a plus size account on a social media site to encourage other plus size people to feel good about themselves and it was easy to brush off the typical 'you're fat and ugly' comments but the one that really bothered me was a guy tagging his friend in one of my posts and saying 'your bae 😍' and then having a back and forth where the punchline was clearly that I was ugly and neither would ever want to date me - again, the ABSOLUTE AUDACITY of these men who I certainly wouldn't have gone for? People who feel the need to tell you that you're ugly do so because they know they're bloody ugly and they want to drag everyone down with them.

Please, please ignore them. You sound like a fabulous Mum and I'm glad you have such a lovely DH. Don't ever change a thing about yourself to please these creepy, disgusting men.

Oh my God. What horrible arses! I would be upset too even though I would know they were arses. Years ago on a night out I walked past a man who kindly shouted 'nah, not good looking enough love'. I hadn't even been looking in his direction and only turned and looked when he started speaking to me. I knew he was an asshole at the time but felt really ugly nevertheless.

Op, I have experienced similar and its awful. I'm so sorry. I was a new mother pushing a newborn in a pram and some absolute piece of shite started shouting I was a fat dog out of his van, filled with his laughing mates, it actually led to agoraphobia for a couple of years.

I also though have to say whilst this crushed me at the time, i realise now that actually, I'm a solid fucking 8, 10 with a filter and an 11 with the right attitude.

You don't change yourself for these cunts, they're a bunch of spineless little boys who probably have more issues than we all have combined. People who are truly confident don't need to degrade others and whilst it sounds easier to say than believe, it's true.

Just because some abhorrent little wankers used you to make themselves feel good, it doesn't mean you're not beautiful, it means they're pathetic.

I ended up falling into a trap of being heavily made up, hair done etc when ever I had to go out and with hindsight, I just wish I'd have spent my time sleeping more.

I get flack on these boards a fair bit for saying we're all beautiful and not everyone believes it, but how often do you find someone beautiful because they've given you a smile etc, nobody is ugly, nobody doesn't have attractive features etc, what we don't have is confidence and self love.

I wasted years too scared to leave the house without my (absolutely fucking gorgeous, might I add) DP, and those trips I could have taken, the park, the beach, the fucking asda, I didn't do because some boring little rodents called me a dog, I feel silly even admitting this but if knowing how much I regret giving those silly twats headspace can help you, please let it. 💐💐💐

Well next time you’re there rate them a minus 400

They are just tragic misogynistic pricks trying to get a rise. Don’t turn yourself inside out for them: they are the kind of men who think any woman over 25 is past it. There is no cure for stupid.

Its actually a very insidious way for men who, to put it politely, might otherwise 'struggle', to try to win female attention.
Look at what's happened here. The OP has been completely diverted from how little these men no doubt bring to the table themselves in both looks and character, and is focusing on her own 'inadequacies'.
Her confidence falls, and the end game is that were she single, she may be more receptive to substandard men, having been trained to think she herself is below average.
As a technique, the destroying of women's confidence can serve men with very little to offer very well. The acceptable and desirable ones don't need to do it.

They’re pond life and I wouldn’t give it another thought. You sound happily married with children so why would start to question whether your DH is ashamed of you, just because of their comments ? You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone, so concentrate on that - and on having the utmost sympathy with whatever wives and girlfriends these dickheads have at home.