Rated a '4' by men in the pub last night. How can I glow up?

[MsFrog]

Walked past some men last night who were rating women. I know they are dicks, I know it's disgusting behaviour, but it's made me feel completely shit. I mean, I was out with my kids for a pub tea, so I had put zero effort in. But I do look crap most of the time and I feel like my husband must be ashamed of me. Other mums manage to look nice, so having young kids is no excuse.

I'm not really used to doing hair/make up/ being stylish. Any easy tips to feel a bit better about myself?

So sorry this happened @MsFrog. I can understand how hurtful it would have been to hear and when you are not already feeling great about yourself you do immediately think you need to work on it.

But these toads would have done that to any woman who made eye contact because it’s not a value judgement on you : it’s a power move. That’s how they make themselves feel good about being below par humans.

The type of men who behave like that in a group, in public and think it’s funny likely have skid marked undies, no personal hygiene standards, the personalities of gnomes and the bedroom skills of your average virgin incel. Skip about at the thought you’d never attract the ‘romantic’ intentions of one of those!

Actually, I'd forgotten about this but on a night out a few years back I was with my friend and some blokes were deciding if they 'would give me one' Fortunately for me I had enough alcohol to say 'what are you talking about!! What makes you think I'm into losers for christ sake!

That was the end of the discussion!

What you were doing with your child makes you a 10 for me. Those men are minus numbers. I'm talking about worth as a human being.

Oh I do feel for you OP. I've had random, negative comments about my appearance shouted at me in the street since I was about 12 😥It's shit. I've got better at ignoring it though, especially since I met my lovely husband and had my DS. As lots of other posters have said, the problem is 100% with them, they are utter tossers. Try not to give them any more headspace.

You made eye contact. Scum like this wouldn’t have expected this from a woman and this was their retaliation - cruelty to “put you back in your place”. That being said, I understand why you are upset and I absolutely would be too. I have a 10 month old, am 3/4 of the way through chemo, have one boob, my skin is grey and my hair is rapidly falling out. I know I look like shit and I don’t care what my friends and DH say. If this had happened to me it would have shattered me because it would tap into how I already feel. You can know they’re arseholes and still be upset, it doesn’t make you weak. Give it some time and don’t beat yourself up about letting it get to you ❤️

The kind of men without women in their lives, and the kind for whose womenfolk you feel pity and concern are like this. Men who denigrate their mothers. Decent men are like your husband. You aren't a commodity to be rated out of ten, you are a whole adult human being, and they are pissed off they have no chance with you - or let's face it, any other woman. And they honestly don't understand why.

They are asses and be glad your not married to one.
I remember going home to dh after similar style incident and told him about it. He gave me a huge hug and told me he would love me in a bin bag.

my god just think. If you were a ten to these men, these are the men you’d attract! PIGS!

I can only echo what others have said. They are not worth the headspace.

I agree with some other posters who are saying if you do want to 'glow up' because you want to, then do that. Take the time to cherish yourself in the same way your husband obviously does!

My worst moment came when I had a problem with my eyes. It meant I had to wear sunglasses at all times during waking hours. I was walking along a busy, city street, on a dull November day, resplendent in my sunglasses. Some prick spotted me and shouted to his mates 'Check the state of that!! What does it think it is!! It thinks it's famous and gorgeous!!' His mates looked and laughed in response to his shouted comment.

I was in tears, not because of the prick's 'judgement' as I'm usually quite secure in who I am and my looks (and the looks of others) don't bother me, but because I felt vulnerable due to my condition.

Might there be something in that for you?

I’m not defending these men for one moment, it’s a sad, pathetic way to behave.

but

have you never heard the discussions groups of women have about men’s appearances? They are brutal. Don’t just blame men, women do this too

Did you tell him he rated a 3 but if he got rid of the pot belly you would give him a 4?

How dare these men think they have the right to rate you! I bet they weren't all that themselves. Please don't let them get to you.

I hate this rating of people's appearance. Gross. Like rhe phrase " solid 10" pisses me off.

My god, can there be a single thread on this site where men have shown themselves to be misogynistic pigs without someone breaking their neck to ‘but women do bad things do’.

I don’t know what women you know but I have never seen a group of women publicly denigrate any man in the way these men did the OP.

There are plenty of boards where your ‘but women are awful too’ shite is welcome - take it there. And have a think about why it’s so important for you to say things like this on a thread where a woman has been so publicly hurt and humiliated BY MEN.

Your talking about a discussion group, no men present in person. This happened in a face to face random encounter. Quite different.

Right now, I'm probably a 2. Maybe a 1.

When I do get dressed up, I'd probably score a 9 easily. To the point that a bloke I've worked with for 15 years did a double take at the Christmas party as he didn't recognise me for a few minutes. I'm sure are too.

I don't care that I'm a 1 or a 2 today, because I'm rather busy with important stuff like doing a great job at work, spending time with DC and doing valuable family things to care whether or not some random man gets a boner or not looking at me.

You know who thinks I'm a constant 10, even when I'm in my hideous fluffy manky dressing gown? DH. Because even when I look as rough as a badgers arse, he thinks I'm bloody brilliant. And he is the only man I want getting a boner for me.

Your kids will remember that day out with you. That's what matters.

I suppose it just shows I need to address my feelings about myself

It says nothing about you and you shouldn't have to address anything.

But... realistically you're clearly feeling down about it. So genuinely, what does make you feel confident and happy about yourself? I'm not thinking about looks necessarily... but positive affirmations. What are you good at, what have you succeeded at, and what have you done so far today that you did amazingly at?

You're a mum... so your body created life. That's pretty cool. I remind myself of that every time I see my c-section overhang and honestly it makes me smile now 😅. If anyone ever commented negatively on that I would literally give them both barrels 😂

Remind yourself how great you are! It will help you forget their horrible comments.

This times a million.

Did you rate them on their brain capacity? Ignore these nasty men.

Wonder what would've happened if you'd made a complaint at the bar. Getting banned would have served them right.

Oh gosh OP, ignore them. Don’t take the opinion of misogynist on board, not worth the headspace!

If that happens again look them straight in the eye and say «zero » laugh and walk off.

I despair about some men. I could walk down the street a gazillion times and never have my head turned by anyone. Actually once, but he turned out to be Jason Orange from Take That (stunning in person). But i see so many gorgeous women out there. Even the ones who dont make an effort, still look decent. Can't men see that 99% arent oil paintings themselves!!

OP, truthfully id be crushed too, but ultimately they were bullies and only you know how you look/feel. I look very dowdy on the school run and actually people are quite shocked when they spot me on the way to work as i look really great when i actually make an effort. My thought process now is im going to try and not go from one extreme to another, so i at least brush my hair and wear some lippy and wear half decent clothes! That at least gives me a bit more confidence!

I’m nearly 40 and my friendship group is overwhelmingly female and I’ve never, ever been part of a group standing commenting on men’s appearances let alone rating them in earshot.

I take it those men weren’t supermodels themselves.

Wankers. I’m sorry that a bunch of knobs made you feel shit.