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Original poster

Rated a '4' by men in the pub last night. How can I glow up?

242 replies

MsFrog · 17/02/2023 10:50

Walked past some men last night who were rating women. I know they are dicks, I know it's disgusting behaviour, but it's made me feel completely shit. I mean, I was out with my kids for a pub tea, so I had put zero effort in. But I do look crap most of the time and I feel like my husband must be ashamed of me. Other mums manage to look nice, so having young kids is no excuse.

I'm not really used to doing hair/make up/ being stylish. Any easy tips to feel a bit better about myself?

OP posts:
Greyandrare123 · 17/02/2023 19:05

Ive had this Op if it helps. Its nothing to do with your looks. Its everything to do with toxic male aggression.

I also some aggression being visibly disabled. I have a crooked neck and back due to cancer. Its not constant but its definitely there. Oddly I am 'standard good looking' but it doesnt stop the aggression, the sniggering and the comments.

I look how I want to for me and in some ways for my family as I want them to see me looking as well as I can even tho I do have days where I feel bleuch. To do this I have some sort of skin regieme going. Do my hair, slap on a bit of make up and wear nice clothes. It seems to work as I do look well yet Rome is burning.

Dont let these immature idiots get you down. Their assessment of you is invalid. Utterly invalid.

herecomesthsun · 17/02/2023 19:08

GettingStuffed · 17/02/2023 18:25

I'd have returned the comments with something like Its a good job women don't do this about men because you'd be a two.

I know my husband loves me and I'm sure yours loves you too.

If you want to look better when you go out plan your outfit, brush your hair and put on make up, shouldn't take more than ten minutes, I can give you a 5 minute make up routine. Foundation or tinted moisturiser, eyeshadow, light I've lower lid medium from centre of eye out , mascara if wanted, far of blush on outside of cheeks , which can be omitted if you wear glasses, then lipstick or gloss.

This usually gives a step up from normal but not look in overly made up

*I'd have returned the comments with something like Its a good job women don't do this about men because you'd be a two." wow, pretty close to my first thought...but put more politely

iklboo · 17/02/2023 19:08

Bet they would've have amounted to a 4 putting the lot of them together. Toxic arseholes.

Summerof85 · 17/02/2023 19:44

Sorry this happened to you OP. I was walking past a bunch of teenage guys minding my own business a few months ago when one of them said to the other "there's a bird for you" and they all laughed. I turned round and said "what did you say, how dare you speak to me like that etc" .I was absolutely furious, when I got my phone out to take photos they pulled their hoods up. They were laughing but walking away then they ran off with me still shouting at them. People will say I shouldn't have reacted but I was raging and thinking of my teenage daughter if they had said that to her. Also I was in a public area with CCTV. I know for a fact if they were on their own they wouldn't have dared say anything.

Calphurnia88 · 17/02/2023 20:16

botemp · 17/02/2023 17:06

It's tough when something so heinous touches on an insecurity, but it doesn't make it true OP. In contrast, it speaks volumes of this pathetic group of men.

It's very easy for those who it didn't happen to, to say, ignore it, it's meaningless, or come up with some cutting comeback in retrospect but the damage has already been done. He's made a mess of you and now you're expected to tidy up after yourself too. It's grossly unfair.

Be kind to yourself, time will give you perspective and give you clarity, absolutely nothing that you did or could have done changes that this was something done to you for which you cary absolutely no blame.

You don't owe your appearance to anyone but yourself, if you want to change anything about it, do so when you've caught your breath and with your own interests in mind only. I'm sure the posters on this board will be happy to cheer you on when you're ready.

❤️

nocoolnamesleft · 17/02/2023 20:42

The best way to glam up is with a tasteful pair of dangling earrings, adorned with the ballocks of the arsehole who dissed you.

Caramac555 · 17/02/2023 21:13

Honestly I don't know how most British men have the nerve, most have very little dress sense, low taste/budget tattoos and are crap in bed because they haven't figure out foreplay starts between the ears for most women.

Most of them need their ability to put a shelf up or enthusiasm to put the bins out to reach a 4.

Cotswoldmama · 17/02/2023 21:14

I think it's disgusting, even if they said 10, it's vile to be objectified and judged like that.

Summerof85 · 17/02/2023 22:59

nocoolnamesleft · 17/02/2023 20:42

The best way to glam up is with a tasteful pair of dangling earrings, adorned with the ballocks of the arsehole who dissed you.

This made me laugh, if only! 😂

Summerof85 · 17/02/2023 23:05

OP the point I was making is there are arseholes everywhere despite what you look like or what you are wearing. Change your appearance or whatever became it's what you want, not to please anyone else. Having young kids is so much hard work and tiring. 🌺

cocopops11 · 18/02/2023 11:38

@MsFrog how are you doing today? Hope you're ok and are able to do something nice for yourself this weekend ❤

LadyEloise1 · 18/02/2023 19:09

@Caramac555 "...... Most of them need their ability to put a shelf up or enthusiasm to put the bins out to reach a 4."
😂 you are bold !

Original poster
MsFrog · 21/02/2023 14:18

@cocopops11 thanks for asking how I'm getting on. I know this thread was days ago, but I came back on to re-read through, and I just wanted to say thank again so much for everyone's comments. Some of you have shared some really personal stuff and it's all been very helpful.

The responses really made me pay attention to how I've been feeling - which is pretty crap for a long time! I think some quite bad things about myself, and that's why I got so upset about those arseholes.

I've really resolved to try and find some time for myself and do things that make me feel good. I've started a skincare routine, started drinking more water, and made time for a shower every day. These things sound small, but they have felt massive to me.

Thanks again for the support, everyone ☺️

OP posts:
cocopops11 · 21/02/2023 21:59

@MsFrog you are welcome and glad you are feeling a bit better ❤
I think it can be hard not to internalise the words of jerks like that, but remember you are wonderful as you are and I'm glad you are taking time to do things that make you happy

echt · 21/02/2023 22:16

This thread has made me feel so proud of MNers, rallying to support a poster and put the misogynists in their place.

The best way to glam up is with a tasteful pair of dangling earrings, adorned with the ballocks of the arsehole who dissed you

Excellent advice from nocoolnamesleft

mathanxiety · 21/02/2023 22:46

Were they pub patrons?

I'd call the pub manager, tell him or her what happened, and that you're never going back and will warn your friends to steer clear too.

Grown men indulging in this sort of shit - in front of children too - is appalling.

You owe these Neanderthals nothing. Don't start making yourself look good because of the insult they leveled at you. Do it if you care about yourself and if you think a healthier you would be a happier you.

Original poster
MsFrog · 22/02/2023 11:56

@mathanxiety yes - that's exactly what I want to do, thanks to this thread. Be healthier and feel better about myself. I'll get my dangly bollocks earrings ordered 😜

OP posts:
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