tell me my obsession is healthy!

[babymooner]

Apologies if this is a bit rambling. Long time lurker and reader of all posts style and beauty. The essence of my question is how okay is it to care deeply about clothes and general appearance?
Let me explain. I am a fifty year old woman. Three children (in or approaching teenage years), a very happy marriage and a very fulfilling career. i am also border line obsessed with clothes and my appearance. I've kibbed myself, done my colours, created style boards, cleared out and replenished my wardrobe, photographed good outfits, and spent a small fortune on clothes (new, ebay, charity shops, the whole works). All (most) of which I love, and I earn good money so it's okay. But is it okay? Every so often I do wonder... to whatend? Who is this for? i don't have a sparkling social life (see: three children and full time big job). I don't have anyone I'm trying to 'keep up with'. It's all just me and my head. It's not a confidence thing either - I'm very comfortable in my skin, etc etc. And yet the time and effortI put into buyingclothes, organising clothes(because I have so many), planning outfits etc you'd think I was in the public eye or running a fashion business.
Is this normal? is this okay? More to the point, does anyone else do this? To be clear, I get joy from it. I have always loved fashion and clothes and I'm a creative, so use clothes to express myself. But sometimes I am literally expressing myself to the dog, and I do worry that I should get over myself. Then again, when I see someone in the street who looks fantastic, it makes me smile and I always compliment them. My worry is that sometimes I'll accept an invitation and the main thing I'm thinking about is that it gives me an opportunity to wear a particular dress/item of clothing that I've bought and which has been sitting in my wardrobe waiting for an opportunity. Am I dressing for my life, or living for my clothes? Does it matter either way? Sometimes I think I should live in Rome where dressing up is a thing in itself:) But I don't... I live in suburban, leafy London. So... thoughts? Please don't be too mean...

Whatever gets you through the night is alright as John Lennon said.

I think it sounds like it’s your hobby! There’s nothing wrong with that, lots of people love fashion. It’s a bit of a bummer for you that you don’t think you have enough places to wear your clothes. I make my clothes and basically got through lockdown by using Instagram to connect with other makers and share what I was doing. You could do something like that!

It sounds like it's your thing/hobby. If you can afford it and it's making you happy, I don't see why you shouldn't!

Well it sounds normal to me! And my obsession for all things beauty and fashion led to my career - I have my own business in affiliate marketing and brands pay me to promote (although I spent some years building up a following on social media to be able to promote to!)

It's a hobby. You get joy from it. It's nice to have nice things. My weakness is beauty products but I love very specific clothes too. And trainers. And perfume. Oh all sorts! And I spend a lot of time thinking about how to store it best - my current passion is researching antique apothecary drawers

So just put it out of your mind - you enjoy what you enjoy. I mean, you could enjoy reading or swimming or sewing ... why is fashion and beauty any different? It isn't

I do that you describe.

It gives me something to do. It’s another place for my creativity to flow.
I also am in my head so much that going to the shops is a very physical thing to do and it pulls me out of myself.
It’s my hobby.

It’s creative expression and I love it too! I wear very bright clothes and big, chunky glasses frames and I like to use clothes to make a statement and an impact. It’s fun and a nice way to feel good about how I look - not harming anyone and I love how fashion is becoming more and more inclusive, expressive and creative.

Good for you! At least someone does - I don’t do this stuff to the same extent but am getting into it and in a way I really secretly love. I found buying stuff does make me happy… ok to others maybe not a huge revelation! But really… having nice things around me makes me happy, I bought into the opposite (having stuff won’t make you happy…which is true to an extent). I am finding out more about my style, sometimes spend a while looking at things online and keeping tabs before taking the plunge. I like buying things online and not being in a store (and maybe judged!), returning things is easy. It is building up my taste away from “tastemakers” and taking the pressure off. I used to feel flat trekking across town only to find nothing. I can do it on my own time and at my comfort. It’s really building my confidence in a way I’m comfortable with. It’s making me realise frugality is great but treats are too. Instagram has opened my eyes to a lot more body positivity and different styles - before I thought style was what Vogue told us it was. Also I am buying only a few things of very good quality rather than more from primark that I rush buy in a panic.

So anyway… I saw your post and thought good for you! I’m not the same but wanted to say well done and celebrate feeling good about yourself doesn’t matter if we’re in the burbs or Milan!

It's fine! My hobby is makeup/beauty
Put me in selfridges beauty hall and I'm happy for ages trying stuff, swatching eyeshadows, testing perfumes. My dad did threaten if I died he was going to scatter my ashes in the beauty hall
I like buying stuff, using it, reading about it and I don't see it as a waste because I enjoy it

Ah, thank you! Feel much better already. It's a hobby. sometimes I just feel so materialistic and 'looks obsessed'. And I'm not... I mean, I'm not vain. I just LOVE experimenting with clothes. I should have a job where I have to change outfits three times a day really. And actually I think it's been worse during lockdown where I haven't been going to the office. I love being around people and buzz and being stuck at home hasn't been been great...
Anyway, thanks all. Shall go back to tracking down the perfect cashmere poloneck on ebay:)

On Classic Emmerdale today the new vets receptionist said she changes at least three times a day I love clothes too but also don't have the lifestyle to match just now.

babymooner Oh the WORST to find something you love but it’s sold out/ from years ago. Had this once with a top… I will not give up! Have google alerts set up. Am determined :)

I have actually tracked stuff down on ebay that i gave away years ago because I suddenly really, really want it again... you see? Unhealthily obsessed:)

Maybe i'm still playing barbie, just with myself. Today I shall be 'military barbie with a side order of Parisienne insouciance'; tomorrow I shall be floaty dress barbie with a belted jacket to add a bit of structure...
( I never had a Barbie. Could that be the problem...?;))

Clothes is also my hobby, I love them and put time into it. Also have young kids and a full time job, don’t often need to look nice as I wfh. And yet I still love clothes and buying/looking at them. When we do go out I always have something great to wear.
As long as you can afford it, enjoy!

Do you question the healthiness of men who lavish huge amounts of time and money on vintage cars, when they can only drive one vehicle at once? Or of people who cover their walls in art that few people will ever see? Or people whose wine cellars are their pride and joy, though they will never drink more than a fraction of the wine?

You are human. Human beings are allowed interests and obsessions. As long as they’re legal, and preferably not bankrupting you, you have no need to justify yourself to yourself, or anyone else.

FWIW I’m older than you, and clothes are my default obsession. Not much interested in outfits though, just individual pieces. And just as fascinated with dressing other people as myself.

Ps - I’m not sure you’d find Rome any more satisfying after a few days. Self expression through dress is much more of an English thing!

thank you all. I was half expecting to get a whole load of 'gosh you are so shallow' comments and I am so happy to have had such a lot of nice positive comments instead.

Crack on. It makes you happy, you can afford it, you use ebay and charity shops as well as buying new. So not disastrous environmentally. Enjoy!

And you're absolutely right, people collect all sorts of things. Son has gone through Lego, Warhammer and lots more, and my husband is borner line obsessed with his golf swing.. I am going to reframe my relationship with clothes. I shall 'curate' instead of 'sort'. And I won't furtively hide bags of new stuff but will instead embrace my love of style.

I’m like this with make up and a while ago I stopped seeing it as an ‘obsession’ and more of a hobby. DH golfs, spends a fortune on playing, on new clubs, new balls, new bags. I spend a fraction of that. I enjoy watching tutorials, following make up artists, watching swatches and reviews and I would say almost collect from a certain luxury brand. If you enjoy it, you can afford it - do it!

Just think of it as your hobby OP. If it brings you pleasure and doesn't hurt anyone else, go for it.

Love 'collect'. I have a great 'collection' of clothes. Perhaps I shall bequeath it to the V&A

I’m like you, a couple of years ago I read that it’s a form of self care and it clicked. I don’t do long baths, meditation, jigsaw puzzles or adult colouring in books. I have my half an hour today to focus on how I want to present myself that day and my family have learnt not to interrupt.

And by the way, you're right, Mullets are SO misunderstood...:)

@babymooner

Love 'collect'. I have a great 'collection' of clothes. Perhaps I shall bequeath it to the V&A

Don’t donate them but do check out the v&a shop for interesting accessories!

Omg .go lady go! You be you! If you want to make an effort better than being a bum. Your 50 and obviously a young trendy lady. Enjoy life. It's way too short!