tell me my obsession is healthy!

[babymooner]

Apologies if this is a bit rambling. Long time lurker and reader of all posts style and beauty. The essence of my question is how okay is it to care deeply about clothes and general appearance?
Let me explain. I am a fifty year old woman. Three children (in or approaching teenage years), a very happy marriage and a very fulfilling career. i am also border line obsessed with clothes and my appearance. I've kibbed myself, done my colours, created style boards, cleared out and replenished my wardrobe, photographed good outfits, and spent a small fortune on clothes (new, ebay, charity shops, the whole works). All (most) of which I love, and I earn good money so it's okay. But is it okay? Every so often I do wonder... to whatend? Who is this for? i don't have a sparkling social life (see: three children and full time big job). I don't have anyone I'm trying to 'keep up with'. It's all just me and my head. It's not a confidence thing either - I'm very comfortable in my skin, etc etc. And yet the time and effortI put into buyingclothes, organising clothes(because I have so many), planning outfits etc you'd think I was in the public eye or running a fashion business.
Is this normal? is this okay? More to the point, does anyone else do this? To be clear, I get joy from it. I have always loved fashion and clothes and I'm a creative, so use clothes to express myself. But sometimes I am literally expressing myself to the dog, and I do worry that I should get over myself. Then again, when I see someone in the street who looks fantastic, it makes me smile and I always compliment them. My worry is that sometimes I'll accept an invitation and the main thing I'm thinking about is that it gives me an opportunity to wear a particular dress/item of clothing that I've bought and which has been sitting in my wardrobe waiting for an opportunity. Am I dressing for my life, or living for my clothes? Does it matter either way? Sometimes I think I should live in Rome where dressing up is a thing in itself:) But I don't... I live in suburban, leafy London. So... thoughts? Please don't be too mean...

Perhaps I shall bequeath it to the V&A

If you were a well known socialite or famously wealthy a museum would probably already have asked you to loan your collection for an exhibition. And you’d be asked to give interviews to Vogue and other magazines.

If there’s anything in your family history that links to your obsession - consider writing a book ...

It's what you're into! Enjoy it!

As long as you are not getting into debt and your clothes aren't spilling out onto the landing, or your child leaves for university and can't come home for the holidays as you've turned their bedroom into a walk in wardrobe the second they were gone, then crack on!

I’ve found my people 😃

Short if the mood boards etc I’m with you OP - plan ahead, immediately start thinking about outfits on receipt of an invitation etc. I do often wear 3 outfits a day depending on activities and love to dress up in the evening, even if just at home. I love magazines and Instagram and blogs about clothes. I wear a full Dave of makeup every day even if the only thing I’m going to do is the ironing. It makes me feel good and does no one any harm - carry on I say!

I get this. And I agree with what Edmontine wrote.
I recommend the book Why Fashion Matters and the podcast Dressed. You'll enjoy them 😊
Fashion IS an art form and it is self expression.
I've been doing a full face of make up on the sofa of an evening, exploring different looks (I'm recovering from a medical thing and stuck at home at the moment).

The only thing is perhaps consider if some aspect of it is bothering you in some level which is why you wrote the post. It's great to spend time and money on something that makes you happy.

But maybe mix it up with arranging a low key social event where you can showcase a fab outfit. Or pass on some great donations to one of those Dress to impress charities that get good interview outfits to people on low incomes.

Sounds like a great hobby. It’s definitely a skill trying to put outfits together. Have you thought of sharing your outfits on Instagram? I’m sure lots of likeminded people would love to see what you are wearing - and how you choose your clothes etc.

For context, I've got zero interest in clothes outside of whether I'm comfortable in them (I live in pyjama bottoms, tracky bottoms, t-shirts and hoodies). It sounds to me like for you clothing is something akin to enjoying painting watercolours, except your canvas is your body when you get up in the morning. I wouldn't think doing painting was pointless just because you weren't selling your paintings or doing exhibitions, so I don't see a problem in you enjoying putting together outfits and wearing them even if the only person who sees you is the postman.

@JaneJeffer 🤗

I'm your age and can relate.
I think carefully about my outfit everyday, even if I'm barely living the house!
I love putting outfits together and love shopping and mixing old with new.

I feel a million times better if I'm looking good, my hair and make up is always simple and I own just a couple of pairs of shoes/boots but just love clothes and 'dressing up'

*leaving not living!!!

I can relate too, and agree that it's a hobby like any other. As far as interests go, it's quite useful as you can wear the clothes! Better than collecting something that is just stored on a shelf.

I actually work from home and live alone so some days I won't even see many people (apart from whoever I see when I go for a walk/to the shops etc.) but still like to choose my outfits carefully - I feel much better in a good outfit! Love putting together different colours, enjoying different textures (autumn/winter is ideal for this with corduroy and knitwear!) and looking at clothes online.

I think it's sometimes considered a less valuable interest because it's mainly seen as a women's hobby! Sports and cars etc. seem to have a different value attached to them.

It is fine if you get so much pleasure from your clothes and other beauty things. I am sure that there are lots of women with the same mindset.

I personally wouldn't like to deal with all the shopping, and all the clothes filling up my house, and heaps of beauty products in all the drawers, with things that may never get used.

My passion is for some beauty outside, as creating nice gardens, that benefit me, and also other people around, beauty that gets better over the years, and never a waste of money.
Everyone is different in the happiness that they create.

Alright, maybe I'll try the instagram thing.
Think my problem is an irish mother who never spent money on herself and so I have this residual feeling of 'who do you think you are dressing up like that?'. Even the Insta thing... I feel like people will look at my posts and judge me:/
But I'm going to do it. Thank you everyone:)

Emm so what spelling mistake. If your good at English you would not want to correct it . Petty Id

I've kibbed myself…

Today, I learned a new urban dictionary word!

…done my colours, created style boards, cleared out and replenished my wardrobe, photographed good outfits, and spent a small fortune on clothes (new, ebay, charity shops, the whole works).

Sounds great. Genuinely. Really enjoyable.

All (most) of which I love, and I earn good money so it's okay. But is it okay?

Er, YES

Every so often I do wonder... to what end? Who is this for? i don't have a sparkling social life (see: three children and full time big job).

Who does? When I think of “people with a sparkling social life” I think of (1) wives of New York investment bankers who probably hate their lives, (2) celebrities who live a miserable life hoping to be invited to stuff to schmooze casting directors (3) QE2, who apparently turned down a gorgeous Norman Hartnell evening gown in the 1970s, because she “didn’t really have anywhere smart enough to wear it”.

I don't have anyone I'm trying to 'keep up with'. It's all just me and my head.

Nothing wrong with that!

It's not a confidence thing either - I'm very comfortable in my skin, etc etc.

Good, and refreshing, to hear.

And yet the time and effort I put into buying clothes, organising clothes(because I have so many), planning outfits etc you'd think I was in the public eye or running a fashion business.

Well, so what? Unless you are suffering from body dysmorphia, or whatever it is called, I think it is great that you want to make a statement with your clothes and care about how you look to the extent that you will put the work in. So few people do. I love to see well-dressed people, and I always want to talk to them. I stopped a woman in the station this week to enquire after the provenance of her fabulous yellow coat. Like you, I smile when I see someone who has made an effort and looks fab. (Disclosure: I, too, REALLY like clothes, shoes and accessories. Why dress to fade into the background?)

It sounds like a hobby so I think it's fine. From a young age I would think about my clothes & shoes & outfits (not make up/hair) & I ended up working in the fashion industry & still have fair too much stuff. I mellowed a bit & comfort is very important to me but I still frame an event around an outfit.

And honestly, there's a science to it. Change a trouser length and the shoes all need to be different, and the jacket/top length... I get quite nerdy about it:) I think when I retire/pay off the mortgage I'd love to be some kind of stylist. I love dressing other people, not just myself.

I have actually tracked stuff down on ebay that i gave away years ago because I suddenly really, really want it again

Ooh thank God it's not just me. NO idea where I'm going to wear that Christopher Kane for Topshop mesh stunned dress tho.

*studded, not stunned

Let us know when you’ve made your Instagram and we can all follow you

Sorry MN is that allowed 😬

I have that C Kane dress!

I love it too. I love reading about style & clothes and talking about them. During lockdown I walked every Friday with a friend. We bought coffee and then spent 15km mostly talking outfits… occasionally skincare. She’s very naturally cool and 10 years younger than me but we both have a love for Scandinavian style. Although I spend time thinking of these things I don’t actually think I’m very vain - I don’t take selfie’s for example. The things that sadden me nowadays are the constant churn of new purchases and the emphasis on fast fashion. I hate it -I want beautiful fabrics and quality. I just looked at The Sartorialist book from 2009 and in many cases you would struggle to date the photos because the styles are so individual - that’s what I’m interested in.

I am exactly the same! Favourite part of a wedding or a night out is planning my outfit. I'm embracing the hobby idea! And I'm sure walking round the shops and trying on loads of outfits counts as a workout so it's a healthy hobby too!

I love clothes too and spend alot of time thinking about my wardrobe (present and future). My last partner said I was really shallow!

But I have a really busy, senior, stressful and sometime gruelling job, am a single parent and have a lot of responsibility and just love clothes. Sadly, now I'm wfh I don't have much of a lifestyle to shop for at the moment, so I've transferred my attentions to lovely things for my house.

You sound like me. I am mid 50’s. I love clothes. I don’t buy lots but what I do buy I research the hell out of. I have been known to spend all day shopping on my own and go back repeatedly to the same place to retry stuff. I hate online clothes shopping, it is soul less. I like to try on.

I have a distinctive style I am complimented on a lot. I think about outfits all the time and how to “circulate” my wardrobe to make sure I wear all my stuff. I work in a hospital and we have to travel in/travel home in our own clothes and I even plan those outfits where I literally drive in, walk into the dept and get changed into uniform.

I am always looking at what people wear. Not to put them down, but to see how those with a look I like put things together. Lockdown with the shops shut was hell for me.