tell me my obsession is healthy!

[babymooner]

Apologies if this is a bit rambling. Long time lurker and reader of all posts style and beauty. The essence of my question is how okay is it to care deeply about clothes and general appearance?
Let me explain. I am a fifty year old woman. Three children (in or approaching teenage years), a very happy marriage and a very fulfilling career. i am also border line obsessed with clothes and my appearance. I've kibbed myself, done my colours, created style boards, cleared out and replenished my wardrobe, photographed good outfits, and spent a small fortune on clothes (new, ebay, charity shops, the whole works). All (most) of which I love, and I earn good money so it's okay. But is it okay? Every so often I do wonder... to whatend? Who is this for? i don't have a sparkling social life (see: three children and full time big job). I don't have anyone I'm trying to 'keep up with'. It's all just me and my head. It's not a confidence thing either - I'm very comfortable in my skin, etc etc. And yet the time and effortI put into buyingclothes, organising clothes(because I have so many), planning outfits etc you'd think I was in the public eye or running a fashion business.
Is this normal? is this okay? More to the point, does anyone else do this? To be clear, I get joy from it. I have always loved fashion and clothes and I'm a creative, so use clothes to express myself. But sometimes I am literally expressing myself to the dog, and I do worry that I should get over myself. Then again, when I see someone in the street who looks fantastic, it makes me smile and I always compliment them. My worry is that sometimes I'll accept an invitation and the main thing I'm thinking about is that it gives me an opportunity to wear a particular dress/item of clothing that I've bought and which has been sitting in my wardrobe waiting for an opportunity. Am I dressing for my life, or living for my clothes? Does it matter either way? Sometimes I think I should live in Rome where dressing up is a thing in itself:) But I don't... I live in suburban, leafy London. So... thoughts? Please don't be too mean...

That sounds gorgeous, @CheerfulBunny.
Last time I wore a lemon yellow silk dress with tiny daisies, a vintage 40s jacket and pearlised slingback shoes. Oh, and crocheted gloves, a little handbag and a brooch!
Sorry OP....see what you've started!

You’re not harming anyone. If it makes you happy and you’re not wracking up huge debts then carry on

Come and style me please!

I don't really understand women who aren't like this.

This is normal.

@Maireas Oh how pretty! The accessories are so important and those sound perfect.

I love accessories.
A day without is a day wasted.
The Frank Usher ballgown? Swoon

I actually envy you. I wish to be where you are now in your "hobby". I get great joy when I feel I am dressed well which is rarely. Like you , it is never to impress but more a sense of achieving something for me that bring me joy. As long as you are happy with it and it is not affecting any major thing in your life negatively then please crack on.

Thank you! I'm starting to picture it in my head 😊

Nothing wrong in taking pride in yourself, I love clothes, shoes, bags, scarves. My husband built me a shoe room to put them all in, absolutely love it. My mother in law was a very proud lady with her appearance, she was still getting her hair and nails done right up to her last days, she was 94. I hope I end up the same.

I’m exactly the same meaning I buy lots of clothes I’m much older than you and retired early from work, I’m not in debt , I really enjoy anything to do with trying to look nice, I’ve changed my eating habits drastically lost quite bit of weight, I feel like a new woman, my health is improving, I dress for myself certainly not for anyone else, I’m happily married and not using a lot of make up as I believe when you get to a certain age less sometimes means more,I’m a believer that everyone should do what makes them happy as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else, as I buy new things my other clothes go to charity, you go girl x

@BlackSwan

I don't really understand women who aren't like this. This is normal.

😂

@BlackSwan

I don't really understand women who aren't like this. This is normal.

There was a very lengthy thread a few months ago where the overwhelming concensus was that anyone who dressed with ANYTHING other than comfort in mind was some sort of stepford wife/slave to the patriarchy and/or capitalism, that EVERYONE with any sense immediately gets into sweats or pjs the second they get home, that jeans (jeans!) are the devils work.....I wish some of you ladies had been on that tread so that I wouldn't have felt so abnormal

Good on you for giving yourself this pleasure - I am 70 and exactly the same - I love clothes, I buy in sakes and charity shops and take great care of my clothes, plan my outfit if I'm going somewhere, love to wear stylish things, modern as well as vintage, am very careful how I put together my outfits, also love jewellery and make up and take great care of my hair - to be honest I don't understand people - male or female - who don't appear to like clothes or taking care of how they look - I think presenting yourself well is a sign of good mental health and very positive, and makes me happy - and is a strong signal to self respect - so carry on, stop doubting yourself and carry on, I salute you

I agree, @Bertiebiscuit, it's a way to feel positive about yourself. There's a lot of ageism on S&B, but I think interest in clothing and style doesn't diminish with age and threads that suggest this really annoy me.
It actively improves my well being to wear lovely things and (try to!) look good.
I don't own a pair of leggings and don't wear jeans other than for gardening etc!

Clothes, shoes and jewellery give me so much pleasure
Searching for the perfect xxxx, buying it, wearing it, enjoying it!
Even a weekend away has me planning what I’ll wear, with which shoes etc
I match my jewellery to my nails, outfits and occasions
I veer towards being slightly overdressed on occasions as not as comfortable with casual and love bright colours

I

Yes!!!! This is me! I LOVE clothes, love love love love! I’m 51 and still obsessed. I was trawling last night helping my daughter track down some trainers… thrill of the chase!
I love opening up my wardrobe :) I have a mental list of furniture purchases, a list for selling and gift often too. It’s a fab hobby!

Future not furniture

It's amazing! You do this for YOU. And it makes you feel better plus you look great & put together.

Yes yes yes!!! Felt very good getting dressed today (red Zara blazer with gold buttons via ebay, red Breton tee, boyfriend jeans and nude sandals with gold detail that picks up gold in jacket 🤣) the dog appreciates my style hugely during her early morning walk…

babymooner I want to be your friend.
I’m 54. Grown up children longtime poster on MNV. Obsessed, totally, I’m just like you and belong on here.
My French mother made our clothes and was (and still is) v groomed .
When I was little I used to read my aunts’ La Redoute and 3Suisses catalogues for ages planning my outfits .
As soon as I was old enough I got a Saturday job so I could buy my own (not home made) clothes. At the time the goal was a Benetton jumper which I couldn’t afford (and Still remember the thrill when I did eventually get one!)
BEfore children i worked in fashion retail for 10 years which was bliss.
I wear make up and dress nicely every day....even in lock down.
I love everything about fashion.....fabrics and textiles, the history of clothes, blogs, insta etc......
Like you any new fashion opp is very exciting......included gym wear and leisure wear (my least fav)
I go completely nuts when invited to a “do” .
Recently went racing and was at my happiest in a beautiful dress, heels and hat.
I dress within my means.
It makes me happy.
I don’t see it as a problem. I’ve always thought if you’re not 100% happy with your body if you take care with your appearance no one will notice the flaws, they’ll just notice your outfit.
I’ve made a lot of friends who are the same and find clothes a great opener with most women.
And I’m also a EBay re-buyer. And a terrible psycho when I fall in love with an item........on holiday in Lanzarote 16 yrs ago saw a woman with the most divine top on. Couldn’t settle for weeks until I’d tracked it down and bought it....annoyingly I had a Marie Kondo moment (short lived) and got rid of it a couple of years ago, BIG REGRET

If you enjoy it and have the time and money, plus you look hot doing it, why the hell not?

OMG you are me:) I will stalk people who are carrying a nice bag so I can see where it's from and continually sell on ebay only to spend all the money on more ebay stuff - I'll get obsessed with a colour, or a designer, or a look and will happily spend hours tracking down the perfect cream turtleneck, or even expensive items I couldn't afford when new. I spent my childhood tying sheets around me to make 'dresses', always dressed differently from everyone at school, and always worked in every holiday so I could buy whatever coveted item I was lusting after... had forgotten actually that this has been a life long thing. And that it was my original hobby:) (I also used to rearrange my bedroom every couple of weeks and my children have got used to me regularly deciding to rearrange the whole house to see if it works better). And you're right, DryWhite, it's always those lovely pieces we sell/give away to 'declutter' that haunt us. 33 pieces of clothing might be practical and chic but there's joy in maximalism too...

OP, you sound so much like me and your approach to clothes - you could be my doppelganger.

I have a wardrobe stuffed with beautiful clothes (mix of vintage, current and old faithfuls) and lots of books about fashion & style ... I think you would feel instantly at home at my place.

However I am having a sabbatical from buying any more clothes as a) I really have no room unless I get rid of some and b) I need to conserve cash to allow for early retirement.

I have gone back to making my own clothes again as the Laura Ashley / floral floaty trend is so easy to do. But again, I have no room for any more dresses ...

There are a lot of far worse things to be obsessed with and if it makes you happy then fantastic! I used to love shopping for clothes and accessories, you get a buzz out of it. It doesn't sound as if you are superficial or materialistic at all as you are not boasting about brands and how much things cost, just the look of outfits. Enjoy your hobby and crack on! X