tell me my obsession is healthy!

[babymooner]

Apologies if this is a bit rambling. Long time lurker and reader of all posts style and beauty. The essence of my question is how okay is it to care deeply about clothes and general appearance?
Let me explain. I am a fifty year old woman. Three children (in or approaching teenage years), a very happy marriage and a very fulfilling career. i am also border line obsessed with clothes and my appearance. I've kibbed myself, done my colours, created style boards, cleared out and replenished my wardrobe, photographed good outfits, and spent a small fortune on clothes (new, ebay, charity shops, the whole works). All (most) of which I love, and I earn good money so it's okay. But is it okay? Every so often I do wonder... to whatend? Who is this for? i don't have a sparkling social life (see: three children and full time big job). I don't have anyone I'm trying to 'keep up with'. It's all just me and my head. It's not a confidence thing either - I'm very comfortable in my skin, etc etc. And yet the time and effortI put into buyingclothes, organising clothes(because I have so many), planning outfits etc you'd think I was in the public eye or running a fashion business.
Is this normal? is this okay? More to the point, does anyone else do this? To be clear, I get joy from it. I have always loved fashion and clothes and I'm a creative, so use clothes to express myself. But sometimes I am literally expressing myself to the dog, and I do worry that I should get over myself. Then again, when I see someone in the street who looks fantastic, it makes me smile and I always compliment them. My worry is that sometimes I'll accept an invitation and the main thing I'm thinking about is that it gives me an opportunity to wear a particular dress/item of clothing that I've bought and which has been sitting in my wardrobe waiting for an opportunity. Am I dressing for my life, or living for my clothes? Does it matter either way? Sometimes I think I should live in Rome where dressing up is a thing in itself:) But I don't... I live in suburban, leafy London. So... thoughts? Please don't be too mean...

You also need to start referring to your items of clothing as ‘pieces’. Curating your collection of pieces is de rigeur.

Ah yes. I have many pieces. In fact I might start referring to my wardrobe as my portfolio;)
And NoTradesmen, I hear you on space. I once replaced all my hangers with thin rubber ones because it meant I could fit in my recent haul of clothes

Another thing I do is make clothes. I get very excited in fabric shops. Liberty being the Mecca .
Being able to sew means I can alter my clothes so they fit “just right”.....I’m you aren’t I?

I'm turning into a fabric fiend as well. I love looking at and feeling them plus when I buy there's no guilt at all - in fact I feel kind of virtuous, like I'm a proper artisan

I would love to be able to sew. Learned at school but was hopeless... probably patience-related. Maybe I'll give it another go...

I don't know, if it makes you happy, it's good. There are far worse things.
Personally, if I go without buying clothes for a while, I get a bit low, maybe not full on depression, but I definitely feel worse about myself.

Do whatever makes you feel good

I went to Selfridges yesterday for some foundation and actually felt grossed out by it. It was always my favourite department store and I haven’t been for a couple of years but couldn’t get in the mood at all. I think you can love style and clothes and still not have “shopping” as a hobby. I don’t have room for all my clothes as it is and I don’t want to keep getting rid of things in order to make room for more things. I want the things I have to be the things. I know this is very Kondo-esque but there has to be a point where we accept the environmental cost of all this stuff. Sewing is probably a great hobby because it takes considerably longer than sticking something in a virtual basket and clicking a mouse. It’s quite technical though … I did a dressmaking class a while back and was a bit caught out by the maths necessary to design your own block. Probably time to dust the sewing machine off.

I totally get that. I actually hate department stores - too big, too noisy, too much conspicuous consumption. My favourite is small shops that are really well curated... or charity shops... or ebay. And I also LOVE popping into Chanel because it's like an art gallery. I always come out with an idea for a look (have just received a fab 60s jacket bought from ebay which was inspired by a walk down Bond Street). My mum used to make ALL our clothes when I was little so i kind of went off it (all I wanted was H&M - well, Hennes as it was then, and instead i had full paisley skirts;)

So... I've had three lovely messages from people asking for advice on clothes. Which I'm so happy (if underqualified) giving. And, inspired by a previous poster suggesting instagram, I think I might try and commit to a daily post of an outfit and an explanation of my thinking behind it, why these shoes not those ones, where I got the items and how else I might wear them. A kind of 'dressing: deconstructed' type thing. Would that be of any interest to anyone?? not touting for followers, just really don't want to come across as 'ooh look at me and my lovely clothes'. I did some posts over Christmas of me dressed up as if I was going to all the things that lockdown cancelled and it got me through missing all my friends and family, but I did feel a bit embarrassed when some of my daughters' friends started following me . Are any of you on insta? Do you post outfits?!

Hey, everything you said here I can refer to myself the only slight difference is I am 47, a bit younger, haha, and I have two kids.
Fashion is my passion and you won’t see me without looking my best
I do earn well and I can afford nice clothes/shoes and I take great pleasure out of it. The worst thing, perhaps, is that I am a childminder So, imagine your childminder always looking like a glamour puss thatsyme! I think I am known in my area for my looks/shoes/hills/ect.
When i go with my triple buggy, with my kids all around me and even sticking out of my pockets, you will definitely notice me
But I think the kids love it and I think this is how a true Mary Poppins must look like.
Years ago I was worried about my clothes obsession, but one my friend told me: this is your hobby! And this is so very true. Am I vain? Perhaps. What’s bad about it? Does it harm anybody? No! Does it make me a bad person?
We all have to have fun in this life. You are who you are, just accept it and stop judging, I think your hobby is great!

@Shallistayorshalligo I would love to see you with fifteen children and fabulous heels;)

I'd definitely follow you, @babymooner!
I'm always looking for style inspiration and general ideas, or even just to discuss it!
Let us know how to find you!
The instagrammers that I used to follow have given up style in favour of promotion, and seem just to promote whatever freebie has been sent. Very disappointing. Also too much conspicuous consumption.
I follow Clare Bradley (Bradders) the doctor who won Sewing Bee the year before last.
She's totally committed to the 1940s style, which isn't everyone's taste, but she's incredibly environmentally conscious, and repurposes charity shop buys etc. She pretty much lives as if clothes were rationed, but looks fantastic and really stylish.

Ah thanks @Maireas! I'll let you know once I've actually started. And Clare Bradley sounds very cool!

@babymooner

So... I've had three lovely messages from people asking for advice on clothes. Which I'm so happy (if underqualified) giving. And, inspired by a previous poster suggesting instagram, I think I might try and commit to a daily post of an outfit and an explanation of my thinking behind it, why these shoes not those ones, where I got the items and how else I might wear them. A kind of 'dressing: deconstructed' type thing. Would that be of any interest to anyone?? not touting for followers, just really don't want to come across as 'ooh look at me and my lovely clothes'. I did some posts over Christmas of me dressed up as if I was going to all the things that lockdown cancelled and it got me through missing all my friends and family, but I did feel a bit embarrassed when some of my daughters' friends started following me . Are any of you on insta? Do you post outfits?!

I'd follow you. I don't post outfits although I'd love to because it might be outing and I like anonymity. You're obviously stylish if your daughter's friends started following you because they had no need to do that otherwise. You might not want to commit to doing a new outfit every day though because of the pressure of providing new content all the time. It's ok to repeat outfits.

I'm the same as you @babymooner and don't think it's unhealthy at all. But I would say that!

Laughing at you re-arranging the furniture. My children think it's hilarious that I do that!

I haven't got into ebaying yet, but am going to make an effort to buy fewer, better quality, clothes that I love.

(I'd follow you on Instagram!).

I too would follow you on Instagram too. However I have the opposite problem. I would like to look stylish and have a lovely wardrobe like all you ladies but I haven't the first clue as to how to go about it. I'm in my 40s, 5ft 2 and size 10 to 12, have very, very wide feet and am 32FF and very pale with a dark crop. I haven't the first idea about what shape of t-shirts, trousers, colours etc I'm wouldn't be able to buy designer everything but have a healthy budget after being a miser with clothes for years. The things I like look good on tall, willowy types like Fiona Bruce so definitely not good on me. Not to de-rail but would you or any of your tribe be able to point me in a suitable direction? I tried posting years ago (I've been lurking and re-joined in order to post this) but didn't get a sniff of assistance as I don't think I was able to hook in any of your "tribe" as you were obviously all busy being stylish elsewhere. TIA.

Ooh you could well be gamine! So I reckon you'll suit separates, with detail. Straight lines (so straight jeans not baggy or skinny), show your wrists and ankles to create length and play around with colour. Don't ever go for anything long, wafty, wide or clingy; you want sharp, fun, tailored things with lots of fun detail. Does that sound like it might work on you??

I’d follow you baby just for inspiration. I’m sick of affiliated posts. I just like to see women like me in their clothes and then copy their looks

Hee hee I'm so clueless I had to read that twice to work out you were talking to me. Gamine sounds nicer than Hobbit though I do look like Frodo. Thank you. Please could you tell me whether v necks or boatnecks are suitable? I'm going to renew my t-shirts (I bought new bras after being measured. I never seem to be able to play down my enormous chest sadly. Though have stopped buying shirts with pockets on as I read on here somewhere it was a no. It is so hard finding things that fit and I cannot sew sadly. No idea how I got to this age and still don't get the rules.

I think if you have a big chest you need v necks, wrap tops, and fitted shirts are great too - basically anyhting that shows your cleavage a bit:) (and I am envious as am totally flat chested - got up to a B when breast feeding;)). Think tits and waist basically:)

V-neck or scoop neck are more flattering, @PetitePiggy. Also slightly fitted clothes, not bodycon, but not too baggy. A well fitted shirt ( no breast pockets ), no flouncy frilly dresses or fussy tops.
What kind of colour/style do you like?

Cross post with OP!

Trust me, no need for envy as clothes hang so much nicer when you're not so cleavage orientated (not that I'm that big but being short makes it look worse). And bras look like hideous hammocks. Finding petite wear that isn't polyester or hideous is a trial. I'll just have to put more effort in like you do. Thanks again.

I like unfussy things Maireas nothing too bright. Think entire wardrobe is blue, white, grey, black. Had a yellow and black top which was petite cut from Next (horrible material but at least it fitted) but man at work said I looked like that that Transformer beetle car and to be fair, I felt a bit conspicuous in it. Though to be honest, the hardest thing is finding things that fit. See lots of things but they don't come in right length (also have very large thighs in proportion to the rest of me). Perhaps I'm a lost cause. Nice of you to try and help - it can be quite vicious on here and I expected to be told off for posting for help on Babymooner's thread.

This is a NICE thread:)