tell me my obsession is healthy!

[babymooner]

Apologies if this is a bit rambling. Long time lurker and reader of all posts style and beauty. The essence of my question is how okay is it to care deeply about clothes and general appearance?
Let me explain. I am a fifty year old woman. Three children (in or approaching teenage years), a very happy marriage and a very fulfilling career. i am also border line obsessed with clothes and my appearance. I've kibbed myself, done my colours, created style boards, cleared out and replenished my wardrobe, photographed good outfits, and spent a small fortune on clothes (new, ebay, charity shops, the whole works). All (most) of which I love, and I earn good money so it's okay. But is it okay? Every so often I do wonder... to whatend? Who is this for? i don't have a sparkling social life (see: three children and full time big job). I don't have anyone I'm trying to 'keep up with'. It's all just me and my head. It's not a confidence thing either - I'm very comfortable in my skin, etc etc. And yet the time and effortI put into buyingclothes, organising clothes(because I have so many), planning outfits etc you'd think I was in the public eye or running a fashion business.
Is this normal? is this okay? More to the point, does anyone else do this? To be clear, I get joy from it. I have always loved fashion and clothes and I'm a creative, so use clothes to express myself. But sometimes I am literally expressing myself to the dog, and I do worry that I should get over myself. Then again, when I see someone in the street who looks fantastic, it makes me smile and I always compliment them. My worry is that sometimes I'll accept an invitation and the main thing I'm thinking about is that it gives me an opportunity to wear a particular dress/item of clothing that I've bought and which has been sitting in my wardrobe waiting for an opportunity. Am I dressing for my life, or living for my clothes? Does it matter either way? Sometimes I think I should live in Rome where dressing up is a thing in itself:) But I don't... I live in suburban, leafy London. So... thoughts? Please don't be too mean...

@ShrikeAttack thank you for your lovely post. You’re right, it’s confidence. I’m a short pear with a slight post c section pouch but I looked at my body today and thought do you know what, you don’t look half bad. My little boy is 20 months and I think living in comfy clothes that are unfortunately quite tatty and often stained due to the small person has made me feel very downtrodden.
This thread is actually hugely inspiring which is amazing as I do often switch off from the style and beauty threads as I find it’s a lot of same old same old brands that do nothing for me. I love your photos, you’re beautiful and your confidence shines through.
I’m feeling very tired and lined about the face at the moment as well which doesn’t help but I’m going to try and invest in some
Good skincare as well and try to see the good.
First things first, wardrobe sort out - anything I don’t feel good in is going even if that doesn’t leave a lot

@Maireas I like blues, I also really like white tops with denim, I love my skinny jeans as I feel like they show off the good parts of my shape more although I know it’s said wide legged looks better on a pear - it’s never been the case for me! I think I favour a kind of basics but put together look at the moment, but I have a huge love of fair aisle knitwear which doesn’t really fit with that theme :)

This is such a great thread.

Nobody is the same shape at 40 that they were at 20, any more than a 65 year old can pretend to be 40. Children and menopause intervene for most of us. But you can decide to dress in a style that pleases YOU. Regardless of your age.

@Hallomother - wear skinny jeans if you look good and feel right in them. Maybe think about some quality (washable!) tops. If you like a blue and white palette, that can look very clean, but have you thought about a bright splash of colour which would tone and just brighten things up?

@Maireas yes I tend to lean towards colourful patterned dresses in summer and then go for greys/blues/creams in winter/autumn looking at my wardrobe.
Recently I’ve found a shirred dress style that’s not as flouncey as some that I feel really good in so I’m trying to find more of those.
I have some floral Liberty print tops that are yonks old from Uniqlo but the shape is very flattering and I feel good in them so I’m trying to find some similar or someone who can make me more in different colours!

I’ve got some nice handbags which I’m
Going to get back out and I’m going to sort through my shoes as well. Maybe I need to start a new thread rather than hijacking this one!

Such a positive thread! Thanks for starting it @babymooner.

This quote from Rebecca Solnit's book Recollections of My Non-Existence really resonated... 'I came to recognize that though looking amazing is usually thought of as either a mildly despicable self-glorification or straightforward strategy to access sex, it can be a gift to the people around you, a sort of public art and celebration... even a kind of wit and commentary.' There! She's an activist feminist too.

Love that quote. it's so true. When you're meeting a friend and have made a real effort, it kind of elevates the experience. it's a value thing - valuing yourself and valuing the people around you...

@babymooner, so so true! I feel I have found my 'tribe' here, I'm heading towards 60 at an alarming rate, I have always loved clothes and at bloody last I have the money to indulge myself and put me first! After a very 'interesting' life I can look back and see how strong I am and that I am of value, so I will enjoy my creative side and dress how I like.

I would recommend always walking into the little independent stores/boutiques. The people who own them spend a lot of time finding different stuff to the endless 'sameness' of the high street.

Yaay for this thread.
I'm finally heeding floisme's wise words about re-evaluating your wardrobe as the years pass. I've decided to go for a bit more structure, fewer florals (much as I love them) and only one mad vintage item per outfit. Probably.

I’ve started suiting much more structure lately - think because face has thinned out (I had real moon face when young and finally have cheekbones). I think every 5-10 yrs we all need to reassess - lifestyle changes, body/face changes, even personality develops and clothes should reflect that… men the same… I think as we get older everyone suits slightly smarter clothes (something has to stay crisp 🤣). I LOVE Jane Fonda’s clothes in Frankie and Grace…

Before kids, in my 20s, I worked for an upmarket high st retailer. I noticed that every woman, whatever their shape, looked amazing in well tailored clothes. I made a mental note that when I was older I should wear tailoring. Now I’m there (I don’t feel as Old as my customers were then, denial!!!) I try to remember that.

And babymooner I channeled you and brought out my trench coat and loafers (red) today

Oh amazing. I do love a trench coat but they’re like leather jackets - there are about four weeks a year you can actually wear them:)

I'm a big tailoring fan too and, now that I'm heading towards retirement, I'm trying to figure out how I can keep on wearing it outside the office without feeling a bit of a nob. Working from home has been useful in that respect.

I also don't think 'structured' always has to mean tailored. I find denim, leather and cotton canvas are all very forgiving of sagging bodies.

Agree! it's collars and shoulders. Am going to plug Jane Fonda in Grace and Frankie again - crisp collars with soft cardigans and she looks amazing:)

@popularinthe80s & @Hallomother, I'm going to tell you something I tell my children all the time, you have to centre yourself in your own life because no other bugger will do that for you. And that doesn't mean 'be selfish', it means that YOU have to be important to yourself. You're only going to get this life and if you really want to care about other people, you have to realise how important YOU are.

And that means self-care, not narcissism but self-love and value.

And clothes are intrinsic to that, you have to believe that you are worthy of nice things.

I know I'm a bit of a dick, I'm not lacking in self-awareness but I've always liked myself. Warts and all.

I do think that's important.

Anyhow @babymooner, yes, I'm on the hunt for a corduroy blazer. I've seen one I like by Blazè Milano but it's £1,040, and that's a bit chunky!

I think I've always suited structure @babymooner, I've got broad shoulders and no hips, always have been a triangle. I've always suited structure, clean lines and form-fitting or skimming clothes.

If I put prints or frills on I look mad.

Definitely something I love. In fact maybe we should be penpals. I love dressing up; always care what i look like, love make up and buy second designer clothes on ebay. All my friends expect me to look smart for a dog walk. I really love appearances and clothes and fashion.

Pen pals. Love that 😍

Your OP struck a chord as I can identify with much of what you said - especially the bit about getting an invitation and your first thought being what to wear!

I recently went to a pre-wedding dinner. My first thought was to wear a recently purchased sumner dress but when it became clear the weather wasn't going to be nice I remembered a Monsoon dress that I'd bought for work but it's too smart so I wore that with some new boots and I was so happy, especially when the outfit garnered several compliments. I was like "get in!".

I think of it less as an obsession and more of a mission

So … You’re telling me that there are people whose first thought, on receiving an invitation, is not “What shall I wear?”?

Mind. Blown.

@StCharlotte

Hiya 👋. Are you still doing Project 333 Charlotte? Something came up on Audible and I thought of you.

[quote Divebar2021]**@StCharlotte

Hiya 👋. Are you still doing Project 333 Charlotte? Something came up on Audible and I thought of you.[/quote]
Hi, that wasn't me but I was on that thread. I remember because I'd just splashed out on a new pair of sunnies which I never intended to take off

you have to centre yourself in your own life

@ShrikeAttack, I love that.

Has this thread died? I was enjoying it. Talk to me about clothes!

I've been irritated by the recent warm spell and so keen to get my new A/W clothes on I risked a sweltering today. Thankfully it was overcast but I'm not sure my look was completely appreciated by the yard where my daughter keeps her horse as that was the only place I went...

I've got an important meeting on Monday advocating for somebody and I'm thinking about my 'don't disagree with me' outfit. It's not a work meeting, it's a personal one but I'm mulling over 'casual but powerful' outfits. Much easier to do when the weather is on the cooler side.

And for naysayers, 'don't disagree with me' outfits work, they put you in a frame of mind that a grey tracksuit wouldn't, if you can stride into a room completely confident in what you have to say, a slightly dramatic outfit really does make the other people in that room know that. It says 'I am confident do not try to piss me about'.

It works.

Now I'm sitting planning some 'don't disagree with me' outfits.
Definitely easier in not-summer for me, as they must involve some fairly stompy boots.