tell me my obsession is healthy!

[babymooner]

Apologies if this is a bit rambling. Long time lurker and reader of all posts style and beauty. The essence of my question is how okay is it to care deeply about clothes and general appearance?
Let me explain. I am a fifty year old woman. Three children (in or approaching teenage years), a very happy marriage and a very fulfilling career. i am also border line obsessed with clothes and my appearance. I've kibbed myself, done my colours, created style boards, cleared out and replenished my wardrobe, photographed good outfits, and spent a small fortune on clothes (new, ebay, charity shops, the whole works). All (most) of which I love, and I earn good money so it's okay. But is it okay? Every so often I do wonder... to whatend? Who is this for? i don't have a sparkling social life (see: three children and full time big job). I don't have anyone I'm trying to 'keep up with'. It's all just me and my head. It's not a confidence thing either - I'm very comfortable in my skin, etc etc. And yet the time and effortI put into buyingclothes, organising clothes(because I have so many), planning outfits etc you'd think I was in the public eye or running a fashion business.
Is this normal? is this okay? More to the point, does anyone else do this? To be clear, I get joy from it. I have always loved fashion and clothes and I'm a creative, so use clothes to express myself. But sometimes I am literally expressing myself to the dog, and I do worry that I should get over myself. Then again, when I see someone in the street who looks fantastic, it makes me smile and I always compliment them. My worry is that sometimes I'll accept an invitation and the main thing I'm thinking about is that it gives me an opportunity to wear a particular dress/item of clothing that I've bought and which has been sitting in my wardrobe waiting for an opportunity. Am I dressing for my life, or living for my clothes? Does it matter either way? Sometimes I think I should live in Rome where dressing up is a thing in itself:) But I don't... I live in suburban, leafy London. So... thoughts? Please don't be too mean...

I have found my tribe:):)
Dark purple tea dress? What shoes are you wearing with that? And cardigan/jacket? Big factor when choosing tights... and I'm feeling a belt and scarf could just tie it altogether;)
Backstreetback I feel your pain. The one that got away.
And earthymama i too started out in clothes shops - Hobbs, back in the 90s. Spent all the money I earned on its shoes (50% discount...;)) had friends who ran stalls at Hyper Hyper and Kensington Market and we would all dress up like drag queens on a Saturday night to go clubbing...
Happy days:)

Thanks @babymooner
Tan ankle boots or black Oxfords. Probably a jacket, but I'm not sure the colour yet 😊
I so wish I was more like you- able to pull an outfit together. I so want to stop looking like a shapeless navy blue lump!

OP, you need to stop "should"ing yourself. Forget what society thinks you "should" be doing, or if you "shouldn't" be spending time on fashion and clothes, etc. You do you! And enjoy it, guilt-free.

Oh man, I remember Hyper Hyper! I loved it. Fabulous for clubbing clothes

@spotcheck I love tan with purple. I'd be tempted to go all autumnal with a scarf that pulls the colours together like this one www.ebay.co.uk/itm/133688826154?hash=item1f2079992a:g:RzEAAOSw0QlgSVVl (not this ACTUAL one - it's expensive and in the States. But I picked up a similar one for £20 on ebay UK so keep looking). Then tights can either pull in one of the colours in the scarf or could match the dress:) I'm a huge fan of missoni scarves - they can totally pull everything together and they are such a great way to play with colour... Oh, and a tan bag to match the boots:)

This is so lovely to hear there are more people who do this! I've realised it's my hobby too, I spend hours on ebay hunting stuff down. I set price limits for myself which makes it more of a challenge. I'd never be able to afford the clothes I have if I bought direct and the majority of my things are bought not worn anyway. I bought a kingfisher blue Zac Posen dress on ebay for £30 and it's incredible, I treasure it. When I told my friends they had no flipping idea what I was going on about but I was beside myself!
People say things like 'Oh CheerfulBunny always looks nice' not always in a complimentary way but it's just the way I am so I've stopped apologising. I don't really 'do' scruffy, I feel uncomfortable. My mum and her mum were always smartly turned out so I think that's where it comes from. I never even saw my grandmother in trousers!
Currently spending hours planning my three outfits for Goodwood Revival which I am meticulous about. It's so absorbing.

My only criticism op is, why don't you post more often? There are loads of us on here who adore clothes, and the day I see men apologising for their season ticket and gadget habits is the day I might think about toning it down.

I agree about self expression. I can't draw, paint, or sing so getting dressed gives me a creative outlet.

I'm mindful of environmental concerns - it's one (not the only) reason why I mostly shop second hand. I've also gone back to making my own clothes recently. I'm not particularly good at it but, if anyone's looking for a way of pushing their creativity even further, it can be very satisfying and it's literally slow fashion in action.

I'm another one. I've got back into this way of being after losing some weight and I'm really enjoying putting together outfits that are partly made up of lovely things I can now wear that I've had for some time, some new bits some vintage. My social life isn't brilliant and I'm sure some of my female friends think I'm a bit strange but as many have said it is a hobby. I had sewing lessons before the first lockdown and I'll probably get more into this once I'm retired next year.

So pleased it's not just me that thinks what to wear immediately after receiving an invitation....though haven't been anywhere since beginning of covid.
I don't mind if people look at me; I once wore vintage Alberta Ferretti to buy wood screws!
I love clothes....good clothes, beautifully made in superb fabrics......it's joyful. I don't like seeing everyone in damned sports wear/grey leggings.....so joyless. Life is not a dress rehearsal....but one may as well dress as if it were.
Have you read 'The Thoughtful Dresser' by Linda Grant? It's very interesting......

Seconding The Thoughtful Dresser as a good read, celebrating the value of clothes for all the purposes they serve, and I am also cheered by the emergence of our tribe: I recognise lots of usernames here!

@babymooner

Alright, maybe I'll try the instagram thing. Think my problem is an irish mother who never spent money on herself and so I have this residual feeling of 'who do you think you are dressing up like that?'. Even the Insta thing... I feel like people will look at my posts and judge me:/ But I'm going to do it. Thank you everyone:)

Interesting you mention your mum being Irish....I'm Irish and live in a village in the west of Ireland and there is a woman in the village who sounds exactly like you! She looks wonderful and I look forward ro seeing what she will wear to occasions. The odd person is a bit sniffy and mammy martyr-ish about her (I don't know where she finds the time! I'm too busy to be bothered with all that! etc, etc) but most people just think she looks great and good luck to her. I spoke to her one day about clothes and it is clear that it is a passionate interest for her and a creative outlet, she also alters and upcycles clothes as well as doing what you do. It is as legitimate an interest as any and if it gives you pleasure (and others who get to look at you), go for it. I like but don't love clothes but I do make a point of admiring and complimenting strangers clothes if they make a big effort. My only reservation is the resource/waste implications and my own far too large wardrobe gives me pangs. I have always bought vintage and second hand and have really ramped up the proportion of that in my wardrobe in recent years

@Floisme I hear you and I shall POST:)

[quote babymooner]@Floisme I hear you and I shall POST:)[/quote]
Do.......let's keep this going!

I'm like this too OP. I used to feel guilty about it until it dawned on me last year that it was a hobby like any other.

To @babymooner and all the other style obsessives who've replied: no other creative pursuit would be dismissed by society as shallow or self obsessed. It's absolutely a valid use of your time and money - you are simply your own works of art!
Personally, I'm pretty unkempt and have resigned myself to being perennially scruffy, but I always admire and enjoy seeing people, male and female, who devote a lot of time and energy to looking good.

Think this is a very nice thread. About threads:) (sorry)

I have loved clothes for as long as I can remember. My grandmama and mother were both brilliant seamstresses and could do anything - I had smocked dresses, little jewel coloured coats like the Royal Family, Fair Isle and Arran knitwear for casual occasions. I started designing my own things when I was about ten, I remember a grey herringbone tweed coat with frog fastenings and fur collar which I wore with red boots and handbag.
Unfortunately I didn't inherit any of their skills but I think I have a good eye for style. Even more unfortunately my lockdown stone means I can't wear some of my lovely clothes but I am working to address this.
I must admit I am happily surprised by these answers. I belong to a Radio 4 group and it's a badge of honour to never wear make up, dress completely in hessian and wear Crocs for special occasions.

I'm the same, @babymooner!
Just going to echo pp who have said it's your hobby and a creative outlet. You're not obsessed or strange! I love clothes and every single day I'm planning what to wear! Even going out for a walk, I like to look as nice as possible! Plus every time I leave the house I wear jewellery!
We're a happy tribe!

Oooh, @CheerfulBunny, what are you wearing for the Goodwood Revival?
That kingfisher blue Zac Posen dress sounds gorgeous.
I can't bear to look scruffy or unkempt, it makes me feel a bit miserable!

All very heartening:) and actually, talking about clothes has reduced my temptation to surf ebay to buy more clothes, so I think this is the way forward. My biggest guilt is in buying new things when I haven't worn other purchases yet... which is when I start writing lists of outfits that I need to wear in order to make me feel better (or purging and selling stuff on ebay, which half the time I end up regretting). But actually now I'm going to start seeing clothes as just lovely things and it's okay if I don't wear something - the time will present itself and in the meantime I can just admire it!

It will indeed, @babymooner.
I regularly go through my wardrobe and identify what I've never worn, then I wear something within the week or give it away (according to the season of course).

I think it's great, I definitely don't plan or photograph outfits but I do sometimes wear something that's too much for the school run just because I feel like it! There's no harm in it and it makes you happy keep it up!

@Maireas I got a true vintage dress in a vintage shop when I was away at the weekend, totally unexpectedly. It is baby blue chiffon with violets printed on it, circle skirted with a little bolero.
On the other days I'm going with retro copies from Lindy Bop (RIP) a burgundy dress and jacket with a matching pillbox hat and 'preppy girl' tartan circle skirt and knitted polo top for another day.
I wonder if there's enough interest in Revival for a thread on MN? It'd be great to share looks/tips/pics.

This thread has reminded me of fashion blogging back in the day before all the shilling started, when bloggers were just people who loved clothes (or whatever) and had interesting things to say. I really miss them still.

I also got a 50s Frank Usher ballgown (as you do) because it was there, it fitted, I knocked them down to £40 and it was amazing. God knows when I'll wear it!