Ah I think the corner you backed yourself into microbius is pretty good example of UK shoe culture from my observation. Footwear can be boring and functional, classic, with a small allowance for eccentricity but it can't be flashy and by extension being seen to be spending money on shoes seems to be some mortal sin and all sort of assumptions will be made about you. Shoes also appear to be tribal, there's the Golden Goose crowd, the Grenson sort, the Veja people, etc.
Despite living in the land of everyone wears trainers I'm no expert in it at all. It baffles me quite frankly, occasionally I lurk on the sneakers subreddit trying to make sense of it but I just don't really get it or why people will camp out all night for some special drop. It just looks like highly inflated prices for the same shoes but slightly different colours in limited numbers. It just screams tulip mania to me and everyone seems to be a willing participant 🤷 I still desperately want to understand the appeal aside from FOMO, calling things 'fire' unironically, Raf Simons waving some secret magical wand over it all and emulating hip hop stars. There's got to be more to it.
As for my own trainers choices, we're not natural bedfellows so I tend to take forever to buy any and they sort of need to be more of a shoe than a trainer. There's some fit issues with traditional athletic brands as the arch support is in the wrong place and they're often too wide and too high (bye bye ankle, hello cankle) which then doesn't work well with my proportions, hourglasses tend to struggle more with casual anyhow so it's just a compounding of things. I often end up in the in my mind very uncool spectrum of designer trainers that emulate a proper trainer but they're worn like a shoe or boot almost. They're very much the why would anyone pay a premium for more expensive copies of an inexpensive iconic shoe sort. Think the Céline version of Vans, Isabel Marant or Common Projects version of Stan Smiths, etc.
I think Eytys is making interesting yet wearable trainers (and shoes, generally) atm, bit nostalgic of my teen years but I highly suspect they wouldn't work well enough for me to give versatility beyond jeans. JW Anderson also has some hi tops that are a sort of a shoe trainer hybrid but they weren't very comfy somehow. I'm also quite enamoured with these attached Lanvin Curb trainers, they're completely mad and probably quite polarising, but I mostly see the potential of pairing them with wide legged tailored trousers (of which I have many 
) and knocking the formality out of them. It's what got me unearthing my IM wedge trainers, there's an overlap of sorts with inflated features and proportions and that's why those work for me. I had it in my mind that my IM trainers could possibly work well with these trousers I've been sewing (nearly done, I still need to make the belt for the waist and a few other small finishes but I needed to send for some extra supplies) and I really like the way it reshapes the bottoms into something else like in the Lanvin picture. The Lanvin feel a bit too steep of a purchase for trainers as they're things I don't wear too much, if I could see it work with other things I'd maybe consider it. I did try on some Adidas Ozweego Pure trainers in Other Stories before the shops closed here
I liked those too as with a black sock or tights they are sort of boot like as it all melds into one and would work well with slightly above ankle length trousers and dresses. It was too busy to fit properly though so I'll go back once the shops open up here again (🤞 good signs it'll be by private appointment from Saturday again) but they were really comfy and the first time I've come across an athletic brand shoe that works well for me in the way they do for most other people.
(Also, forgot to attach bread pic previously, I admit it does look somewhat sinister from this angle. Nice to know you're an accidental witch too, quirky, we can form a coven 🧙♀️)