Looking for a non-white dress for (my) wedding

[Somerville]

I'm getting married early next year. It's my second marriage (I'm widowed) and my fiancé's first.

Between my father in his uniform (retired from armed forces), my DD's in huge, meringue-style tulle and sequin bridesmaid dresses, and my gorgeous and very tall fiancé in his morning suit, I don't want to let the side down. But neither do I feel it would be right to wear a traditional white wedding dress again. And certainly no veil.

I spent a few weeks designing a dress with a friend who is a (professional) dressmaker and we came up with a plan for a long, silk bias cut dove-grey dress with a cape back. But my sister has put me off it by saying I'd look like a nun, and my friend has a lot of work on and if I want to commission anything else I'd need to confirm it with her quickly. However she has pencilled in time to do alterations to something off the peg, which feels more sensible at this stage.

So I'm looking for long dresses that are silver or blush pink. I want at least a short sleeve and certainly not strapless.

We're getting married in a church and having our reception in a rather grand library. I'm just turning 40, 5'6 and size 10 but big norks and broad shouldered so sometimes have to size up if it's high necked and tight across the top. I'm short waisted (if I put on weight I'm an apple) but slim hips/long legs. Pouffey skirts don't look as good on me as slim-fitting skirts. Oh and we're TTC so I don't want something super tight across the waist just in case.

I've budgeted up to a thousand pounds but I'd rather spend as little as possible less. If I couldn't get something at that budget I could increase it but I'd rather not.

I've ordered a returned a few things that were too shiny or a weird shape. And I've pounded the pavements at a designer outlet village this afternoon. I tried on a gorgeous fuschia and cream Temperley dress that I loved but it didn't feel bridal somehow.

Any ideas gratefully received.

did you see this beauty? TBH I'd take the whole synthetics thing on a dress for dress basis rather than just impose a blanket ban. There are so many different qualities and types of fabric that can be made from any thread - It's not like you'd be wearing something made of 1970's housecoat material.

That's beautiful but I don't think it would be flattering on me. And I feel too old for tulle. Or rather, like people might thing I'm trying to look younger than I am if I'm in a tulle skirt.
Bit paranoid about being 5 years older than my fiancé

Yes I think it is a dress by dress basis. Something silky and simple I will only commit to if it's actually silk. But heavily beaded or embroidered is different I think.

I see I missed a few links earlier - hellsbells that one is gorgeous but maybe too bridal? But I keep verging between too bridal and not bridal enough! This is hard.

And Benny, thanks.

Have you looked on The Outnet? My sister bough an amazing Vivienne Westwood Red Label dress from there for her wedding.

This is a wool / silk mix, with sleeves. It's absolutely and entirely off brief and also over budget, but I think you might actually really like it.

OK, some are white but these dresses are beautiful and non-traditional gowns.

couture.clairepettibone.com/collections/the-four-seasons

I don't know how much they cost or timelines to get one however.

Charlie Brear also do beautiful dresses, both bridal and ready to wear www.charliebrear.com/.

I think it's worth checking out bridal stores but focus on stockists of dresses from independent designers instead of the usual suspects.

Matches

I love this but annoyingly it's sold out in a UK10 - perhaps just as well as it is pricey!

I do like that a lot MrsLettuce. Again, you really get my taste. If I were having a small, registry office ceremony then that is what I'd be wearing, I think.
But I need to wear something long. I think a bride in knee length beside a groom in a morning suit would just look imbalanced. And although I think I could talk him into wearing something more relaxed, I know he doesn't really want to so I can't.

Ooh some of those Claire Pettibone gowns are really unusual and bloody gorgeous, Lemonade. Very likely to be way too expensive but it likes like there is a bridal boutique in my city that stocks them. It's a sign!

Oh that is stunning, herethereandeverywhere - I think I might be happy with off-white with embellishment in another colour like that. But yes, eye watering my expensive so just as well it's sold out.

I was a silent lurker on your thread, what lovely (err, no pun intended) developments!

One of these maybe?

www.bhldn.com/shop-the-bride-wedding-dresses/alice-gown/productOptionIDS/fbcaeb8b-b90b-4e9a-9313-32da085940dd

www.bhldn.com/dresses-view-all-dresses/adona-dress/productOptionIDS/fbcaeb8b-b90b-4e9a-9313-32da085940dd

www.bhldn.com/shop-the-bride-wedding-dresses/tulley-top-amora-skirt

Normally I hate David's Bridal but this Jenny Peckham dress from their site is very pretty:
www.davidsbridal.com/Product_beaded-sheath-wedding-dress-with-blouson-bodice-jp341704_all-designer-wedding-dresses

Marchessa

Blow the budget on £4000 pink silk cape dress by Oscar de la Renta

(This dress is the equivalent of when Phil and Kirsty show the couple a house that ticks all their boxes but is well beyond the budget )

Oh God, Rosie.

Don't know what to say to that.

I know you're right.

I'm overwrought because of some other things, not the wedding itself. The wedding (or rather, being married to the second love of my life) is the light at the end of the tunnel of the intervening few months. I am giddily excited about being married to him and a honeymoon with him but have mixed feelings about the wedding day itself.

And I really do need something to wear! But need to stop overthinking it, I know.

Olenna that is STUNNING! I'm not brave enough or rich enough to wear it but I love it!

The Marchesa is probably very nice too but TBH everything is going to look pants compared to that Oscar de la Renta.

Why oh why did you have to pull a Kirstie Allsop?!

Lined in 100% silk

Do you definitely need sleeves?

I've stopped clicking dress links in favour of drafting texts asking my parents for a 3k loan...

Sorry! (I did warn you it was well over budget.....)

I found this Badgley Mischka dress with a cape too but it's not in your size on the OutNet (though may be available elsewhere if it's the sort of thing you are after - go past the first photo where it looks like a rag)

Nah I don't like that. I like the pink one in which I'd feel all serene and elegant. I couldn't say 'for richer for poorer' in it with a straight face though.

It's not a de la Renta but another idea.

Coast dresses have never been good on me. I bought matching separates in there once (that looked like a dress) and had to get a size 12 top and size 8 skirt. Most odd.

Thanks for the links, though.

It's great having so many ideas thrown at me. I've gone from despairing that I won't find anything to feeling like there is too much choice, in under 24 hours. And the latter is definitely the better problem to have.

I kid you not - hit post, the page refreshed, and it was one of those targeted ads at the side of the page. Net - a -porter, the Oscar de la Renta dress!!