Looking for a non-white dress for (my) wedding

[Somerville]

I'm getting married early next year. It's my second marriage (I'm widowed) and my fiancé's first.

Between my father in his uniform (retired from armed forces), my DD's in huge, meringue-style tulle and sequin bridesmaid dresses, and my gorgeous and very tall fiancé in his morning suit, I don't want to let the side down. But neither do I feel it would be right to wear a traditional white wedding dress again. And certainly no veil.

I spent a few weeks designing a dress with a friend who is a (professional) dressmaker and we came up with a plan for a long, silk bias cut dove-grey dress with a cape back. But my sister has put me off it by saying I'd look like a nun, and my friend has a lot of work on and if I want to commission anything else I'd need to confirm it with her quickly. However she has pencilled in time to do alterations to something off the peg, which feels more sensible at this stage.

So I'm looking for long dresses that are silver or blush pink. I want at least a short sleeve and certainly not strapless.

We're getting married in a church and having our reception in a rather grand library. I'm just turning 40, 5'6 and size 10 but big norks and broad shouldered so sometimes have to size up if it's high necked and tight across the top. I'm short waisted (if I put on weight I'm an apple) but slim hips/long legs. Pouffey skirts don't look as good on me as slim-fitting skirts. Oh and we're TTC so I don't want something super tight across the waist just in case.

I've budgeted up to a thousand pounds but I'd rather spend as little as possible less. If I couldn't get something at that budget I could increase it but I'd rather not.

I've ordered a returned a few things that were too shiny or a weird shape. And I've pounded the pavements at a designer outlet village this afternoon. I tried on a gorgeous fuschia and cream Temperley dress that I loved but it didn't feel bridal somehow.

Any ideas gratefully received.

I know what you mean!

You could probably re-sell the dress afterwards though I would plan to do that but never quite bring myself to do so

Can you imagine it:
"With all my worldly goods I thee endow..." whilst panicking about whether I'll have time to sell it on EBay before the credit card bill comes in for spending money on honeymoon.

But you would look fabulous in it....

I wonder if you could get a clever dressmaker to make something very similar, or whether it's too high fashion to risk?

I don't think I'm brave enough for that style anyway.
In a way I'm glad that the price tag puts it out of reach because otherwise I'd be tempted to try it on. In which case I might really love it and end up making a tit of myself.
I don't want a dress that screams 'look at me!' And that one does.

You'll probably start getting side bar ads for personal loans in a minute....

You're the bride - everyone will be looking at you anyway...

My kids are cuter than me. And my fiancé taller. And he'll be crying. (He always cries.) And he's promised me that if he isn't being sufficiently attention-grabbingly tearful I can grind my stiletto into his foot until he starts sobbing.

I'm glad Rosie said that as I've been thinking it but didn't know how too.

Here are some I posted on another wedding dress thread recently:

Lots of colours to choose from

Beautiful, sleeves

Is cream too close to white?

Can I just go against the grain and say I'm not keen on the Oscar de la Renta one? It's a bit Barbara Cartland (i.e.: for the more mature plump lady). You should go for something younger and that flatters your figure more.

I do think that Jenny Packham wedding dresses could be your thing as they're vintage-inspired styles and lots have embellishment so definitely not 'traditional wedding gown' style. There was one that came up on a google search called 'Tilly' that looked perfect though not sure if still available.

If cost is an issue you could find out about sample sales? That's how I got my wedding dress (Suzanne Neville, should have been over £3k, got it for less than half then spent £150 having it taken apart and put back together to fit me.)

I wouldn't rule out wedding dress designers just because you don't want something that looks like a traditional wedding dress. And don't try to dress yourself down - you'll shine like a diamond and knock Lovely Man's socks off.

That's what I need to hear about the de la Renta!

I think if I wanted a 'proper' wedding dress by a top name designer I'd have to get lucky with a sample or second hand dress anyway. Or so my sister told me - 16 weeks order time on Jenny Packham.

gtbawesome I woke up this morning having decided to print out pictures of the kind of dresses I'm considering and get my chap's opinion. Ultimately I want to feel comfortable in whatever I wear and knock his socks off, as herethereandeverywhere put it. Thats what counts.

You will knock his socks off no matter what you wear and you will know when you find the right dress.

I'm going to look now.

So, with sleeves, full length, non polyester. Did you finalise the colour?

I finalised that I want the colour that is less traditional than white, more wintry than pink, less shiny than silver and less nun-like (thanks DSIS ) than grey. I have yet to identify a name for this colour.

Taupe. Taupe is the colour. (with embellishments)

this is an evening dress, probably not right, but taupe colour as suggested above :)

www.mollybrowns.co.uk/dresses/evening-dresses/m3811-dark-taupe-terani-couture.html

I thought taupe was beige but after seeing that nice dress in that link I've googled and it's somewhere between grey and brown?

Grey/brown/dusty pink (ish)

'Tis an excellent colour, imo.

Ok. I'll get on the case as the ones I sent were white/ivory.

maybe more for the after party if you wanted to change excuse to buy two dresse

a nice shrug or wrap?

Too polyestery, but is this the sort of colour you were after?

Can I present a dress that ticks pretty much all your boxes but is the ugliest thing I've seen for a long time....

[http://www.selfridges.com/GB/en/cat/ted-baker-rynee-embellished-crepe-maxi-dress_870-10003-128690/?previewAttribute=Nude+pink No sleeves and pink not taupe]] but very elegant

Blush with long sleeves

Gold dress with removable cape!

Gold (wear without the stole)

Ohh my lord that is ugly!

It's made a six foot tall, size eight, 21 year old fashion model look like a sack of potatoes.

Taupe is a definite possibility but would need to be a cool-taupe (more grey) than warm-taupe (more brown). And definitely not one verging on lavender, for widow-rebellion reasons.

I'm going to show my chap a few pics of different dresses I'm considering, later, and ask for honest reactions. I'm hoping that it'll help me pin down a definitive colour and style that I'm after.