Do you always look presentable for your DH.

[hownow]

I'm a SAHM so DH no longer sees me dressed up to go out to work. I get dressed properly every day as we always leave the house but I wear pretty minimal make up and my hair is always in a bun for practicality. And I'm not the type to look great with my hair up! I only look somewhat attractive with my hair loose and styled (takes forever to do so isn't feasible on a regular basis).

I also remove makeup/double cleanse during bath time at 6ish so DH sees me with glasses on, bare face, hair up. Haven't got loads of cash so my loungewear leaves a lot to be desired.

Men are visual aren't they?! Should I be making more effort? What do you all do in terms of 'keeping up appearances' at home?

[whattheseithakasmean]

I don't think 50shades post suggested she was 'struggling to save her marriage/relationship' - far from it.

My DH has seen me shit myself when I gave birth (more than once). Doesn't mean I don't think he is worth making an effort for and he feels the same for me.

I am all for loving the inner person but I fancy DH because he still looks cracking after all this time. If he had a paunch & was permanently slobbed out in a stained vest and trackies he would not have the same allure.

[burnishedsilver]

I like this quote about greying underwear and reality vs fantasy from John Cusacks character in High Fidelity

Rob: That other girl, or other women, whatever... I mean, I was thinking that they're just fantasies. You know? And they always seem really great because there's never any problems. And if there are, they're cute problems like, you know, we bought each other the same Christmas present, or she wants to go see a movie that I've already seen, you know? And then I come home, and you and I have real problems... and you don't even want to see the movie I want to see, period. There's no lingerie and...
Laura: I have lingerie!
Rob: Yes, you do. You have great lingerie, but you also have the cotton underwear that's been washed a thousand times, and it's hanging on the thing and, and they have it too! It's just I don't have to see it because it's not in the fantasy. Do you understand? I'm tired of the fantasy because it doesn't really exist. And there are never really any surprises, and it never really...
Laura: Delivers?
Rob: Delivers. Right. And I'm tired of it. And I'm tired of everything else, for that matter. But I don't ever seem to get tired of you.

[sunflower49]

I love that, burnished.

This thread is really interesting.

DP appreciates it when I dress up, he likes my hair long and my figure, and I think it was my looks that originally attracted him.

However now were in a LTR, when I am in the house I'm usually in PJs or lounge clothes, I just don't feel comfortable otherwise, even in jeans and jumper sort of clothes. I like to be really comfy and warm and I feel at home like that. I also know that DP loves and accepts me no matter what. A relationship based on looks alone is never going to be a true marriage or loving partnership.

I have actually asked male friends about this and a lot of them say they like their wife/partner in her scruffier clothes, as in she's being herself rather than putting on a front or trying to look attractive, she looks like herself and that's nice.

I also think that sometimes if one doesn't dress up very often, It's more appreciated when one does, IYSWIM.

[polyhymnia]

I agree withSunflower, Samantha and many others. A long term relationship can't be based on looks alone.

Being clean etc and not in stained clothes is just a matter of self respect - and hygiene. But just can't understand women who want to/ feel they have to wear makeup all the time. As it happens, my DH dislikes makeup and my skin is fine without it but that's not the point.

[Pasithea]

I am seriously I'll and therefore try my best to be bathed and in clean PJs or lounge clothes when he co.clothes when he gets in . sometimes a bit of mascara and lipgloss and no matter how I'll I am I have my perfume on.
Thinking of he days I looked after my horses I was always bathed and hair washed before he came in .

[SquidgyMummy]

If we are going out then i make an effort for me, and I like it when DP notices.
When i am home, It is fitted clothes off, bra off, contact lenses out, tracksuit bottoms and hoodie on.

In his fantasy world, I'm sure DP would like me to relax round the house in a negligee and heels, but that ain't gonna happen!

[Sallyingforth]

Well said, Samantha

[Eliza22]

I married a man who cited (amongst other things) his reasons for ending our marriage as "by 8pm you're always in your dressing gown, ready for bed, with your nose in a book". We had a young child who was disabled and I was a nurse who worked nights so that I was there for him, in our home in the day whilst husband was at work. By 8pm when DS was bathed and settling for the night, I was utterly knackered. I used to love getting showered and settling for the evening. Ex was usually at the gym.

I met the woman who kicked off his dissatisfaction....she was a good ten years younger than me and permanently glammed up as part of her job.

[OOAOML]

Sounds like you are well rid, Eliza - hope you are coping ok and getting support (although from your post it doesn't sound like he would be much practical help when he was there).

[GarlicGiftsAndGlitter]

Yup, sounds like you lost a lot of excess weight when he left your life, Eliza! I'm also hoping you find your life slotting more easily into place without a self-serving idiot hanging about.

I came back here because I'm watching on Netflix. It made me think of this thread, and several other current ones.

[GarlicGiftsAndGlitter]

PS, Eliza - My ex twat told me I was too insecure & unstable, as apparently proven by the amount of effort I put into my appearance! They'll always think of something ...

[Mrsgrumble]

I think op is getting a hard time here

At this particular moment I look vile, I have just given birth and have a one year old. I am in maternity hoodie and bottoms. No make up. Dh says I look like a 'little dude' so I don't think he is bothered.

However, yesterday I dolled myself up. Put make up on, nice dress etc.

Even on maternity leave I try and dress up a bit. I think I wouldn't get into a habit of dh on,y seeing me in loungewear. HOWEVER - I expect the same from him. I have dumped all his lazy rotten loungewear and bought him new tracksuit bottoms and t shirts and I tell him to splash the brut on ;)

He is more inclined to get lazy about appearance than me.

[Mrsgrumble]

Ps - there is a lot more to things than appearance but don't go out anymore of an evening so I feel we have to try and not get into a rut. That said, I have no problem with loungewear. Just not constantly.

It a long time since I have seen my mother at home in anything other than pjs and I think it's sad for her.

[MistressDeeCee]

I aim to look good for both myself and my OH. How I look and feel is important to me so I like to make an effort to be presentable but Ive always been like that anyway

[whattheseithakasmean]

My MIL lives in PJs. She is not a woman whose life choices I would wish to emulate in any way, shape or form.

[tellmesomething]

Why does everyone need to see the negative in a post? Today my DH is filming for TV (small appearance) he left home looking the hottest I've seen him in ages! I've decided to shower, do my hair, shave, and possibly pull out the stockings the point is we have sex regularly but sometimes it's lazy, sometimes it's to satisfy a need but it's not as hot or exciting as what it was or as romantic. It's normal we have kids, see each other at our worst, we argue and hold grudges. Men are visual, women are emotional. I dress up and excite him (not often mind) and he surprises me with wine and chocolates or cooks me a meal (not often enough IMO). As others have said it's only a small part of it, try more physical contact during the day, cuddles etc or a suggestive text. I think one of the biggest things you need is a regular planned date night

[GarlicGiftsAndGlitter]

I do support the date night thing for couples who spend little time at home together, or are usually preoccupied during that time. Up-tarting entirely optional, but the altered context and 'together as a couple' stuff matters.

[tunaandcheesesandwich]

I don't understand all the hahahahah posters. They are posting on Style and Beauty, which is one of the most popular sections of MN! Do they only care about their appearance for their friends or the school run?

I am low maintenance but I always make a bit of an effort to look good for whatever I am doing, whether it is work, meetings at the school, shopping or seeing friends. Why would I not make a similar effort for my DH? Of course he sees me at my worst, in the mornings and no make up/hair brushed etc. But if I shower, dress nicely and put on a bit of make up for everything else, then why not for DH too?

If DH made a effort all week for work, but did not wash, shave or get out if his pyjamas all weekend, I think that although I would be pleased he is so relaxed in my company, I would also wonder why everyone apart from me was worth making the effort to look nice for?

[chockbic]

I think its the always look presentable title. It seems a little surrendered wife, perhaps?