Do you always look presentable for your DH.

[hownow]

I'm a SAHM so DH no longer sees me dressed up to go out to work. I get dressed properly every day as we always leave the house but I wear pretty minimal make up and my hair is always in a bun for practicality. And I'm not the type to look great with my hair up! I only look somewhat attractive with my hair loose and styled (takes forever to do so isn't feasible on a regular basis).

I also remove makeup/double cleanse during bath time at 6ish so DH sees me with glasses on, bare face, hair up. Haven't got loads of cash so my loungewear leaves a lot to be desired.

Men are visual aren't they?! Should I be making more effort? What do you all do in terms of 'keeping up appearances' at home?

[captainweasel]

I make sure I look presentable but for myself. Not dh. If he likes it that's a bonus.

[MrsCampbellBlack]

But from what the OP says her DH never sees her 'dressed up' anymore. I'm all for balance and after 3 children - well DH has seen me in all states. But I do like to look attractive for him and myself. Not every evening obviously but I wouldn't like it if he never made any effort either.

I don't think that makes me a 1950's throwback but am guessing some of you do.

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

Here you go op.
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzNl1jJrqS8

[Northumberlandlass]

Have we slipped back to 1952?

[MrsCampbellBlack]

This is interesting - I generally think that I dress more for other women but why is it so laughable to want to look attractive for your DH/DP?

[berceuse]

I don't think that the OP is 'not being herself', just wondering what other people do, fair enough. I do make an effort to look presentable because I want to and I don't want to look like a slob when I haven't seen DH for 10 days.

Believe me, after looking after me when I was in hospital for months he has seen the worst of it.

I don't think it is like a question from the 50s at all.

I don't think my DH is 'visual' though, just so pleased to be home and probably wouldn't care but I do and I am happy to.

[chockbic]

I wear my Sunday Best while mopping the floor

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

I'm naturally stunning so I don't need to make an effort

Serious answer - on a day to day basis then I don't care how he sees me, I never was very high maintenance anyway.

But I'm presentable every day - nice but casual clothes, minimal jewellery, squirt of perfume. At the weekends I either make less or more effort depending on what we're doing, and he sees me scrubbed up often enough not to forget what I look like when I make a bit of effort :)

[PacificDogwood]

But 'presentable' means different things to different people.

We are sexually confident when we feel happy and confident within ourselves. And that can be achieved with vastly different levels of 'maintenance'

[Dancinglaughingdrinkingloving]

I look terrible in the evenings. Smudged make-up, dodgy track suit bottoms and bed socks, hair up in a granny bun. Come 7pm I have to take my jeans off and get comfy. I think he doesn't mind. He knows I can scrub up when required, which I do for myself, not him btw.

[GarlicGiftsAndGlitter]

Oh come on, ladies, it's easy and worthwhile to look one's best. When the polish goes off the woman, the shine goes off the marriage. I'd hate to think of my DH consorting with well-groomed professional women all day and then coming home to a scuzz-bag. And I wouldn't even like myself as much if I didn't make an effort - for myself as well as our marriage!

As soon as Nanny's taken the DC out to the park, I select appropriate daywear with accessories and pop along to the salon. I have my hair styled weekly (more if it's a socially active week) and have facials, manicures, tanning & toning on the other days. I'm usually quite busy around town in the afternoons but always home for tea with the children. When Nanny takes them up to the playroom after their tea, I shower and change into a co-ordinated outfit for the evening. It may be something very relaxed, like a cashmere lounge suit, or glitz & glamour if we're going out. But I am always carefully accessorised, freshly made-up, brushed & perfumed before DH gets home. It just takes a little planning.

[Onetwothreebanana]

Not really sure why everyone is giving OP such a hard time.

I used to work with DP so he saw me in nice dresses and heels with hair and make up done. Now he comes home from work and sees me in old joggers and an oversized bleach-stained hoody. It concerns me too and I am hoping to get some more attractive lounge wear in the sales.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to look your best for your partner.

[MyFirstName]

I go running with DH when we can. Sweaty, red-faced and just..well, grim. he sees me in the morning...I have curly hair which has parties in hedges during the night. I am very sometimes a bit slapdash about bothering to take makeup off at bedtime.

But, saying that, after the run, after my morning shower, on a day to day basis I do put an effort in. A bit of an attempt to wear an "outfit" rather than slobby jeans and t-shirt. That may mean it is just all clean and I have a necklace or cardigan on. Or I may preen and primp a bit more - a nice top/jumper rather than t-shirt and cardigan. But no longer working in an office so does tend to be casual wear.

I 99.9% of the time wear make-up though. I feel naked/uncomfortable without it. Just a bit of eye-liner, mascara, blusher. I do style my hair (as much as I can with the curls). I feel relaxed groomed.

So that is my look for a lot of the time (unless, as above, running or just awake or maybe gardening).


But I do my casual grooming for me. It is what I did when single. I feel happier if I have put in a bit of effort. My DH could not give a monkies. He possibly prefers it. I have no idea. He thinks I am amazing whatever I look like. He is the only person I feel comfortable with being bare-faces and wild-woman haired.

If you are doing it for him - question it. If your want to look "presentable" for yourself then that, imho if absolutely, totally fine.

I do not think you deserved the laughter and mocking.

[MrsCampbellBlack]

Not everyone is giving the OP a hardtime.

But to say you want to look attractive for your partner seems to be crazy thing on mn.

[33goingon64]

I was sorely tempted to take the piss when I first read this. But being fair to the OP, it's about what you're used to and if the OP did used to get 'dressed up' it's not surprising that she's remarking on what difference the new way of doing things has made - I would probably not have thought twice if she'd said 'I don't make as much effort as I used to and it bothers me', it's the fact that she's worried about it affecting her DH's view of her that's so sad.

I make very little effort with my appearance beyond personal hygiene, clean clothes and a quick hairbrush if I remember (even when working full time in the city). DH is used to this and knows the level of effort I do or don't go to is nothing to do with him.

[iamthenewgirl]

No, not all.

I go out to work in the morning looking great. 10 hours in the office and I come home looking like an old bag. I'm sitting on the sofa in my fluffy dressing gown with wet hair and no make up. Will put my fleecy ALDI pyjamas on shortly. He doesn't give a stuff which is just as well....

[berceuse]

You are right Pacific - my presentable is newly washed hair (which is ageing beautifully with a few greys), a vest under a crisp shirt with some clean jeans and my silk slippers, perhaps a bit of lipgloss if I am pushing the boat out.

Not presentable is still wearing the fleece and jodhpurs from the mornings activities/dog walk with three day old hair and the odd bit of hay somewhere.

[LetticeKnollys]

I have found the perfect instructional video for you, OP.

[Onetwothreebanana]

I want to look attractive for my partner and for me. I don't see anything wrong with that.

[BIWI]

I want to be myself. Sometimes that might be smart, well coiffed, etc. Sometimes that's slobbing around in my onesie.

If I felt that my DH was judging me for that, I'd be questioning the basis of our relationship. It's about who I am not what I wear or how I'm made up.

[BooDidIScareYou]

My DP once said 'I don't know what happens to you at work, you head out in the mornings all painted up like a dolly but by the time I get you back in the evening you're all kind of faded and shabby'!

So no, I don't make much effort in the evenings when I get in (currently wearing penguin onesie with skewiff hair and eyeliner halfway down my face).

But I do know what you mean OP, on the occasions where we are going out for dinner or if I'm dressed up for work some reason, he always gives me a compliment or tells me I look hot. I know he thinks I'm beautiful and lovely all the time because he tells me, but I do feel a bit more special when I know I've made an effort and I know he thinks I loom good IYKWIM.

So it's as much for me as it is for him.....and personally I don't think there's anything wrong with reminding a man every now and again just how good you can look!

[santamarianovella]

I don't find looking good for your DH is crazy, and I don't understand why people are giving the OP hard time,

I do it for myself and for my partner, nothing wrong with that,

[grumpasaur]

Haven't read the thread- but based on your title alone- Christ no!!

[idtwinplustoddlermum]

Hi how, I think your question is perfectly legit. I have 3 kids under 4 (inc 7 month old twins). It is rare for my dh to see me minus puke/milk/porridge stains on me when he comes in from a long day (poor darling! A 10 hour day! TIC). However I never miss a shower before our 2 precious evening hours together, really for myself but I do a quick spritz of perfume to go with the trackies and a bit of lip gloss. Works a treat for me and takes 2 secs. Is don't think its remotely old fashioned to want to look nice for dh. Why else would u have married him??

[vichill]

My dh is very much visual and before dd I was always made up, fairly slim wore dresses, long hair etc. Needless to say pg sahm to a 18 month old I look a bit shit most of the time. I miss looking decent for myself rather than miss being lusted over.