Do you always look presentable for your DH.

[hownow]

I'm a SAHM so DH no longer sees me dressed up to go out to work. I get dressed properly every day as we always leave the house but I wear pretty minimal make up and my hair is always in a bun for practicality. And I'm not the type to look great with my hair up! I only look somewhat attractive with my hair loose and styled (takes forever to do so isn't feasible on a regular basis).

I also remove makeup/double cleanse during bath time at 6ish so DH sees me with glasses on, bare face, hair up. Haven't got loads of cash so my loungewear leaves a lot to be desired.

Men are visual aren't they?! Should I be making more effort? What do you all do in terms of 'keeping up appearances' at home?

[squoosh]

I can't believe no one has yet mentioned Andy Williams song Wives & Lovers

Hey little girl, comb your hair, fix your makeup
Soon he will open the door
Don't think because there's a ring on your finger
You needn't try anymore

For wives should always be lovers too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
I'm warning you

Day after day, there are girls at the office
And men will always be men
Don't send him off with your hair still in curlers
You may not see him again

For wives should always be lovers too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
He's almost here

Hey little girl, better wear something pretty
Something you'd wear to go to the city
And dim all the lights, pour the wine
Start the music, time to get ready for love
Time to get ready for love, time to get ready

[squoosh]

Ridiculous to feel you need to look your best at all times but equally ridiculous to never make an effort.

[OOAOML]

Interesting squoosh - presumably as I work longer hours than my husband he should be primping himself up and pouring me a glass of wine, just in case my eyes wander?

[GarlicGiftsAndGlitter]

To be fair, I think much of this depends on what proportion of your identity is bound up with visual presentation ... and we are in Style & Beauty!

I only 'play' at S&B. I enjoy it and have a history of working in fashion. I suffered some massive life reversals, which forced me to interrogate my core values. I found I don't care about this stuff as much as my appearance led people to assume. So I cut it back (by, like, 95%) and reserve it for times when I feel like playing, or when I 'have to perform' for social reasons.

[OOAOML]

Clearly I am a skanky non-effort maker, but what is double cleansing?

[squoosh]

Too right he should OOAOML!

[findingherfeet]

OP I sympathise more so than others here!...I sort of get what you're saying, it's nice for myself to make a bit of an effort so I feel better, even if I have spent all day at home mopping up sick and snot/general mum chores with two young kids...

I'm far more likely to feel in the mood if I'm not unwashed and in my dressing gown..

Saying that I've just discovered the joys of a onesie....hmmm

[squoosh]

The song makes me laugh in its absolute ridiculosity (real word, yep) but I do think there's a grain of truth in there somewhere. Obviously not just advice that's applicable to women though.

[OOAOML]

To be fair squoosh neither of us is given to spending the day in our pyjamas unless ill. I'd quite like him to have wine ready for me coming home, but not run to my arms as I find it hard enough convincing the children not to tell me long involved anecdotes/ask me for 50 things/jump on me before I've taken my coat off.

I do feel a bit out of place on S&B though, so my views are probably not the majority. I like to come on here to get solutions for my ridiculously dry feet, see chat about handbags, bras and stuff. But I don't wear make up or really keep up with fashion and I suspect my personal maintenance threshold is pretty low compared to some.

[mowglik]

My mil gave me the same advice (as the song lyrics above) when I got married and I had an internal snigger about it but the more I talk to long time marrieds/partnereds the more it makes sense! It would be interesting to hear a convo between men about how they would like to see their partners when they get home (not just talking about SAHMs here).
We should expect the same thing but in reality I think women are less concerned about the appearance thing and our equivalent would be Oh making more of an effort to help out with kids/around the house - and that def helps with the intimacy/closeness side of things too

[squoosh]

Very wise, I think I'd prefer a glass of wine kindly left on the side rather than a man shaped puppy running at me like a bowling ball.

I certainly don't feel that all women should wear makeup or be interested in fashion. That would be a return to the 1950's, to think all women should be titivating themselves for their menfolk. But I do think it's a good idea, for men and women, to want to be attractive to their partner, keeps the spark going. And of course 'attractive' doesn't have to have anything to do with clothes and makeup.

[woollytights]

I wasnt actually saying whether i think its right or wrong to try and look good "for" anyone else. I was pointing out how ridiculously stupid it is to try and humiliate someone for wanting to look good for their partner now and then on a forum where its widely accepted to want to look good for other people you might encounter at weddings/work/everyday life.

Incidentally I do like looking nice for others. Whether theyre my partner or not.

Trying to pretend its abnormal and ridiculous and deserving of mockery, for people to take pride in their appearance, is actually just beyond stupid. And thats without yet even taking into account this is a style and beauty forum!

If the sarcastic, dare I say bullies, on here hold their viewpoint for feminist reasons, consider that its not our fault regardless that society places pressure on women to look a certain way and trying to belittle and humiliate someone who may well be struggling with that pressure just adds to the problem.

Women dragging other women down. What exemplary feminists you are.

[OOAOML]

Every now and again when his beard gets too unkempt I crack and say something to him, but in general I try not to comment on his appearance because it would upset me if he was critical of mine. But sometimes the beard reaches the stage that I cannot properly talk to him because every time I look at him my mind is saying 'FGS trim your beard!'.

But just to reassure people that I am not totally dragged through a hedge backwards, I am going out at lunchtime to buy more perfume (because there are offers on and my favourite one is almost done). I should probably get new mascara for Christmas as well, as I think the one I have I bought for last year.

[aliciaj]

Thats what I am getting at squoosh. A man could have an Armani suit and a £100 haircut but if he has a big beer belly and out of shape he will look horrendous next to a man in scruffy work clothes but who has kept in long term shape. Same goes for women imo.

[squoosh]

I agree. It certainly isn't all about expensive threads.

[GarlicGiftsAndGlitter]

Your posts on the matter seem surprisingly aggressive, woolly. Don't you consider it reasonable for women to have differing views on this, and to discuss them?

[OOAOML]

This is probably not the place to reveal that my husband has long hair and hasn't had a haircut in all the time I've known him. Still, at least he should have fed the children by the time I get home.

[LadyFlumpalot]

I've been with my DP since I was 20. He has seen me through various drunken nights, tummy bugs, 2 childbirths and one particularly impressive newborn poo explosion. Honestly, my normal scruffy daytime look is a step up...

[SageSeymour]

Wooly makes good points.
Style and Beauty needs a rename as well...

[museumum]

My dh practically rips his suit off the second he's in the door and puts trackies on. How daft would I look sitting with him in a dress and heels?!?

I make an effort for him/me if we go out.

[StyleCrisis]

Hi hownow.
I totally know what you mean about this. I work, but my job involves wearing slobby clothes. DP rarely sees me dressed up. I also rarely see him dressed up (he works from home).

The other day, we went to my great aunt's funeral, and both looked smart. We suddenly remembered that we fancied each other (and yes, I'm sure this is what Aunt June would have wanted ).

I think the answer might be "date night"s or something - do you do this? I'm thinking of starting to organise them.

As for the "you should fancy each other all the time, especially stinking of sweat and mackerel" brigade - what the fuck?

[StyleCrisis]

Nobody should try to "look nice FOR others". Ever.

Really?

Out of interest, does this extend to "smell nice"?

[Enjoyingmycoffee1981]

Those saying that they make bugger all effort for their partners, because they should love them however they look etc etc. I have a question. ..

when you first were getting together with your partner? Did you have the same attitude? I.e. This man should fall in love with irrespective of whether I make an effort? Because if you look back at the beginning of your relationship, and realise that yes, you did used to make an effort, but now you don't, the reason being is not a strong belief that physical appearance shouldn't matter and if a partner is worth anything then they will take you in any state, it's because you have lost interest in making an effort. Pure and simple.

[Enjoyingmycoffee1981]

And you ridicule those you do make an effort because quite honestly you can't get your head around the fact that some women's husbands still see them as sexy and physically similar to the person they fell in love with, as opposed to their companion.

[StyleCrisis]

Surely there's a different between loving someone (related to a basic, deep-down commitment to each other, relatively unaffected by hairstyle and the day-to-day wearing of sexy undies), and wanting to shag them.

I love DP always. I'm much more enthusiastic about the shagging bit when he wears a suit and has a shave. Am I evil?