Do you always look presentable for your DH.

[hownow]

I'm a SAHM so DH no longer sees me dressed up to go out to work. I get dressed properly every day as we always leave the house but I wear pretty minimal make up and my hair is always in a bun for practicality. And I'm not the type to look great with my hair up! I only look somewhat attractive with my hair loose and styled (takes forever to do so isn't feasible on a regular basis).

I also remove makeup/double cleanse during bath time at 6ish so DH sees me with glasses on, bare face, hair up. Haven't got loads of cash so my loungewear leaves a lot to be desired.

Men are visual aren't they?! Should I be making more effort? What do you all do in terms of 'keeping up appearances' at home?

[OOAOML]

Clearly I am on the wrong board because I rarely wear make up either to go to work or at home in the evening - maybe once or twice a year, that's all. I don't make an effort to dress up (currently wearing fleece trousers, checked shirt and a fleece over it to keep warm - we live in Scotland with minimal heating, I'm sure he would rather see me warm than blue and shivering - and he is wearing trackies, shirt and fleece) and take my bra off when I get changed out of my work clothes.

[Enjoyingmycoffee1981]

I used to do so much more than I do!

Now, with a 1 year old and 4 year old, I just quickly brush my hair, bit of powder on my face and lip balm before he gets home. I always remember my mum doing it for my dad, and I guess it just seems natural to me. He commented this evening "you look gorgeous", which I don't think he would have said had he seen me half an hour before arrival home looking like I had been dragged backwards through a bush!

[LottaMarten]

Having gone through a divorce, and found a gorgeous new DP, I found that when DP was coming over in the evening to have dinner, it was nice to put a layer of lipstick and blusher on, it made me feel so much better. It drew a line between work, come home put DDs to bed, then have dinner with dp when he arrived. I have kept the habit up. I do change out of work clothes (which are v smart) but try not to be too slobby.
I find if I dress down and aren't well kept it is a reflection of my mind.. So if I have to make an important work phone call and I am at home I can't do it in pyjamas!

[mowglik]

OP I was going to ask the same q out of curiosity but figured it would probably get this kind of response.

I'm a SAHM since having ds (he's 18 months now) and I always try and look presentable and nice for when DH gets home. I have always tried to look good and keep trim etc for myself anyway but since getting married I do it for DH as well. I don't think there's anything 1950s or weird about it and I feel sorry for the OHs of people who think there is (though I'm sure a lot of these comments are tongue in cheek)!

On the flip side my DH does the same for me, he keeps fit and dresses well and on the weekends wear clothes he knows I like him in. I would be disappointed if he stopped making that effort one day..

Anyway good for you OP if you decide your OH is worth making the effort for..At the end of the day men are visual creatures and they all like a bit of eye candy it's in their biology! I would hate to think my DH was checking out other women because there was nothing much inspiring for him at home

[Enjoyingmycoffee1981]

On nights when he is out, I wouldn't bother, so I definitely do that particular routine for him.

However generally speaking, I do it for myself. I wear make up and think about what I am going to wear to look good, every day, irrespective of whether I will see DH or not (sometimes he gets in after I have gone to bed).

[GarlicGiftsAndGlitter]

Lettice, I was transfixed by the entire ten minutes of that video! I'm a little confused as to why Sue & Don sleep in separate, teenagery bedrooms at a parents' home - but impressed by Don's ironing skills.

[Siarie]

So before I got pregnant I always got up and did my makeup and hair nicely even though I stopped working.

Since being pregnant the 1st trimester I was just happy to hold on to some kind of humanity. But I'm starting to feel better now so I'll go back to looking presentable in the day.

[Enjoyingmycoffee1981]

I am interested by women who claim not to give a damn how their DH sees them.

Did they always have this view? I think not. I suspect that in many cases, at the beginning of their relationship they did care, they did make an effort, but over time they have lost interest in doing it. Rather than at that, they prefer to sew how view women who continue to make an effort for their husbands as being 1950s step ford wives. As opposed to women who fancy their husbands and want to look good for them, as they did at the beginning of their relationship.

[BIWI]

What point are you trying to make, Enjoyingmycoffee?! I've been married to my DH for 24 years, together for 28. Of course things are going to change over that time period - but the most important thing in a long term relationship is that you are both happy and relaxed enough to be yourselves and not to have to worry about your appearance

[cindydog]

Confused Astral face masks - tell me more please
I head to bed with coconut oil on face ,hair and hands. I really dont care how I look , as long as I look decent once I leave the house

[santamarianovella]

I agree , presentable means different things to different people,
My presentable day to day look,when Im at home and not working is blow-dried hair and if I didnt sleep well then a bit of foundation, and mascara and lip balm and that's it, and I'm almost 99% in jeans and a sweater, so nothing over the top, and I go makeup free, most of the time,but my hair has to be straightened and looking good and healthy, it doesn't take that much I think if its something you are used to doing all the time,

[Enjoyingmycoffee1981]

Biwi... The point I was trying to make is that women who do make an effort for their husbands seem to be fair game to some of the non make up etc wearers contingent.

- but the most important thing in a long term relationship is that you are both happy and relaxed enough to be yourselves and not to have to worry about your appearance. Not sure I entirely agree with that. "Not to worry about your appearance"? I meant this is someone who have sex with? Share a bed with? Go on holiday with? Go out for dinner with? I have been with my DH for 8 years. You have 20 years over me, but I am pretty confident I will still be taking care of my appearance in 20 years time.

[BIWI]

You may well be. But that should be your choice. It shouldn't be that you feel pressured into doing that to keep your DH happy!

[CheshireSplat]

I came on to say hahahahahaha and see the first two responses have beaten me to it!

[elQuintoConyoIKNOWHIM]

Hell no.

I didn't give a damn when I met future Mr elQuintoConyo at 23.
I didn't give a damn when I married Mr elQuintoConyo at 35.
I don't give a damn now at 39 with a 3yo son.

^^ and neither does he, to any of these.

I leave the house in a manner I feel won't frighten any small children, but at home it is all about comfort. For both of us.

I did just ask him upstaurs (no, really, he IS upstairs ) if he feels it is necessary to look presentable for me when I come home. He laughed so hard he farted (or he may have used that as an excuse, I wouldn't be surprised). Utterly, utterly ridiculous.

Do what you like for you, sod everyone else.

[santamarianovella]

enjoying you make a good point, we see lots of threads like "help, I have a first date want to look nice...etc" and lots of posters offer advice
so clearly, we do care at some point in the beginning of a relationship, but why is it when a someone with a partner and dcs asks for help posters start making fun of her? what is the difference?

[MakeMeWarmThisWinter]

Thing is -

Most men see through makeup, blowdries, nice clothes etc to what the woman really looks like. My DH does compliment me if I'm dressed nicely to go out for dinner or whatever, but it's window dressing to him - I am slim, youngish and have nice hair and wear a little makeup most days - there's only so scruffy I look, without sounding vain.

I take care of myself long term iyswim, but honestly don't think about it at all before DH walks in after a day at work. I think he'd be a bit if he walked in, knowing my day has involved toddler groups, baby bathtime etc and I was sitting in a nice outfit with lipstick on. Or even artfully so, he would just say 'are you going out?' as I'm in my own home, I am entitled to be clean, dressed in comfy clothes but not having brushed my hair within 5 mins.

I think it is the image of the 'putting on a show' for your husband's benefit that seems so strange and dated to me. It is honestly how I behave toward him that would make him feel affectionate / want to rip my clothes off / buy me dinner or whatever. He's capable of taking off my grubby clothes to get to the goods underneath iyswim. I don't have to put on any kind of an act. It's that act that I think is sad. Most women I know on here and irl who love clothes, fashion and makeup etc do so for themselves and their entire lives, not as a way to keep their DH interested or stop him from straying.

[MakeMeWarmThisWinter]

Santa - but on a first date, it's like you have to present yourself as well as you can. Conversation topics and how much to laugh, what questions to ask, whether to kiss / shag him... these all come into it. And to appear as attractive as possible with the help of clothes.

No-one in a long term relationship like a marriage should have to be constantly questioning themselves and examining how they come across.

[aliciaj]

I like looking nice but don't see the need to do it for dh. Dh is always complimenting me whether I am dressed up or in my onesie, and all levels in between.

[Sallyingforth]

What's 'makeup'?

[OOAOML]

Make up is something that some people feel uncomfortable without, some uncomfortable with, and that I will wear for my Christmas party next week. I can't remember if I have worn any since my Christmas party last year. I don't think this makes me superior, nor do I feel inferior that I don't feel the need to worry about whether I look good for my husband.

[Nocturne123]

No I definitely don't but I'd like to! Not just for him but for me too .

I do always wear make up and try not to wear my track bottoms too much ( which he can't abide ) .

Although to be fair I've always worn make up and made a little bit of effort so just haven't changed much since having kids .

That was a bit of a roundabout way of saying that I do like to make a little bit of effort regarding my appearance for myself and dh

[OOAOML]

Do you think there is a similar forum with husbands discussing primping themselves up for their wives?

[bloodyteenagers]

When I was with the ex I used to do. I would say no i am not doing it
For him. I am doing it because I want to. Our sex life is down because of x,y and z.

Long story short. I will never be controlled again. If a bloke cannot see me as sexy with my glasses on, stain down the tshirt, make up off, hair legs, eyebrows needing a pluck and hair wild then he can fuck off back to whatever cave he crawled from.

[MarshaBrady]

Nothing to keep up appearances at home. However if you asked what do you do to keep feeling good I'd say a fair bit - exercise, clothes etc. But it's more for me.

Dh would probably be happy whatever, except I don't slob out really anyway, as it doesn't make me feel good.